Mother’s day is coming to a close, and I hope you have had a restful day of adoration from your children. I have been showered with hand-made cards, flowers, and a day spent hiking in the mountains and hiding in my room. Yep, my hubby has allowed me to hide away and be alone. It’s beautiful. The children are either running, screaming, or crying, but I don’t care. He’s got it all under control, and I have a glass of wine.
For years, Mother’s Day was difficult for me because I had lost my mom to cancer. I would spend it watching Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The tag line for the movie was, “Mothers. Daughters. The never-ending story of good vs. evil.” Yep, that pretty much sums it up. I would laugh and cry the whole way through. And then… I became a mom. Thus began the tradition of breakfast in bed, construction paper cards, and feeling honored.
Honestly, what I really want on this day is to not have to do anything. To not have to feed any children. To not have to change a diaper. To not have to pick up toys. To not listen to crying, or whining, or arguing. Pretty much, I don’t want to be a mom on Mother’s day.
I know this will change. There will soon be a day when I will want all my children near me to celebrate this day, and a day I will feel sad because they are no longer near by. And my heart aches when I think about those who desperately want to be a mom, and have not been able to take that journey. I won’t stay in this place for long, but for now, this is how it is.
The stages of Mother’s Day
I so badly want to be a mom!
I’m so excited to be a mom!
I don’t want to be a mom today!
I love being a mom!
I miss my kids. Oh look, grandchildren!
Here is what some of you have said about your ideal versus actual Mother’s Day
Mom of 4 ages 10-14
Ideal: Church and then a relaxing day spent mostly outdoors. I’d love to go hiking and have a picnic that I don’t have to prepare or clean up after.
Actual: Church, then go to my mom’s and cook omelets with my sister for our families. After that, cook dinner and take it to my mother-in-law’s house. I thoroughly enjoyed it last year thinking of other mothers rather than myself.
Mom of 4 ages 14-18
Ideal: Take a walk, go out to breakfast, have someone else make lunch. And go spend the day with my husband somewhere.
Actual: I will go take my mother-in-law lunch because it is also her birthday.
Mom of 1 age 13 months
Ideal: Spending part of the day receiving some form of pampering (mani/pedi, massage, hair appointment) coming home to a clean house and not having to cook the rest of the day.
Actual: Spend the prior week cleaning so I can enjoy a clean house on Mother’s day, go to church, go out for lunch, and hangout with family the rest of the day.
Mom of 3, grandmother to 6
Ideal: All my children and grandchildren will be gathered in my home for a cookout. It will be a day of laughter and good food with good conversation while the children play and run in and out. I will grab hugs and kisses as they run by.
Actual: Church, eat lunch, visit my mom at the nursing home. Kind of makes me sad to think about it.
Mom of 3, ages 6-14
Ideal: For years I dreaded mothers day. It was a reminder to me of what I didn’t have and was told I could never have. There is so much heartache wrapped up in that one day. It was truly a day of mourning. For so many years I dreamed about it and prayed that that day would become a happy day for me. So when I finally became a mother myself, that became one of my favorite days. It is a day of deep reflection for me every year. It is very emotional. I pray I will never forget those emotions. There is nothing I would rather be doing on that day than to be with my babies that made me a mom.
Actual: My second favorite day of the year is the kid’s birthday party. This year their birthday party will be on Mother’s day. For me, it doesn’t get better than that and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my day.
Mom of 3, ages 8-14
Ideal: To take a day trip with my mom and soak up good foods and sights. In years past though, I wanted a day off from being mom. I wanted to be completely alone with no mommy responsibilities!
Actual: Spend the day with my hubby and kids, probably grilling out and playing games-which is a close second to what I wish I could do.
Mom of 3 ages 9-15
Ideal: Spend time with my husband and kids, having meals catered in, and cleaned up by hired help, playing games without any arguments and perhaps watching a movie together as a family.
Actual: Going to church, spending time with the family playing tennis or games. Unfortunately, there probably will be arguments. Also I will either be supervising kids making a mess of the kitchen and/or cleaning up behind them. Or I will be kicked out of the kitchen by my husband and therefore we’re not spending time together.
Mom of 2 ages 10-13
Ideal: Wake up after sleeping in, go on a family hike with a picnic in the mountains, come home to eat take out, watch a good movie, and go to bed early.
Actual: It’s really just a normal Sunday. They do make me breakfast, then we go to church, then come home, cook, clean, and host mothers day dinner. My husband does do the clean up after dinner.
I am truly so fortunate to have my husband and children. And even though a day off would be nice, a day to love those children is so much more. I feel humbled that they want to honor me in any way they know how. If your “actual” isn’t your “ideal” know that you are not alone. And know that even though you may not get to spend this day the way you would like, that you are still honored and loved and blessed.
Happy Mother’s Day! xoxo