Deciding NOT to Homeschool

Parent, Stay SaneOctober 9, 2016

Nearly a year ago I shared a post about deciding to homeschool. And in that post I shared that part of this process in deciding to homeschool was to give myself the freedom to stop.

“I may only do this until winter break. Or maybe for the year. Or maybe for elementary school. Or maybe through middle school. And I may not homeschool my second son. It may not be right for him.”

At the end of this past school year, in my homeschool review, I shared that the choice to homeschool was a scary one, but that I did not have any regrets. I wrote my review a week before learning that moving was a possibility.

“One year, one semester, one month at a time. I have no idea what we will be doing years from now, but I do know that I already bought the curriculum for next year!”

Well folks, It lasted for just over a year. We did start the year homeschooling in order that he would be up to speed when he began at the school here, which is a year-round program. The short time I was homeschooling confirmed for me that sending him to school was the right decision. I was in no condition mentally to be teaching. Now, my son is not only going to public school, but is even getting himself there on the bus!

The decision…

My decision to stop homeschooling came down to two main issues.

First, I would be losing the great support system where we lived before. It was fine with my son, who is very outgoing, to be home during the day because we were involved with so many people in so many different areas. Now, moving to a city where we do not know anyone, I felt that we would be isolated while homeschooling.

Second, moving is quite stressful and I need to be able to release stress through exercise, otherwise I am ineffective as a mom and teacher. Being active has allowed me to stay off medication. Endorphins are my drug of choice, and running is the best way to supply those for me. Not being able to exercise as frequently had always been my biggest concern with homeschooling. I was able to make it work last year since my son was only in second grade and the school work load was not heavy. But that load is only going to get heavier. Stress and the need for exercise are directly related. The more stress I have, the more important it is for me to exercise. The short time I did spend teaching my son was evidence of this. I struggled with being patient with him when learning something new, I was yelling more, and I feared that he would begin to hate learning if we continued.

The positive…

So far, my son is so happy being in school. The first day he came home talking about all the friends he had made. Him and his brother are not bickering as much. He has struggled with a new way of learning (Hello? Common Core!!) but seems to be catching on now.

The negative…

There is not as much time for extra things. Before, my son took piano lessons during the day, and he loved it and showed talent for it. Now, our piano has a layer of dust over it.

He has friends, and I don’t know who they are. I’m sure they are great kids, and I know I will eventually meet them and hopefully their parents. It’s odd for me that he has a life that I am not a part of. This is part of letting him grow. It’s exciting to see who he is becoming, but it hurts my heart a little too.

Final thought…

Just like I gave myself the freedom to stop homeschooling at any time, I also have the freedom to go back to it. As a mom, I never stop praying for wisdom to know what the best thing for my children is at each stage of life.

Check Out My Super Powers

Love, Parent, Stay SaneSeptember 3, 2015

One of the joys of homeschooling is getting to hear all of the quirky thoughts my seven year old has. I have always loved seeing his mind work and listening to way he explains things. When he was 5 years old he asked me, “Mom can you call your mom in heaven?” So sweet. I responded, “No Bud, it doesn’t work that way.” Very innocently he replied, “Oh, is your phone not that smart?” No. No it’s not.

With homeschooling, science is not required at the second grade level, so I let him pick what he wanted to learn about. It was no surprise that he chose animals. The boy is obsessed with Wild Kratts, and these wildlife cards that my hubby had as a child. Several weeks ago the lesson he was learning was about mammals, and what makes a mammal a mammal. You know, stuff like they give birth to live babies instead of eggs, they have fur or hair, they breathe with lungs, they have mammary glands, and are warm-blooded. After going over these mammal facts, my son asks me (you know what’s coming), “What are mammary glands?”

Now let me pause a moment and share with you that my son from the age of 3 has been a “boob man.” It’s true. He’s always been curious about them and noticed them early on. My approach has always been to just be matter-of-fact about it and not make it a big deal. At 3 he pointed to a boob and asked, “What is this?” At 4 he pointed to an undressed manequin in Old Navy and said, “Whoa! Those are some big nipples!” At 5 he asked, “Why don’t all girls have those balls of skin?” At 6 he started to ask, “Why do girls even have breasts?” I must say, I believe in each of those situations I handled myself quite well and maintained my composure while being direct and honest. Lord help me.

So back to the science lesson. I explained to him that it was the mammary glands that allowed mothers to feed their babies. And then I continued to say how incredible it is that can females not only grow a living thing within ourselves (keep in mind that I was 9 months pregnant at the time), but that our bodies are then able to feed the baby as well. He looked at me with awe and said, “That’s like a super power. I wish I had super powers like that.” I love him so much. What an incredible perspective. Yes, I am a woman and I have amazing super powers! I felt so empowered after that conversation with him.

“Yes, I am a woman and I have amazing super powers!”

And it is amazing, isn’t it? That life with a beating heart occurs from these two tiny things that join together. And it grows, with it’s very own blood type and separate DNA. And then, somehow, the mother’s body just knows to get it out at just the right time. And this tiny life that has never breathed air suddenly knows how to breathe. And this little mouth is equipped with a reflex to suck. And it grows and develops. It’s all designed so perfectly.

Perfect.

But it’s not always like that is it? The odds of conceiving are actually really slim. Miscarriage is an all too real risk. Birth defects occur. Complications in delivery happen. Not all babies get the hang of nursing. Children get sick. Families come apart.

But… But in this moment I am thankful and strong. I am thankful for the gift of these super powers. I am thankful for these children. And I will strive to hold them with strong arms and open hands and a loving heart.

What are your super powers?

photo credit: Brandon Morgan

Deciding to Homeschool

Parent, Stay SaneAugust 19, 2015

It’s official, I have decided and have begun to homeschool my oldest child. This decision took me about two years to make and was not taken lightly. I must confess though, the final plunge did happen abruptly. That’s just how I operate. I can over analyze something beyond what is necessary and once I get sick of thinking about it, I just react. I want to share with you my process in making the decision and maybe encourage (or discourage) some of you that are in the process as well.

My history with the concept of homeschooling starts off very negative. I didn’t understand it. Why would anyone, as a parent or child, want to do this? I thought that it was parents over-sheltering their children. And children that didn’t act “normal” socially. Then I met my husband and found out he was home schooled. Now some may say he doesn’t act “normal” but no one would say he’s socially awkward. He is an absolute blast to be around, makes others feel welcomed and comfortable, and has a hilarious sense of humor. So my perception of what a “homeschooler” looked and acted like started to change.

When we were living in Chicago I began to consider it as option because I was not comfortable with the school system there, and we didn’t want to pay for a private education. At this point I started looking into different curriculums and felt excited about the possibility of teaching my son. This ended up being a non-issue however, since we moved to South Carolina right at the start of his Kindergarten year, and the school system here is much more to my liking.

Kindergarten was a good year for my son. The little elementary school near us is small and intimate and was not overwhelming to my son or myself. The school work was not challenging, but that was alright with me because, you know, it’s just kindergarten. First grade I started to feel more frustrated. The work was still not challenging, which meant he was bored, which meant behavior problems. And even when he was trying to be good, the rest of the class was acting up. It got to the point that nearly everyday when I picked him up and asked how his day was he would respond with, “Bad, I got in trouble” or “Bad, Tommy got in trouble” or “Bad, the whole class got in trouble and couldn’t go to recess.” He couldn’t even focus on learning because he was so concerned with getting in trouble. And this whole idea of taking away recess as a punishment really burns me. They are 6 and 7 year olds. If they are acting out, they probably need more recess time, not less.

Homeschooling is incredibly common in the area we now live. I have friends who have been homeschooling for several years. They have been a great resource for me and an encouragement. It’s great to see their children developing into such fantastic people, and that makes the process a bit less intimidating.

What prompted me to finally make the decision was a blog that I came across while looking into ways to discipline with logical consequences. It’s a fantastic blog (notconsumed) written by a single mom of 4 who homeschools. It was such an encouragement and so motivating. The next week I started purchasing the curriculum I am now using.

The final part of this process was giving myself the freedom to stop. I may only do this until winter break. Or maybe for the year. Or maybe for elementary school. Or maybe through middle school. And I may not homeschool my second son. It may not be right for him. Or maybe, just maybe I’ll homeschool all of them (with the help of co-ops) through high school.

Everyone who homeschools their children have their reasons. And whatever their reasons are, then that is right for them and their children. I believe that The Lord has made us parents to our children for a reason, and He gives us the wisdom (if we ask for it) to know the best way to parent.

That being said, these were not my reasons for homeschooling.

Religious: I did not feel the need to homeschool because of religious reasons. Living in the “Bible Belt” his school is actually quite conservative and there is definitely a strong Christian influence. In fact, there was no homework given on Wednesday nights because it’s traditionally a “church night.” Actually, if you are atheist our school would probably be offensive to you. But as a Christian, this was not our issue.

Bad School Environment: I did not decide to homeschool because he was in a bad school environment. There was no bullying. There was no being made fun of. In fact, all these kids are so incredibly sweet and kind. The reason they were always getting into trouble was because they liked each other too much and acted like it was party time every day.

My reasons to homeschool were more of what we would gain.

Character Building: When we are home and my seven year old acts ugly to his brother, I don’t give him a mark on the board or take away recess. We talk about the importance of being kind to others and try to understand better how to love and forgive. When he is acting prideful of himself for doing a good job with reading, I don’t give him a lollipop for doing a good job. We talk about how it’s good to be smart, but that’s not what gives us value in life and that arrogance is not acceptible.

Challenging Education: My son is not gifted, but he is incredibly bright. And school has not thus far been challenging for him. Now we are able to move at whatever pace he is able to go. There is a balance between pushing too hard, and not pushing hard enough. It’s a constant tension that I feel, but I think it’s worth it.

Ability to do More Activities: At this point we are able to get all of the curriculum done in 4 days a week and we are done before noon. I know in years to come the work load will increase, but for now this provides more opportunities to do other things. Piano lessons, art lessons, swim lessons, volunteer opportunities, etc. And we still have more time as a family. Which leads me to my final reason…

Less Stressful Home Life: If I am dealing with too much stress and get overwhelmed, then the whole family suffers. At first I thought I was crazy (as did some other people) that I would consider home schooling with a newborn. But truly, the thought of trying to get the baby up and fed and get my son to school before 8am makes me want to have a panic attack. This way, his schooling works around the family schedule.

Now to be fair about making this decision, I have some things working in my favor. My son is eager to learn, which makes teaching him so much fun. I love seeing his mind work and the expression on his face when he grasps something new. Also, I am naturally a very organized person. Being organized is oddly exhilarating to me. So I have no problem with getting through each day’s work load and keeping track of what we need to do next. And third, I have a very supportive husband who is completely on board and helpful. In fact he’s much better at grammar that I could ever hope to be, and without his proofreading of this post you may be concerned for the outcome of my children.

Homeschooling is absolutely not for everyone, and not for every season of life. I, however, am absolutely excited to begin this new journey with my children!