This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”
Who she is…
She is a mom like many others. Maybe even a bit like you and me. She wants what is best for her son and is trying to figure out the best way to do it. Where her story may differ is with her son. It was recently confirmed what she had long suspected: Her four year old son was diagnosed with autism. Now, when she is deciding what school to send him to there is more weight as she considers all the variables. Now, when she is planning her days she needs to consider all the events that may increase his anxiety.
What her days look like…
Even though she has just the one son, she is on the go a lot. He is in school for half a day, 5 days a week. During the school day she is either working or volunteering or feeding her soul in a Bible study. She would like to find a moment to relax, but usually finds herself eating lunch in the car and trying to find time to use the restroom. After school she juggles a busy schedule including appointments for speech, early intervention, and occupational therapy.
With all of her busyness, and stress, and frustrations, as well as joy and excitement, she finds that she needs to rely on prayer, family support, and exercise to get through each day with her sanity.
What she struggles with…
She struggles with patience. She’s a no-nonsense kinda gal. She wants to instruct her son in a calm tone, knowing it is more effective. But sometimes she resorts to raising her voice which only temporarily addresses the issue, and leads to more difficulties later (as a child with autism he copies to excess, so when she yells, he yells). He is not yet able to identify the reason for his emotions, which tend to be explosive, and this is frustrating for her. She wants to know what the problem is so she can fix it. But he is just not able to tell her.
She struggles with being controlling. She wants him to do what she wants him to do when she wants it done. She aims to allow him to be his own person. To let him learn and grow to be the person he is meant to be.
What her strengths are…
Her past experience of being a teacher has taught her how to plan and schedule while being able to bend when something unexpected arises. Each week she has a plan so her household flows smoothly. In the mornings, over breakfast, she talks with her son about the day ahead and does role-playing so he will know what to do and say in certain situations. Or perhaps it includes looking at pictures online of new places they will be going. But even with all her preparations and planning, there is sure to be something that will come up. And that’s when she makes the most of the moment and teaches him how to be flexible and adventurous.
What her fears are…
When her and her husband received their son’s diagnosis, she felt alone. She was jealous of other “normal” families and felt that people couldn’t, and wouldn’t, understand. She was afraid that she would be stuck in this hardship forever and never experience the “sweet spot” of parenting where she could relax and enjoy the moment. But her biggest fear has been that her son would get to the point of where he feels uncomfortable in his own skin, and feels hurt because he is different.
What her joys are…
From these fears have come the joys of finding community and experiencing the goodness of people. By speaking up, she has found other families to journey with that are facing this same challenge. People that have and are walking the same road have been there to encourage her and support her with advice and recommendation
Her fear of watching her son struggle socially is balanced with the joy of seeing the progress he has made with how he interacts with his peers. It give her hope for the future. She is believing her son is going to be ok. Some days are so easy and some days are so hard, but she knows that he is doing his best each day. And she is doing the best she can the skills she possesses. And she knows that tomorrow is a new day.
What she wants you to know…
She needs you to know and trust that every child and every family is doing the best they can and are trying to do what is best. Ideally we could accept that people in general are doing the best they can. Also, please know that children with special needs need a pat on the back. People don’t realize how much work went into accomplishing a simple task that many take for granted.
