daughters

It’s normal for a baby to smile at themselves in the mirror. It’s even listed as a developmental action that babies do around 4 months old. So I know that my baby girl is not the first to do this, but my goodness, she sure is cute when she does. Her little face just lights up. She is happy to see that other little person smiling back at her.

When she first started doing this, it struck me, when did we stop smiling at ourselves in the mirror?

Stop It!!

I’m my own worst critic. Standing in front of the mirror, examining, critiquing, judging. I’m too pale, too flat chested, too much skin around my belly, and my hair has too many cowlicks. This is not the example I want to be for my daughter. It is not the legacy I want to pass on. I want her to know that she can accept herself for who she is, and even like who she is without feeling guilty. There is nothing wrong with her or her appearance. I want her to know that beauty is not defined by the way we look, or the comments of others.

It is ridiculous how many voices we listen to in our heads. First we tear ourselves down, thinking that we are not “enough.” And then when we start to change the voice in our head, and feel good about who we are, we feel guilty for being confident and worry that we sound arrogant and conceited.

This past week I was holding my daughter and looking in the mirror. At first I said, “Look at that pretty girl.” And I felt troubled, knowing that I want to pass on a legacy of beauty. So I said, “look at those pretty girls. They are beautiful, and healthy, and strong!”

Epiphany

I don’t fix myself up to become beautiful. I fix myself up because I am beautiful.

I don’t make myself look pretty because I need to feel confident. It is simply that I am worth spending time on. I do not want my daughter to think she needs makeup and perfect hair to be deemed beautiful. I want her to see her outward appearance as an expression of the beauty within her.

I don’t eat good things to become healthy. I eat good things because I am healthy.

I don’t deny myself doughnuts because I need to lose weight. I make healthy choices because my body is worth taking care of. I do not want my daughter to become obsessed with food, neither over-indulging, nor over-denying. I want her to see food as nourishment, not as a comfort or as something to control.

I don’t exercise to become strong. I exercise because I am strong.

I don’t run to prove myself to others. I run because God created me with the ability and desire to do so. I do not want my daughter to feel pressure to be someone she is not. I want her to be confident and strong, knowing who God has created her to be.

If we are always striving to become something, we never experience the freedom of being what we already are.

Quick! Go find a mirror and smile at yourself. It’s ok to like that beautiful person smiling back at you. She is pretty remarkable!

xoxo

Do you know other beautiful, healthy, strong mommas that need to know their worth?

For the past 7 and a half years I have had the privilege of being a member of the all so desirable “Boy Mom” club. And I have enjoyed it immensely. Now, come August of this year, I will no longer be a member. Yes, I am having a girl. And to be quite honest I have had some mixed emotions about this. And then guilt for having not all excited emotions. Truly, I think most people have been more excited about me having a girl than I have been about having a girl.

The most appreciated comment I received came from a mom that had three boys, and then a girl. She told me that she cried when she found out. She absolutely, positively did not want a girl. I so appreciated her honesty, because I was feeling quite cruddy that I wasn’t excited. She then went on to share how much her life has been blessed by having her daughter. Honesty and encouragement. Doesn’t get any better.

So, being the ever analytical person that I am, I began to wonder what my problem was. Why was I dreading this? Why wasn’t I excited? What was I afraid of?

Sure, there is the obvious answer of, I’m just use to having boys. I understand that the fascination of their penis begins at the infant stage. I expect them to wrestle until someone cries on a daily basis. It’s nice that they don’t care if their clothes match. And that the best toys are a pile of dirt and a stick. But it went deeper than that.

There is the fact that I am a girl and know the difficulties of growing up being a girl. Obvious, I know, but it was hard at times, and now I’m going to have to go through all of that again with her. And that just doesn’t sound like fun to me. But I survived, and so shall she.

On a selfish note, I like being the only girl. The queen if you will. And I feel a bit like my territory is being invaded. That’s not a pleasant admission. That’s an outright selfish, sinful, Lord-please-forgive-me admission. So after that was dealt with, I still was feeling a bit hesitant to be excited.

The final thing I had to deal with was my insecurities as a parent. See, with boys I feel like I can pass a lot of the responsibilities on to my hubby. He’s a boy too, after all. And I think my hubby is pretty stinkin’ great. So logically, my boys will turn out great too. But a girl?!?!? Holy crap!! That’s too much pressure! I’m definitely going to screw her up, I just know it! And that terrifies the crap out of me! Oh, but wait. God knows me and He knows my daughter in my womb. And He knew that I was the one to be the mother to her.

Oh Lord, help me to be the mother You want me to be!

Legacy of Beauty

Stop It!!

Epiphany

I’m Being Kicked Out