I have a past life that seems so long ago, I have to remind myself that it truly happened. It was about 10 years ago that this past life was born.
We had moved from Atlanta to Chicago for my hubby to begin his career. Actually I should say, “Chicagoland” because it was in suburb of Chicago, which is absolutely positively not Chicago. Life was moving along quite predictably when, BAM!! Out of nowhere my husband lost his job. Being that I was completely homesick, I was ready to move home to Louisville, Kentucky. But alas, he was not. We talked about all sorts of things to do. Move west, hike the Appalachian Trail, start a coffee shop, move into the actual city, etc. We decided to do the responsible thing of moving into the city so that he could work on establishing his career. And start a coffee shop too. Craaaa-zeeee!
See, I had this dream of owning a coffee shop when we lived in Atlanta. Just an innocent little dream. People dream all the time, doesn’t mean they actually do it. Not so for me. Hubby gets nervous when I start dreaming. Truthfully, he encourages it. I was looking for an apartment in a certain neighborhood in the city on craigslist. Out of curiosity, I did a search for a store front in the same neighborhood, just wondering what rent would be like for that. And then I realized there was an apartment and a store front for rent in the same building. How cool, I thought, would it be to live in the same building as the coffee shop. I pondered this for a while trying to decide if I should look into it. My hubby’s response was, “in five years will you be happy that you stuck with your career, or regret that you never looked into this opportunity.” Well, if you’re going to put it that way….
A month later, we had a lease. We had absolutely no clue what we were doing. All we could see was the next step to take. It was complete trust that The Lord was leading us to do this and He would take care of us along the way. See, I believe that He gives us these dreams/ideas for a reason.
Delight yourself in The Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
It says that He gives us the desires. Not that He grants us whatever we desire. And if we are seeking Him, and seeking what He wants, then He will give us certain desires. What He wants is for us to love people. And He gave us the desire to love the people of this neighborhood with a coffee shop to provide the way.
It was a crash course in how to love people. See, this particular area of this neighborhood, was a bit rough you could say. It was “gentrifying”. Truly it was lawyers living next door to gangbangers. Not exaggerating. Hubby and I will reminisce sometimes about the experiences we had. Gone were my sweet naive beliefs, and shattered were stereotypes.
Laura. She lived in the building next door with her boyfriend and two year old daughter. This little girl was the sweetest thing. When we were building the space out, Laura and her daughter would just come over (let themselves in even though the windows were covered) and talk to us while we were working. This one particular day she was telling us about rats. Yes, rats are a major problem in Chicago. Go outside after dusk and you’re guaranteed to see one. “They ain’t got no bones, they ain’t got no bones.” She told us about a hundred times. Over and over. I’m pretty sure they do have bones, by the way. But I’ve never actually verified it. Then, once the store was open she started coming in to ask for work to make money. Then to borrow money. Then just for money. One day, she came in in a hurry and left her daughter there in the stroller while I was talking with some customers. She said, “I need you to watch her, I won’t be long!” And off she went with two men that were waiting outside for her. All I could think was that she was “paying” for her drugs and what if something went wrong and they killed her. What is this little girl going to do? I’m going to have to adopt her. Oh my word! Another morning (6am, she was probably still up from the night before), she came in so angry at her boyfriend and was threatening to blow their building up. Ummmm, she was just crazy enough that I had to take her a little bit seriously. And our buildings were about 3 inches apart (not exaggerating), so that meant our building would blow up too. So here I am before the sun was up standing with her at a bus stop with my bus pass to make sure she got on the bus to go to her mom’s on the southside. The last time I saw Laura, she was drunk and told me that she was going to have another baby (it was her 4th). I was pregnant too, and I wept after she left. I loved her.
Kyle and Mark. They were a same sex couple that would come in and work on their business. They were such a blast! Mark was gruff and bitter. Kyle was bubbly and friendly. I won Mark over when he made a ridiculous request one day, and I responded by giving him the middle finger. He cracked up, and I had earned his respect. One day while they were working, this crazy religious lady came in and started telling Mark that the end was coming and that God loved him and he needed to start stocking up on canned goods. Good grief! His response was that he didn’t believe in God, and he didn’t care. After I got her to leave, I told him that even though I am a christian, that’s why I don’t like christians. Mark and Kyle later told one of our employees (who is also a christian) that they’ve never before seen christians that act and love like we all did. I loved them.
John. It was halloween night and business was slow. There were some of the local gangbangers hanging around (easy to spot because they wore a certain color shirt). I knew who they were since they would come in at times, and lived in the area. But they were coming in a lot this evening while there will still a few customers in. John was a law school student that would camp out and study for hours. This evening he was sitting in a corner that was not visible from the street, and he was my last customer. The gangbangers came in for the final time, not knowing that he was there. They seemed so disappointed. Once they left, he confirmed what I feared, “they’re going to rob you.” But then he said the kindest thing, “so I’m going to stay until you close.” He was an angel, I’m pretty sure. And love was shown to me.
Curtis. He started coming in the winter after we opened. He was always dressed nice, and looked very professional. He would sit there for hours looking at the paper. Obviously he didn’t work a 9-5, so I figured he was self employed and some sort of business man. Since the majority of the Chicago population hibernates in the winter, and it was our first year open, business was sloooooooow. It would be hours with just Curtis and I in there. So naturally we started talking. Turns out he just got out of prison. For drugs. He was at one time a major dealer in Chicago (he was just busted with the drugs, not for dealing). He use to have a sweet apartment, with a fast car, and hot ladies to keep him warm. But not now. Now he had a crappy apartment, no car, and no ladies and no friends. All his “friends” left him because they feared they would get busted too. We had many in depth conversations, and I actually “scolded” him (he was 50 years old) at one point. I told him that he had led a self centered life dealing drugs and how could he expect his self centered friends to actually care about anything other than themselves. I was feeling bold that day. He told me I reminded him of his sister, whom he actually brought in to meet me once. When my son was born he sent me flowers that cost so much I confronted him and asked if he was dealing again. He promised me he wasn’t. Not that I believed him. Before we left the coffee shop world, he came in to say goodbye. He told me that people owed their lives to me. He said that he was so depressed and angry that first winter out of prison that if he didn’t have me to talk to, he probably would have killed his past associates. Whoa. I loved him.
There are countless other stories of people that came into our lives during that time. There are friendships that we still have and cherish deeply because of the risk we took to open a coffee shop. We only had the the shop for 2 1/2 years before our son was born and we decided to pass it on to people that could take it to a new level. It was a difficult few years for us. Crazy hours, never leaving the building, dealing with city government, enormous amounts of debt. So often we wondered why we were ever possessed to do such a thing. But then I remember that we were given a desire to love a certain group of people, for a certain period of time. And that’s worth the sacrifice. The Lord has been faithful, I will continue to trust.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or not-so-innocent.
This is the second post in a series about Faith, Trust, Surrender.