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Stay Sane

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Love Multiplied

Parent, Stay Sane

I recall a conversation from several years back that a few of my friends were having about how much they loved their children. At the time, they all only had one and I was expecting my second. They were making comments about how they couldn’t imagine loving another child as much as they loved the one they already had (they all have more children now, by the way). And this got me thinking. There is not a set amount of love that we have in life that we have to divide among those around us. Love does not subtract. It multiplies!

Right now in life I am expecting my third child and we are in the process of being able to foster-to-adopt a sibling group. We have been very open with our boys about all of this, and have encouraged many and all types of questions. We have tried to not sugar coat anything. I’ve talked with them about the importance of being able to do more things on their own because I may not be available. And how some of the house rules may not apply initially for the adopted children since they are adjusting to us and we are adjusting to them. But I’ve really wanted to stress to them that my love for them will not change, and in fact our house will be even more full of love. So I drew it out and told the love story of our family.

It went like this:

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First, there was Dad and I. He loved me, I loved him. Love multiplied by two.

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Then we had our first son. And our love began to grow. Love multiplied by six.

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Then our second son was born. And our love doubled! Love multiplied by twelve.

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Now, we have a baby sister on the way. (Gasp!). Love multiplied by twenty.

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And when we have siblings join our family?
Well, love will be flowing out of every nook and cranny of our home.
Love multiplied by lots and lots and lots!

 

Isn’t this a great love story?!?!

xoxo

 

lovemultiplied

I Am THE Tooth Fairy

Parent, Stay Sane

I try to tell it to my children pretty straight. I figure if I talk to them matter-of-factly, then things won’t be a big deal. We’ve talked about why Pop can’t have sugar (diabetes), why my mom is not alive (cancer), and what those balls of skin are on women (yep, breasts). But there are things that we lie about or lie via omission. Mainly because they wouldn’t understand, or we want to protect their innocence.

A big one for us (and lots of others) has been Santa Claus. I was torn on how to handle this. Growing up the youngest of four, I never had a chance to believe in Santa Claus. I did grow up learning about St. Nicholas and the things he did for others and how that turned into what we now know about Santa Claus. So I figured this is what we would do with our children. But then one Christmas, when my older son was not yet 4, he said on his own that his presents were from Santa. He was not in school, and we rarely watch tv. I was shocked at how easily he believed, and disappointed that he didn’t know the gifts were from us. Now I play into it, but I feel a little bad about it every year, knowing that he will be heartbroken when he finds out.

I was all prepared to draw the line with Ol’ Saint Nick. Then he started talking about the Easter bunny. What the heck! He caught me in a mischievous mood last year and I said, “I have a secret! Dad. He is the….Easter bunny! Shhh, don’t tell anyone!” And that seemed to actually go over pretty well. He actually thought that my husband turned into a rabbit and brought kiddos candy.

My son has now started to lose his baby teeth. It was a long time coming. He was the last in his class to lose a tooth. This tooth was driving me nuts. It was so loose that it would stick straight out. I kept trying to get him to let me pull it, but he wasn’t going for it. Understandably, it was the first tooth and he was nervous about what to expect. I told him that I just wanted to wiggle it (a lie) and I pulled that sucker outta there! I didn’t win any parenting awards that day. He was quite traumatized. Eventually he calmed down and got excited that he had finally lost his first tooth.

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Then the fun really began.

“Mom is the tooth fairy real?” Well, crap.

“What do you think?” Smooth, right?

“I don’t think she is.” This might not be so bad.

“Do you really want to know?” Should have stopped while I was ahead.

“Yes.” No! Don’t say it!

“The tooth fairy is not real.” Absolute heartbreak, massive tears, loud sobbing. “You said you didn’t think she was real!” Way to put it on the kid.

“But I wanted her to be!” Crap, now what.

“Okay, well maybe I’m wrong.” Way to really confuse the kid.

“Maybe you just haven’t seen her.” Sure.

“You’re going to believe whatever it is you want to believe.” Like I said, no parenting awards that day.

Of course that night I put a quarter under his bed. But not until I got dressed up. I thought, what if he wakes up. Then he’s going to blame me that I didn’t give the tooth fairy a chance to show up. So I put on a white skirt, a white tank top, white gloves, white scarf, and a tiara (everyone has white gloves and a tiara, right). With my pregnant belly, I was quite the site to behold. Ahh, the things we do for our kiddos. He of course did not wake up, but I did enjoy dressing up. The next morning he came out of his room in absolute triumph, “See mom! I told you she was real!” Sigh.

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The next tooth he lost, I was feeling bold and didn’t dress up. I went in his room and started feeling around under his pillow. Stink! I couldn’t find it. I finally find it and he wakes up with my face about 8 inches from his. Quick! Think of another lie! “Are you ok? You were crying. It’s ok, go back to sleep.” Whew, that was a close one!

The next day he asked me if I was the one putting money under his pillow. I told him that I had told him the truth before, but he didn’t want to hear it. But that I had another secret for him. “I am the tooth fairy.  Why do you think I became a dental hygienist. It’s my undercover disguise.” Clever, yes?

The third tooth he lost while we were having s’mores and he didn’t even know he had lost it. Not sure if it’s in the yard, or if he swallowed it.

“Mom, will I still get money even if I don’t have a tooth to put under my pillow?” Now it’s getting fun.

“This is an unusual situation, I’ll have to check my official ToothFairy Handbook to confirm protocol.”

That night, I just forgot to put the quarter under the pillow. The next morning I handed him the quarter and said, “I checked the rules, and it states that the tooth fairy can just hand you the money since there was no tooth to collect.” Parenting award granted.

At St. Patricks day he started talking about Leprechauns being real. Good grief. So I told him that his little brother was a leprechaun. Can you guess what we will all be dressing up as for halloween this year?

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Dear Dog Owners, I Get It

Parent, Stay Sane

The most inconvenient thing happened. We got a dog. Wasn’t wanting a dog. Don’t need a dog. But alas, here I am typing with a dog pressed up against my arm. Which makes typing, in addition to other things, a bit more challenging.

Now, it’s not that I’m not a “dog person”. I grew up with a dog. And a cat, and a horse, and cows, and at one point my brother had birds and fish. But I have over the last several years found dogs to be quite annoying and would say that if I had to choose, I would prefer to be a “cat person”. Dogs smell, cats don’t (just the litter box). Dogs bark (like all the flippin time), cats purr. You don’t have to go out in freezing weather to walk your cat. Cats are independent, you can leave them for days at a time if you set out enough food. So, yes, I was more of a “cat person”. In fact, we had a cat until we moved to South Carolina. My sweet (and possibly insane, like myself) sister-in-law offered to keep our cat while we made our transition. I wasn’t sure how it would go since they were adding the cat to a household of 3 kids, 1 dog, and 1 existing feline. But they blended beautifully. They were attached to her and she was attached to them and I didn’t want to mess anything up, so they have her permanently now. And this has been fine other than the occasional comment from my older son that he wants to get her back.

Then, a little over a year ago, a week and a half after moving into our house we had a bit of an incident. The boys were in the front of our house playing on the driveway when I could hear my younger son crying. Now, he had just turned 2 and honestly cried all the time, so i didn’t run outside at first. But then it sounded like a hurt cry. As I was walking to the door I heard my older son yelling, “mom, mom! we need help!” I will never get the image out of my head of our neighbors 60 lb. dog standing over my 30 lb. son lying face down on the concrete. This dog had a vicious growl and bark, and I have never been so terrified in my life. As I was running toward the dog screaming and waving my arms, I was thinking to myself that I wish I had grabbed my sons t-ball bat, because I was going to beat the SH!T out of that dog. The dog backed away enough for me to grab my son and all of us ran as fast as we could to get back into the house. It wasn’t until we got inside that I realized my son was bleeding. He had been bitten on top of his head.

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As a mother, you have moments where you enter super human mode and can remain eerily calm in a moment of crisis. Well, this was not one of them. I was in an absolute panic, so I called my husband, who called the neighbor, who of course was not home. Then I called another neighbor to see what I needed to do. I needed someone to think for me and act for me. And she did exactly that. She came right over, got the boys and myself into her car and drove us to the emergency room. It could have been so much worse. Like way worse. Like, I don’t even want to think about how much worse. The icing on our cake was that the dog’s rabies vaccine was not current, so our son had to go through a preventative treatment for it which consisted of a shot on either side of each puncture wound (8 total), a series of 4 immunization injections, and an oral antibiotic.

After that, it’s fair to say that I no longer trusted dogs. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them, or thought they were all bad, but I learned that no one thinks their dog will hurt someone until it happens. (On a side note, our neighbors took care of the dog and all medical bills). I think my older son and I were the ones most effected by this event. My youngest son acted like nothing ever happened. I don’t want any of my children to live with fear, so I knew that one day we would need to get a dog. Didn’t think it would be now. When I’m pregnant. And going through the fostering-to-adopt process.

Here’s how it happened. Last week we were cleaning up from dinner and my hubby says, “there’s a little white dog walking down the street.” See, we live out in the country and we see all sorts of animals, but a dog alone on a dead end road was a bit odd. So he went out to see if the dog had a collar with a tag. No collar. I made my mistake by picking her up. I was a goner before we got her in the house. I know, I know, how could I have brought this stray dog in the house. It could have fleas or worms (she didn’t) or pee (she did) or just be really dirty (she was). But we had really bad winter weather coming and we didn’t think she would survive, so she slept in the laundry room that night. She had long hair that was matted so badly it was the size of my hand and to her skin. But she was so happy, and so sweet, and so playful. We all fell in love with her that night. The next morning I took her to a vet to get scanned to see if see had a microchip. No chip = new pet for us. We got her vaccinated, and then off to the groomer. Three hours later, she was as sassy as could be, living up to her new name of Miss Scarlet.

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It’s been an adjustment. We are having to re-house train her and are trying to figure out a good sleeping arrangement, but I don’t have any regrets. I use to think those bumper stickers that said “Who Adopted Who?” were dumb and corny, but now I kind of get it. I feel like she adopted us. Turns out I’m kinda a “dog person” afterall.

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Photo credit Andre Spieker

Surrender

Stay Sane

When I started this series I had in mind what I wanted to say for this final post. But over the past two weeks I have struggled to know how much to share, and unsure if I will be able to express the main point. But here it goes, wish me luck.

Once we moved to South Carolina life was good. I finally felt like I understood what it meant to be living life abundantly (John 10:10). I was finally able to be a stay-at-home mom to our wonderful two boys. I was able to run and bike and swim on a regular basis. I was making wonderful new friends. I was learning and investing at our church. Good, good stuff. Then one Sunday we went to church and life suddenly became very complicated.

Our church was doing a sermon series about the fact that our lives are worship, and all lives have value. From the unborn to the elderly, life is to be cherished. There was a video that was shown that had clips from South Korea showing these box-like things (think big blue post office mailbox) where women could put their unwanted babies. Now, this sounds crude, but we actually provide the same (needed) service here in America. Women can take their unwanted babies, no questions asked, to a hospital, or fire station, or police station. But something about this video shattered my heart. On the way home my husband asks the question, “Soooo, what are you thinking?” I shocked him with, “I think we need to adopt.” That is where this journey began a little over a year ago.

I had never, NEVER, had an interest in adoption. I thought it was a great thing; for other people, that is. But not for us. We were happy to be done with having kids. Ready to move on and have new adventures with our two great guys. Alas, that was not the case. So we talked about international adoption. We have several friends who have done this and I think it’s great, but that wasn’t what we felt was right for us. We talked about domestic adoption. But I felt like, if we wanted another baby we would have another baby. So we talked about fostering. But we thought that would be too hard on our children that get attatched to people so easily. We settled on adopting a young child (or children) that was currently in the foster system. This is known as fostering to adopt, and we are currently working with DSS.

This decision was by no means decided on lightly. First we went to an informational meeting at our church for people interested in adoption. In the class, we were the only ones that went to get information. Everyone else had already adopted and were there to provide support. It was as if there was a panel set up just for us to ask questions. There was a family that adopted a baby from China. A family that adopted a four year old from Belarus. A lady that went through a domestic adoption, as well as fostering other children. All of them had biological children first. Then we spent 3 months just talking about it among ourselves and with The Lord. After that I finally got the courage to call an agency to get the process started. We ended up deciding not to work with this agency, but I will never forget what this lady told me. She said, “now that you have made this decision you are going to start to meet random people that have done foster to adopt, and that is just The Lord providing encouragement for you along this journey.” Oooooo-kaaaaay, I thought, that’s weird. Well sure enough, three days later at my sons tennis class, there was a new mom there and she was telling me about her son. “He’s adopted” she said. I responded with, “really? I would love to hear your story if you don’t mind sharing.” “Not at all” she said, “well, we did foster to adopt.” Of course they did!! I just started laughing and explained to her that we were considering to do that as well. Since then I have indeed met several people who had walked this road before us, some of which have become instrumental to us by encouraging and praying for us on a regular basis.

During this decision making process, something else happened. We got the baby bug which resulted in me getting pregnant which resulted in miscarriage. I was angry, and sad, and all those emotions that come with the loss of life, but it was alright. We decided that it was time to move ahead with the adoption process. So the application was filled out, and sent in. It was the craziest feeling. It truly felt like I had just gotten a positive pregnancy test. I was excited, and scared terrified, and just hoping that it would “stick”. And then I started to love. Just like an expecting mother loves the baby in her womb even though she doesn’t know him/her, I started to love this child/children that are out there. And that love has developed into a yearning to meet them and know them and pour our love into them.

So we went to orientation, got fingerprinted, filled out the ridiculously difficult application, and are currently going through training. This process has changed and is changing us. It has changed how I see my relationship with The Lord.

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:3-6, The Message

It has changed me as a mother. Learning to be patient, and give grace to these little people that God has placed in my care. And finally, I have been learning how to surrender. To give up this idea I have of living a simple, stress-free, I-don’t-want-to-be-bothered kind of life. I want to live a life that has purpose. Two years ago I could not have even considered doing this. My soul was depleted. I was struggling to keep my head above the water, and I felt like I was suffocating. Over the past year and a half, The Lord has filled my cup overflowing, and He has given us such an awesome desire to serve Him by loving and serving His little children. He has led me to “where my trust is without borders.”

Oh, and I’m 14 weeks pregnant.

This is the 4th and final post on a series about Faith, Trust, Surrender.

Trust, part two: Patience

Stay Sane

For awhile it seemed like my life was moving backwards. At 21 I bought my first place. It was this cute 2 bedroom townhouse with an attached garage. Then we moved to Atlanta where we lived in a 500 square foot studio in a high rise. We gained a sweet view of downtown, but we no longer had a washer and dryer. Had to go to the basement for that. There was a parking garage with one assigned spot. Poor hubby had to fight for an open place. Then we moved to the suburbs of Chicago. Here we lost the air conditioning and the dishwasher. Laundry in the cellar, had to go outside to get to it. But at least we could park in the driveway. Then we moved into the city. We got the ac back, but lost parking. Had to find it on the street and dig out our spot when it snowed. Still no washer and dryer, no dishwasher. Also, there was no sunshine. First floor apartments with builings 3 feet away don’t allow for much sun to penetrate. At the next place we got the sunshine back (third floor), but lost the ac again. No ac, no dishwasher, no washer/dryer, no parking. Three flights of stairs and a newborn. Whew!

After a year and a half there we finally were able to buy a house. An actual house! With a yard! It was smaller than the garden we had when I was growing up, but I was thrilled to have it. We got back the ac, the garage, the washer/dryer, and four years after we moved in we put in a dishwasher. We did so much to that house. Complete gut rehab of the second floor. While I was pregnant. We have a picture of me five months pregnant swinging a sledge hammer busting out plaster. We finished it two weeks before my second son was born. This was a rough time physically, financially, and mentally. At one point a rat got in our house because there was a hole in the concrete of the basement. A RAT!! IN OUR HOUSE!!! Then we got busted and fined by city for doing work without a permit. There I was, eight months pregnant, standing before a judge, begging for mercy. See, where I grew up, if you wanted to do work on your house, then you did work on your house.

Our 8 years in Chicago were hard. Of course there are the basic Chicago things that all Chicagoans deal with. Harsh winters that just won’t end (seriously, nothing blooms until the end of April). Traffic that moves so slow you might as well walk (once, it took me over an hour to drive 4 miles). People that speak harshly and are unfriendly (people would look at me funny if I smiled and said hello). The permits, tickets, and fees that make you paranoid to drive your car anywhere (we just considered it donations to the city). But we also dealt with my hubby losing his job, opening and running a money devouring business, living in crappy apartments, living through a rehab, and a rat.

I wanted to leave so badly. I cried so many tears, begging God to get us out of there. The worst it got happened in the middle day coming home from running errands. I was turning left at an awkward intersection and almost hit a pedestrian. He started yelling at me that he had a green light (I did not have a turn arrow). Here’s the thing though, he was not at a crosswalk. The crosswalk was on the other side of this intersection (and for good reason). So I yelled back that the green lights are for cars and that he didn’t have a crosswalk-IDIOT!!! By the way, my kids were in the back seat. My older son was 4 at the time and he started crying. I asked why he was crying, and his response was, “You scared me.” At this point I started crying and called my hubby (all husbands just love getting this kind of call while at work). I told him that he had to get me out of this city. I hated the city, and I hated who I was becoming while living in it.

We tried so many times to get out. Once, we were seriously considering a job opportunity for my hubby in Seattle. He made it through three rounds of interviews until that door was closed. Praise The Lord that it was. I would have been even more miserable there. There was an opportunity to move back home to Louisville at one point that I was truly disappointed that it didn’t work out. When we were actually at the point that we could move, we thought we would move back to Atlanta. That seemed to make the most sense. It’s a big city with lots of job opportunities, great weather (in my opinion), and we still have friends there. But alas, this was not to be either.

The Lord had something even greater in mind. He gave us even more than what we asked for. Atlanta would not have solved all the problem that we were dealing with in Chicago. It still has a high cost of living, it still has bad crime, it still has bad schools, and of course it still has bad traffic. I didn’t know a thing about Greenville, SC before my husband had his phone interview phone for the position here. The first time either of us ever step foot in Greenville was when we came with the moving van. We have not been disappointed.

Not everybody is miserable is Chicago. I have dear friends that live there and they love it. It’s home for them, and I am thrilled that they feel that way. There is such peace in feeling “home”. But not once in 8 years did we feel “home”. And we had many moments of joy there, including friendships that will age with me. But we knew that we were not meant to stay there. Even though we struggled, we knew that we were where we needed to be for that long season in our lives. We knew it wasn’t time to leave yet, no matter how desperately we wanted to. Waiting is difficult.

Wait for The Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for The Lord. Psalm 27:14

We learned that we had to be patient. And we had to wait for The Lord’s perfect timing. I’m relieved that when doors were closed we didn’t try to force them open, although I was standing there with a crowbar feeling tempted to do so. I would pray, “Lord help me feel at home!” I wanted to want to be there. Then I prayed, “help me feel at peace.” And I would for a period of time. Sometimes we are called to stand and fight (like David and Goliath), and sometimes we are told to run away (like Joseph and Mary fleeing to Egypt). I believe we never felt at home because we were never meant to stay.

It takes trust to learn patience. So if you find yourself in a situation that you feel desperate to escape, be encouraged! Trust that The Lord knows, and cares. Know that His timing is perfect. And there is nothing wrong with crying while you wait.

This is the third post in a series on Faith, Trust, Surrender.

Trust, part one: Love

Stay Sane

I have a past life that seems so long ago, I have to remind myself that it truly happened. It was about 10 years ago that this past life was born.

We had moved from Atlanta to Chicago for my hubby to begin his career. Actually I should say, “Chicagoland” because it was in suburb of Chicago, which is absolutely positively not Chicago. Life was moving along quite predictably when, BAM!! Out of nowhere my husband lost his job. Being that I was completely homesick, I was ready to move home to Louisville, Kentucky. But alas, he was not. We talked about all sorts of things to do. Move west, hike the Appalachian Trail, start a coffee shop, move into the actual city, etc. We decided to do the responsible thing of moving into the city so that he could work on establishing his career. And start a coffee shop too. Craaaa-zeeee!

See, I had this dream of owning a coffee shop when we lived in Atlanta. Just an innocent little dream. People dream all the time, doesn’t mean they actually do it. Not so for me. Hubby gets nervous when I start dreaming. Truthfully, he encourages it. I was looking for an apartment in a certain neighborhood in the city on craigslist. Out of curiosity, I did a search for a store front in the same neighborhood, just wondering what rent would be like for that. And then I realized there was an apartment and a store front for rent in the same building. How cool, I thought, would it be to live in the same building as the coffee shop. I pondered this for a while trying to decide if I should look into it. My hubby’s response was, “in five years will you be happy that you stuck with your career, or regret that you never looked into this opportunity.” Well, if you’re going to put it that way….

A month later, we had a lease. We had absolutely no clue what we were doing. All we could see was the next step to take. It was complete trust that The Lord was leading us to do this and He would take care of us along the way. See, I believe that He gives us these dreams/ideas for a reason.

Delight yourself in The Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

It says that He gives us the desires. Not that He grants us whatever we desire. And if we are seeking Him, and seeking what He wants, then He will give us certain desires. What He wants is for us to love people. And He gave us the desire to love the people of this neighborhood with a coffee shop to provide the way.

It was a crash course in how to love people. See, this particular area of this neighborhood, was a bit rough you could say. It was “gentrifying”. Truly it was lawyers living next door to gangbangers. Not exaggerating. Hubby and I will reminisce sometimes about the experiences we had. Gone were my sweet naive beliefs, and shattered were stereotypes.

Laura. She lived in the building next door with her boyfriend and two year old daughter. This little girl was the sweetest thing. When we were building the space out, Laura and her daughter would just come over (let themselves in even though the windows were covered) and talk to us while we were working. This one particular day she was telling us about rats. Yes, rats are a major problem in Chicago. Go outside after dusk and you’re guaranteed to see one. “They ain’t got no bones, they ain’t got no bones.” She told us about a hundred times. Over and over. I’m pretty sure they do have bones, by the way. But I’ve never actually verified it. Then, once the store was open she started coming in to ask for work to make money. Then to borrow money. Then just for money. One day, she came in in a hurry and left her daughter there in the stroller while I was talking with some customers. She said, “I need you to watch her, I won’t be long!” And off she went with two men that were waiting outside for her. All I could think was that she was “paying” for her drugs and what if something went wrong and they killed her. What is this little girl going to do? I’m going to have to adopt her. Oh my word! Another morning (6am, she was probably still up from the night before), she came in so angry at her boyfriend and was threatening to blow their building up. Ummmm, she was just crazy enough that I had to take her a little bit seriously. And our buildings were about 3 inches apart (not exaggerating), so that meant our building would blow up too. So here I am before the sun was up standing with her at a bus stop with my bus pass to make sure she got on the bus to go to her mom’s on the southside. The last time I saw Laura, she was drunk and told me that she was going to have another baby (it was her 4th). I was pregnant too, and I wept after she left. I loved her.

Kyle and Mark. They were a same sex couple that would come in and work on their business. They were such a blast! Mark was gruff and bitter. Kyle was bubbly and friendly. I won Mark over when he made a ridiculous request one day, and I responded by giving him the middle finger. He cracked up, and I had earned his respect. One day while they were working, this crazy religious lady came in and started telling Mark that the end was coming and that God loved him and he needed to start stocking up on canned goods. Good grief! His response was that he didn’t believe in God, and he didn’t care. After I got her to leave, I told him that even though I am a christian, that’s why I don’t like christians. Mark and Kyle later told one of our employees (who is also a christian) that they’ve never before seen christians that act and love like we all did. I loved them.

John. It was halloween night and business was slow. There were some of the local gangbangers hanging around (easy to spot because they wore a certain color shirt). I knew who they were since they would come in at times, and lived in the area. But they were coming in a lot this evening while there will still a few customers in. John was a law school student that would camp out and study for hours. This evening he was sitting in a corner that was not visible from the street, and he was my last customer. The gangbangers came in for the final time, not knowing that he was there. They seemed so disappointed. Once they left, he confirmed what I feared, “they’re going to rob you.” But then he said the kindest thing, “so I’m going to stay until you close.” He was an angel, I’m pretty sure. And love was shown to me.

Curtis. He started coming in the winter after we opened. He was always dressed nice, and looked very professional. He would sit there for hours looking at the paper. Obviously he didn’t work a 9-5, so I figured he was self employed and some sort of business man. Since the majority of the Chicago population hibernates in the winter, and it was our first year open, business was sloooooooow. It would be hours with just Curtis and I in there. So naturally we started talking. Turns out he just got out of prison. For drugs. He was at one time a major dealer in Chicago (he was just busted with the drugs, not for dealing). He use to have a sweet apartment, with a fast car, and hot ladies to keep him warm. But not now. Now he had a crappy apartment, no car, and no ladies and no friends. All his “friends” left him because they feared they would get busted too. We had many in depth conversations, and I actually “scolded” him (he was 50 years old) at one point. I told him that he had led a self centered life dealing drugs and how could he expect his self centered friends to actually care about anything other than themselves. I was feeling bold that day. He told me I reminded him of his sister, whom he actually brought in to meet me once. When my son was born he sent me flowers that cost so much I confronted him and asked if he was dealing again. He promised me he wasn’t. Not that I believed him. Before we left the coffee shop world, he came in to say goodbye. He told me that people owed their lives to me. He said that he was so depressed and angry that first winter out of prison that if he didn’t have me to talk to, he probably would have killed his past associates. Whoa. I loved him.

There are countless other stories of people that came into our lives during that time. There are friendships that we still have and cherish deeply because of the risk we took to open a coffee shop. We only had the the shop for 2 1/2 years before our son was born and we decided to pass it on to people that could take it to a new level. It was a difficult few years for us. Crazy hours, never leaving the building, dealing with city government, enormous amounts of debt. So often we wondered why we were ever possessed to do such a thing. But then I remember that we were given a desire to love a certain group of people, for a certain period of time. And that’s worth the sacrifice. The Lord has been faithful, I will continue to trust.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or not-so-innocent.

This is the second post in a series about Faith, Trust, Surrender.

Faith

Stay Sane

I didn’t first begin to truly understand what faith was until I was 23. I grew up hearing the word. It was talked about at home and at church. But not until prayers went unanswered did I truly grasp it.

It was the Spring of 2003. My hubby and I had been married for 2 and a half years, and everything was about to change. He had finished his undergrad but was unable to find work, so we decided he should do more schooling (because that’s what you’re suppose to do, right?). We decided we were going to move to Atlanta for him to go to the school he felt would be most beneficial. We were super excited, I love a good adventure! So we put our townhouse on the market, and within a week, it sold. Easy! That evening I called my parents to tell them the good news. They were happy for us, but my mom just didn’t sound quite right. Actually, she had been feeling bad for a while.

That night, after we spoke, my father called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. At first they thought it was a ruptured ulcer. When they took her into surgery, they discovered a mass the size of a football in her abdomen. It was cancer. Her body was so weak, they put her in a drug induced coma for weeks. Once she was awake, they told us that if they don’t do chemo, the cancer could kill her in a month. But, if they did chemo, it could kill her in a week. Gee, thanks. She was coherent, so she opted to try the chemo. She made it through the first two like a champ. The third, destroyed her body. She died 4 months exactly from the night of my phone call to her. She never left the hospital.

While she was in the hospital, I said to my dad, “how can we possibly move now?” He told me, “you’re moving. Your mom would hate to be the cause of you not doing this.” Alright, fine. And besides, it was ok because we all had “faith” that she would recover. That she would be healed. And for a while it did seem like she was going to make it. The doctors were making a plan for her to go home and training my family on how to care for her. Our prayers were being answered, and our faith rewarded.

But here’s the thing, not all prayers (wishes) are answered (granted). I wondered, is that because the people involved didn’t have “enough” faith? And if that was the way it worked, does that mean that we can manipulate God to do what we want? How dare us, mere humans, try to control The Lord of the Universe! But there are many scriptures where Jesus heals people because of their faith.

Then Jesus answered her, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:28)

So I kept going to the scripture that actually defines what faith is, trying to figure this thing out.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

That didn’t seem to help much either. I mean, I had “faith” that she would be healed, meaning that I “hoped” she would be healed. But that didn’t really jive with other scripture in the Bible. Sure, Joseph ended up doing great things, but good grief, he got royally screwed. And screwed. And then screwed some more. But he never gave up having faith. So maybe, just maybe, this faith thing has nothing (NOTHING) to do with my circumstances. Maybe “faith” is not believing in something, but rather trusting in Someone.

There is another scripture where Jesus heals a cripple:

Some people brought to him a paralytic, lying on a bed. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9:2)

But wait a minute! He didn’t heal him at first! The miracle was not in the healing. The miracle was forgiveness!! And that’s what made the religious leaders mad. And it was to show the leaders that he was the Son of God that he healed the man. So then that got me thinking more. If there is a God (which I believe) and He sent His son to earth so that we could have a relationship with Him (which I believe) and I have been forgiven (which I needed) and the point of my life is to glorify this God (which I try), then that must mean that He would receive more glory from her dying, than if she lived.

Could she have been healed? Absolutely! But she wasn’t. If I’m going to claim to be a follower of Christ, then that means I have to trust when things are good, and trust when things are bad. I did ask for something after coming to this realization. “Lord, I know that I may never understand why she had to die, when she did and the way she did. But if you could ever let me know, that would be great.” And then I received an answer. Because of my love for running, I ran my second marathon with Team in Training in honor of my mother that had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. And during that training I met a friend that has held such a special place in my heart. And it occurred to me that if my mom had not died when she did and in the way she did, I would never have met her. It doesn’t mean that I wanted my mom to die, or that I will ever stop missing her. But it gives me such peace to know that The Lord is always at work.

I have faith that God is who He says He is, and I believe that Jesus is His son. My faith is not in what God can do for me. My faith is that He is God, and I can trust Him. I don’t know if The Lord will heal your dad, or get you a job, or allow you to have a child. But I know that He is Good.

 

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Faith, Trust, Surrender

Stay Sane

Let me start by saying that I have by no means had a difficult life. I was born into a loving family that worked hard and always had food to eat. I have married a loving man that treats me well and provides for our family. Those things alone, I understand that I am have been blessed and live an advantaged life. But it hasn’t always been a walk in the park either. Like many of you, I suppose. Life has given us many blissful moments, and also broken our hearts. In my journey of life I have gained a glimpse of what it means to have faith. Over the next month, I would like to share this journey with you.

For now though, I want to share this video with you. It is my favorite song. It’s pretty long (9 minutes) but I’m always disappointed when it’s over. And it really expresses how my life journey has affected me. I have experienced first hand, “You’ve never failed and You won’t start now.” I continually call upon The Lord “When oceans rise.” My prayer for my life is to be led “where my trust is without borders.” And I do “rest in [His] embrace.” That’s the only way I have survived so far on this journey.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Learn From Others. Be Encouraged. Repeat.

Be Healthy, Save, Stay Sane

I think it is so valuable to surround oneself with positive, encouraging, and challenging people. And then to learn from them. There is so much that we can learn from others. When we moved to South Carolina a year and a half ago one of the first things we did was join the YMCA. It has had a tremendous positive impact on our family. And part of that is because I met Chris my first week being there. Right away she made me feel so welcomed and talked with me like she had known me for years. Over the next year she challenged me physically and nutritionally to be stronger and healthier. And it’s her fault that I started competing in triathlons! While she is being an encouragement to others, she is a wife, mother, health coach, fitness intstructor, and business owner. This is definitely someone that I want to learn from, and she was generous enough to let me interview her so that you can learn from her as well.

 

What all are you juggling at the moment?

I’m teaching fitness classes which is an ongoing thing.  Also building my business which includes planning and customizing online detox programs, updating the website, marketing, and making connections with other local business owners with a simular passion. And for the past year I’ve been studying functional nutrition online at Replenish which is part of Holistic Nutrition Labs.

What does a typical day look like for you?

I start with a workout either on my own or teaching a class. Then it’s a couple hours working on the computer building the business. Once it’s 3 O’Clock, it’s all about the kids! Picking them up, completing homework, going to activities, and cooking dinner. And of course mixed in there is grocery shopping, and cleaning. I don’t have a house cleaner yet!

We can’t do it all, and have to sacrifice certain things at times. What do you sacrifice?

Well, I’ll tell you what I don’t sacrifrice. I don’t sacrifice my workouts, or cooking for my family, and my kid time. What I do sacrifice is building my business. There are so many ideas that I have and want to do, but I have to say it’ll come later because there is not the time for it right now. It’s hard sometimes though, because I get real excited and I’m passionate about it and want to try something, but then I am overbooking myself and I get stressed and end up taking it out on the family. It’s a constant going back and forth and trying to find and keep that balance.

Is your house clean right now?

It’s picked up, but there is dust on the baseboards. My husband appreciates organization, so to honor him I keep it picked up. But my junk drawer is junky!

Do you have any money saving tips?

I shop around different grocery stores. Mainly I go to Trader Joes, Publix, and Wholefoods and shop whatever is on sale and in season. This means that sometimes I am meal planning on the fly. Also I will buy in bulk for things that I know we will use, but if I’m making a new recipe I will go to Earth Fare to their spice section and just buy what I need for the recipe in case I don’t like it. That way I don’t buy a whole bottle of a spice that I would maybe not use before it expired. And we don’t eat out. I’d rather spend that money on an organic meal to make at home. I guess I spend a lot of time at grocery stores!

 

It’s encouraging for me to know that I am not alone in this universe with wanting to do more than I have the time or energy for. It’s healthy to prioritize, and it’s okay to let things further down the list be neglected at times.

If you would like to connect with Chris (and you should) to learn and be challenged, you can visit her website at www.nourish2live.com, or on Facebook.

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A Little Side of Holiday Cheer

Eat, Stay Sane

For Thanksgiving this year my mother-in-law requested glazed carrots. I said sure! Even though I’ve never made glazed carrots in my life. Shhh, she didn’t know that. But I knew I was going to be ok because I had just gotten my December issue of Southern Living. I love, love, love that magazine. And in this (double) issue there was a recipe for glazed carrots that sounded a little risky and a lot yummy. I can take absolutely no credit for this recipe. I would never have dreamt to put cumin and ginger together. Never. Ever.

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Ingredient:

Approx 1 3/4 lb carrots

2 Tb olive oil

1 tsp kosher salt

1 tsp cumin

1/2 cup orange marmalade

1/2 cup orange juice

1 tsp ground ginger

1 tsp minced fresh rosemary leaves

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Step One:

Preheat oven 475. Peel carrots.

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Step Two:

Toss carrots with olive oil, salt, and cumin. Arrange in single layer on baking sheet. Bake for 25 minutes.

Step Three:

While carrots are roasting, combine marmalade, juice, and ginger in saucepan and bring to a boil stirring often for about 4-6 minutes. Remove from heat and add rosemary.

 

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Step Four:

Toss carrots with marmalade mixture. Place on serving platter.

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Some notes. I bought the carrots, and marmalade at Trader Joes. I already had the cumin, ginger, and oj. My mother-in-law had fresh rosemary. I used 4 lbs of carrots instead (big family) and did not change the amount of marmalade mixture. It was plenty. I thought it was super yummy, the kiddos maybe not so much. Regardless, it was very festive looking!

Here is the price breakdown:

Carrots 4.98

Orange marmalade .96

OJ .18

Olive oil .09

Total: $6.21 That served 8 adults, 5 kids, and had a few left over.

 

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