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Stay Sane

Category: Stay Sane

I Am Enough

Love, Stay Sane

This here is a safe place. A place we can be honest. A place we can trust each other. So please allow me to speak from my heart.

I have often felt like I am ruining my children. And am critical of my body. And am disappointed in myself, annoyed by myself, and frustrated with myself.

But…

Not as much as I once did. (Hallelujah!)

There are times I do not react to my children in the right way. And at times I don’t make healthy choices. At times I do disappointing things, annoying things, and frustrating things.

But…

I am not those things. (Hallelujah!)

I changed the dialogue in my head.

I was already doing this for my children. I speak over them what I want them to be. Sweet, loving, hard working, good. Not always easy to do. Sometimes I want to call them punks, brats, selfish, and annoying. And sometimes they are acting like those things (I’m not unrealistic). But they are not those things.

 

 

 

This may seem so awkward at first. Like you are lying. I assure you, you are being honest with yourself. I guarantee there has been at least one moment in your life you achieved the trait you are aspiring to live out. Think about that time, and speak it over yourself with faith.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Repeat After Me…

I am loved

I am healthy

I am beautiful

I am enough

I am kind

I am generous

I am happy

I am patient

I am fun

I am confident

I am wise

I am a good mom

 

So what do we do with ourselves when we do fail to be what we aspire to be? Acknowledge it. Confess that it was wrong. Ask for forgiveness (from God, our spouse, our children, our friends). And say…

I am forgiven!

Our actions do not have to define us, but can if we allow them. If we will change the dialogue in our heads, our actions will follow.

Finally, [mommas], whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

 

xoxo

 

ps. Don’t forget to subscribe. Subscribers have access to my new meal plan “Dinners for a Month” for free! Save money and reduce your time in the kitchen. 

Baby Steps

Be Healthy, Stay Sane

“Baby steps to the elevator…”

“Baby steps on the bus…”

“Baby steps to 4 o’clock…”

-Bob Wiley (Bill Murray in What About Bob)

I’ve been told that my health and fitness level is intimidating. I thought this was absurd, but then I started to see how it could come across like that. Both my hubby and I are pretty passionate about fitness, and try to make healthy choices. But this was not always the case, and it did not happen all at once.

We rarely eat out, and our meals are cooked with healthy ingredients, but it did not start this way. When my hubby and I were first married I ate toaster strudels for breakfast. After lunch I would eat a candy bar pretty much everyday. For dinner we ate a lot of frozen meals and instant potatoes.

My hubby is a proponent of protein shakes. He now uses a pharmaceutical grade whey protein. But over a decade ago he used soy protein. It was causing lumps to form in his pectorals. Too much soy can do wicked things to our bodies.

I started running in high school, but never long distances. It started with just a few miles to stay in shape. Then this hot guy (not yet my hubby) asked if I wanted to run a 5 mile Thanksgiving day run with him…. Then I completed a 10K…. Then a 10 miler…. Then a half marathon…. Then a marathon…. Then 15 more marathons….

The point is, we made and are still making gradual small changes to become healthier.

 

Baby Steps

Why not take Bob Wiley’s advice and “baby step” to a healthier you?

 

~Prepare meals ahead of time so there are healthy ones ready and available.

 

~Swap canned veggies with frozen.

 

~Switch to organic in one category at a time. Organic food can be expensive if you switch everything all at once. Start with just bread. Then switch the meat. If you gradually switch over, it won’t be such a shock on your wallet.

 

~Replace sodas with sparkling water and a lime/lemon. Don’t get me wrong, this is a sacrifice. But it does satisfy the craving for something with fizz.

 

~Replace chemical-laden household and beauty items with natural ones as you run out. Don’t feel like you need to dump all your cleaning and beauty items in the trash, that would be wasteful. And we all hate wasting money!

 

~Add to your workout. Maybe this will be just 5 extra minutes. Or an extra mile. Or an extra day a week. Or a new workout. If you’re not exercising, then start with something that is manageable.

 

 

There are still ways that I know I can improve and become healthier. For instance: I buy mostly organic, but not totally. And I still eat snacks that I know are not the healthiest option. And I still have a weakness for doughnuts. But the point is to be making progress. It doesn’t matter where we are on the journey. Just that we are on the journey.

Before you know it, you’ll be saying:

“I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful!” (Another Bob Wiley quote. Now go watch What About Bob!)

 

xoxo

babysteps

Dashing Through the Holidays (and laughing all the way)!

Stay Sane

I was running around like a crazy lady. I had about 2 hours to get all my errands done while my hubby was home with the kiddos. And I said it. I admitted I was ready for the holidays to be over. So sad. I already have a humbug reputation because I don’t like Christmas music. Now I was wishing the whole season away.

There are parties to go to, eggnog to drink, cards to write, children to dress up, and friends to hug. So much fun stuff. The problem is, this is in addition to: a job to work, a house to clean, children to feed, laundry to wash, and groceries to buy.

Lots of people do not have the luxury of slowing down during this time. Think about it:

  • The retail worker
  • The delivery person
  • The mom of school age children
  • The mom of a child with special needs
  • The mom of a child with compromised health
  • The mom whose husband travels
  • The single mom
  • The mom (what mom isn’t busy??)

 

 

I hear people talk about slowing down and focusing on what Christmas is all about. That sounds nice and all, but is that realistic? Can we have both? Can we be crazy busy, but still enjoy ourselves? And most importantly keep focus on the point of Christmas?

I have been thinking about the birth of Christ, and what it was really like. Most likely…

It was not peaceful: Mary was 9 months pregnant. Traveling. On a donkey. I was 7 months pregnant traveling in a SUV and was miserable. I guarantee there was some stress involved. The urgency to get there. Feeling uncomfortable. Needing to pee.

It was not quiet: There was no planned induction with an epidural scheduled. My last two babies came super quick and I did not have an epidural. I’m naturally a loud talker when I get excited (my family will attest to that), but in the delivery room my husband was actually uncomfortable with how loud I was. Non-medicated childbirth involves some yelling. Or at least strained moaning. And then there’s the baby. Now I know he was the son of God and perfect and all, but I’m willing to bet he cried. A lot. (I was just informed this week that some people do believe that Jesus never cried and that the birth wasn’t painful. I respectfully disagree. But that’s a whole different conversation for another time.)

But I’m sure that…

It was joyous: Pushing out a baby is no easy task (with or without medication), but holding your child for the first time is absolutely one of the most joyous moments that can be experienced (including adoptive parents).

It was awesome, humbling, emotional, and a relief: Can you imagine? Her whole life she was taught that a Savior would come and rescue them. And then to be chosen to be the one to give birth to said Savior. And she loved Him, not just with a devout love, but with a mother’s love. In her arms was the baby who would grow to be a man that would provide a way for all people to be reunited with God. Not for people to be saved from a worldly ruler, but to be saved from an eternity apart from God.

 

 

If you find yourself in a situation where you are not able to slow down, then just embrace the hustle and bustle. And as you are rushing around buying/wrapping/giving gifts, remember the gift that was given for us. Rejoice! Turn up the Christmas music! Keep on dashing and laughing all the way!

 

xoxo

dashing

Hope is a Beautiful Thing

Love, Parent, Stay Sane

 

“Santa, Santa! Do your reindeer really fly!!” This was coming from my 4 year old as he anxiously awaited to see Ol’ Saint Nick.

“But how?” And, “How old are you?” This from my almost 8 year old. He has also written Santa a letter. Complete with the address of “The North Poll.”

I am dreading the moment when he finds out this whole Santa thing is a sham. My hubby and I discussed that maybe we should tell him. I just can’t do it. I don’t want to. I’ve already shattered the Tooth Fairy lie, and that was traumatic enough (click the link if you want a good laugh).

My sister also advised against it. She told her oldest son, now 18 years old, when he was the same age as my son now. She told me that it was a bad mommy moment and she would give anything to take it back. The look on his face broke her heart.

I almost blew it. He was asking me questions about Saint Nicholas. The real one. So I thought I would get a book from the library. Brilliant thinking, right? Nope. Thankfully I told him that he was not allowed to read it without me because I wanted to read it too. I quickly had to stop reading it to him. It flat out said, “We all remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn’t real…” Yikes! I barely dodged that bullet. Or did I? Was he reading ahead while he was sitting next to me?

Since then he seems to be asking more questions. Trying to figure it out. Trying to catch Santa in a lie. Going all out to either make himself believe or to see if we will stop him.

 

 

It’s good to believe in something and to believe that Someone is looking out for us. We need to live with a hope and an expectation that something wonderful is going to happen. We long to have our wishes granted. We look forward to life being simpler. We want good things to happen to good people. We want gifts to be given with nothing expected in return. It’s called hope.

Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

I hope for a world where there are no wars, no refugees, no murder. I hope for peace, and love, and kindness.

Sometimes I simply hope to have hope.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18

My hope is not in politicians. It is not in laws. Not even in non-profit organizations. My hope is in heaven with the real Saint Nicholas. My hope is in The Lord.

Hope is a beautiful thing.

 

 

Do your children still believe in Santa Claus? How did they find out he wasn’t really the one leaving gifts? What are you hoping for?

hope

 

You Are Loved, Fiercely

Parent, Stay Sane

Numerous times I have been speaking to my boys and I “feel” a tap on my shoulder. I know what I said to them was actually the Lord speaking to me. He is the perfect parent, so it makes sense that He would use our parenting to instruct us as well.

 

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Examples

 

“You are expecting it to do something it was not made to do.”

To my children: Several years ago I said this to my oldest child when he was getting frustrated with a toy.

To me: The Lord was telling me that I had been expecting more out of my child than he was able to do at that time. I still hear this. Now it is in the context that I am expecting my children to be someone other than who they were created to be.

“You can trust what I say. Because I love you, I will keep my word.”

To my children: This was just this past week. My 4 year old was throwing a fit (again) and I told him there would be a consequence if he didn’t stop. He stopped for a while, but then decided to test me. So I had to follow through. Which resulted in lots of crying and then lots of hugs.

To me: Whether or not it is what I want to hear, I know I can trust the Lord. Because He loves me, He will keep His Word.

“Doing your best is all that matters.”

To my children: Both of my boys get frustrated with themselves when they make mistakes and want to give up when learning something new.

To me: Often my own best doesn’t feel good enough. I think I need to be more and do more. Thankfully this is not truth.

“There is nothing you can do or not do that will make me love you more or love you less. I love you fiercely.”

To my children: My oldest was upset he didn’t pass the swim test, and was scared to try again. He actually asked me what I would do to him if he didn’t pass. Gasp. My heart broke.

To me: I struggle with trying to impress others to gain approval. Thankfully there is nothing I can do to change how much the Lord loves me. This is a beautiful thing.

“I am not disappointed in you, I am disappointed for you.”

To my children: This was also after he didn’t pass the swim test. I was still trying to confirm that it was alright. He absolutely had the skill and ability to pass the test, but it had become a mental battle for him. I wanted him to experience the confidence and satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something he had been working so hard to achieve.

To me: When I mess up (said something rude, lost my temper, been critical, etc.) I feel so ashamed and want to beat myself up for it. The Lord was gently whispering in my ear that I am not a disappointment. But I have done some disappointing things.

“Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That’s called being dramatic.”

To my children and me: Umm, yeah. Pretty much my entire life right here.

“Don’t get frustrated. Just try again.”

To my children: My four year old gets frustrated so easily. He tries to draw the letter “A” and starts crying because the lines are crooked. It takes a lot of encouraging from the whole family to get him through it.

To me: I do this too. I love starting things, but get discouraged when it doesn’t come easily to me. So I usually end up starting and then stopping. And then starting and then stopping. And then… Thankfully I am also surrounded by encouraging people that help me through these times.

Final Thought

As you are in the day to day grind be aware of the moments the Lord is using your own voice to teach you.

There is one more I want to share with you. This was not from me, but what a friend said to her daughter. It was a punch in my gut, and something I desperately needed to hear.

“You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Oh dear mommas, please hear this, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”

 

xoxo

 

Taming Time

Save, Stay Sane

There is so much to do during our day as busy moms. We need to take care of our family, the house, and hopefully ourselves as well.

What does your daily to-do list look like? Are you able to get it all done? Are you stressed when you are not able to fit it all in? Here are some thoughts to manage life as a busy momma.

 

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My View

My hubby and I are both list makers. He has lists for his lists. Literally. The difference between him and I is that if I have things left on my to do list, it is a weight on my shoulders. A burden that I will carry until I either get it done, or decide that it should never have been put on the list in the first place.

For the first time in my life (ok, that’s an exaggeration, maybe just the first time in a while) I have not been able to do all that I want to do. My hubby tells me it is alright, he is impressed that I get as much done as I do. But this doesn’t help. I WANT to do it all!!

I want to homeschool, go to the gym, craft, make great dinners, bake my own bread, spend quality time with each of my children, snuggle on the couch with my hubby, write compelling blog posts, the list goes on and on and….

As I have been coming to terms with the reality that I just can’t do it all, I remembered hearing an analogy of how to prioritize your life. Maybe you have heard this before. It starts with a big jar or bowl. If you fill it with little pebbles first, and then put big rocks in last, it won’t all fit. But, if you put the big rocks in first, and then fill it with the little pebbles, it will actually all fit in the jar!

 

 

What To Do About It

Mountains.

These are the things that are non-negotiable. The true needs. The things that are required for existence. People over use the word “need.” I need to do this… I need to do that… No, no you don’t.

  • Feed and clothe my family (That is it, that’s all I really “need” to do. And maybe wipe them down every now and then.)

Boulders.

These are the really important things, but not a need. If it came down to it, I could stop or pause if I needed to.

  • Homeschool
  • Laundry (As in wash and dry. Putting them away is not as important. Life will not end with wrinkled clothes.)
  • Children’s extracurricular activities (Sports, arts, clubs, etc.)

Cobbles.

These are the things I know will help my attitude or my children’s attitude and in turn help me to be a better wife and mother. These are really the same level of importance as Boulders, but more self-focused.

  • Spend time in silence before the kids are up
  • Snuggle with my kiddos
  • Snuggle with my hubby
  • Exercise

Stones.

These are the things I want to do. More than likely, I will only have time for one of these.

  • Blog
  • Craft
  • Rest

Pebbles.

These are things I should do, but don’t necessarily want or have to do.

  • Clean (Nobody cares if my bookshelf is dusty or there are spots on the floor, but I personally would like to have it done.)
  • Laundry (As in fold them and put them away.)

Sand.

These are things I need to let go of and accept that this is not necessary in my current season of life.

  • Baking bread (But it’s sooo yummy!!)
  • Working in the yard (Trimming bushes and pulling weeds will have to wait.)

 

I know myself well enough to know that if I am overwhelmed, I shut down. So I made a list of a few things that can be done in about 5 minutes. These are “pebbles,” the little things that I fit in throughout the day.

  • Unload the dishwasher
  • Put a load in the washer
  • Put a load in the dryer
  • Dust a room
  • Throw away trash in the car
  • Hang up clothes in bedroom

Final Thought

I’m sure I have missed about a dozen things that belong on these lists. And most likely your list will not look just like mine. We all have different priorities of things that will keep us productive and calm. The important thing is to be intentional with your time. Know when to leave items off your to-do list. Go snuggle those babies!

 

xoxo

clock

Content Within the Discontent

Stay Sane

The holiday season is upon us and I have been inundated with the message that I need to be thankful. And I’m sick of it. What if I don’t want to be? You don’t know what has happened to me! What if I don’t feel like I have anything to be thankful for? What if I want to be surly and miserable? Stop telling me to be happy all the time!

 

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Real Life, Real Gratitude

Do we really need to be thankful? How do we find this place of contentment when times are hard? What’s the point? Can we just “fake it til we make it” or does is have to be real? What if we can’t seem to get to this place of contentment?

It turns out we do need to be grateful.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Even when our circumstances are not ideal.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But sometimes we are discontent for a reason. If we were truly content all the time, we would never be prompted to change or grow. The hope we have is that our discontentment in not in vain.

…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts…. Romans 5:3-5

And we don’t have to fake our contentment. Sometimes life is just truly crappy. For real.

Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. my eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. Psalm 69:1-3 (“I sink in deep mire” sounds a whole lot like “I’m in deep crap,” don’t you think?)

But the waiting can be long, no doubt. I’m not even going to sugar-coat that for you.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

 

 

Final Thought

Take a deep breath. Feel God’s love embracing you. And wait patiently for Him to move you out of your discontentment. Thankfully He loves us and we can trust Him.

 

Are you feeling discontent at the moment? Are you feeling discouraged? What have you found to help get you through times of discontentment in the past? 

 

xoxo

 

6 People We All Need In Our Cheering Squad

Love, Stay Sane

Life can be fun and exciting and full of energy. Or it can be a drag. Whether we are in the rush or the slush, we all need to be surrounded by people to challenge us to be our better self.

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I have been blessed to have a great “cheering squad” in my life. If I’m struggling with my day, or week, or even year, these people have been there to keep me going, or in some cases, keep me still. I know they love me and want what is best for me and my family. Without them, I would not be where I am today. With them, I know tomorrow will be conquered.

 

6 People to Have in Your Cheering Squad

The Dreamer: This is the person that is always coming up with ideas. Every time you see them they have a new adventure planned and one for you as well.

!!!!Warning, don’t be tempted to lose focus and get off the path you are on.

The Motivator: This is the person that once you have an idea, they tell you should go for it. They think you are the best at whatever it is that you are doing, or at least make you feel that you are.

!!!!Warning, don’t let this prompt you to act before you are ready.

The Brainstormer: This is the person that will keep you going once you have an idea or plan by keeping your mind focused on what you can do to keep improving.

!!!!Warning, planning is a good thing, but be sure to take action after you have done your planning.

The Realist: This is the person that will keep you in check and not allow you to run too far ahead.

!!!!Warning, this can feel like discouragement, but that is not the intent.

The Questioner: This is the person that will ask challenging questions to make you think through all the steps. The questions are not to discourage or encourage. Just to make you think through every possible angle.

!!!!Warning, nothing will ever have all the kinks worked out, don’t let this immobilize you.

The Encourager: This is the person that will shower you with compliments and make you feel like you are changing the world. And they will do this just about the time you want to give up.

!!!!Warning, this person loves you and what you do, don’t let it cause you to think higher of yourself than you should.

Final Thought

Some of your “cheerers” will have more than one of these traits. Or you may have more than one kind of “cheerer” (I know I have multiple encouragers in my squad). Life is too complicated and busy to spend time on discouraging thoughts. Surround yourself with people that will love you and challenge you!

 

xoxo

How Do You Do Calm?

Parent, Stay Sane

In the past week I have had two different people ask me why I started this blog. The answer: a Target commercial. That and a good friend telling me I should.

In this Target commercial there was a woman that woke up early and went to the gym, got her kids off to school, looked beautiful going into work, came home and cooked dinner, and then spent the evening playing with her children. It ticked me off! I was so angry at this commercial for putting so much pressure on women to have it all together. I may be able to accomplish some of those things, but I probably won’t be smiling at the end of the day.

Perhaps you can relate to this feeling of being overwhelmed trying to fit a mold of what you think you should be. God has designed each of us mommas to be the best momma for our children. We don’t have our friends’ children, therefore we do not need to do things just like our friends. Or even what we think our friends/actresses on a commercial may be doing.

 

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Several years ago when I was working as a dental hygienist I had a patient tell me, “I bet you are such a good mom. You are so calm and patient.”

Hahahahahahahaha!! I’m still laughing about that one. No one who knows me well has ever called me “calm.”

But I have tried to pay attention to what things stress me, and what things stress me more (not a typo-all things have a certain degree of stress). And I choose, as best I can, to take the calmer path.

After having my third child I felt like I needed to try the baby wearing thing. Little girl was being quite fussy and I had a couple people suggest doing that. Absolutely no pressure from them. They were being helpful by providing suggestions and I appreciate that. It was worth a shot. But I completely hated it! I was more stressed, which caused her to be more stressed. You know what calmed us both down? I put her in the crib and closed the door. She would fuss for about 30 seconds and then go to sleep. And now, whenever she’s getting fussy while being held, I lay her on the floor. Immediately she is happy and cooing. The girl needs her space, just like her momma!

 

Mommas, Listen Up!!

You gotta do whatever your calm is! Our children need us calm, not frazzled.

 

Does it stress you to be tied to a schedule? Then wing it!

Does it stress you to not have a plan? Then schedule your day!

Does it stress you to dust/sweep/put away laundry? Then let it go for the next 5 years!

Does it stress you to have dust/dirty floors/clothes unfolded? Then go clean while your kids watch Wild Kratz!

Does it stress you to be home all day? Then pack up the kids and hit the town!

Does it stress you to have to pack up the kids? Then stay home!

 

 

Final Thought

The only thing that is non-negotiable is that we MUST MUST MUST love our children. And I think we have that part covered.

 

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How To Develop A Meal Plan

Be Healthy, Eat, Save, Stay Sane

Ain’t nobody got time for that!!

This bit of bad grammar is brought to you by my desire to reduce the amount of time we spend in the kitchen. We are busy moms! We have babies to feed and kids to drive to practice and games to play outside (and maybe naps to take)!

 

 

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Rules

For the way I do my meal planning, there are just two rules.

Rule #1 You have to have a crock pot and microwave. This is the one I love. It leaves the meat so tender that it just falls apart.

Rule #2 You have to be okay with leftovers. I prefer to cook 3 big meals and then reheat, rather than 7 small meals.

Steps

Step #1 Make a list of foods you already have on hand. Especially items that may be about to expire.

For instance, if you have a head of broccoli that has been sitting in your fridge for a week, then your first meal is going to be include broccoli. In this photo you can see that I have starred the kale and avocado letting me know that they need to be used. I hate throwing out food.

 

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Step #2 Make a list of meals that you would like to eat.

Obviously, choose meals that include what you already have. If you don’t have items already in your fridge, then it’s free game!

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Step #3 Schedule those those meals while considering if they will work with your family’s schedule.

We are not home Tuesday and Thursday afternoons before dinner time, so a casserole would not work on those days because no one will be home to put it in the oven. On those days we either use the crockpot or have leftovers warmed up in the microwave.

 

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Step #4 Write down a list of ingredients you will need to get.

Go through your recipes, or your mind, to make sure you have everything you will need on hand.

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Step #5 Find time to go to the store.

Remember to take the list with you!!

Tips

Tip! Plan a months worth of meals and then shop at a wholesale store.

Tip! Use fresh ingredients first and end with frozen meat and veggies.

Tip! Freeze unbaked casseroles if you want to prepare for more than a week at a time.

Tip! Roast veggies and put in storage containers to reheat with crock pot meals.

 

 

Hopefully this simplifies meal planning. Or you can leave all the work to me! Simply subscribe to Oh Lord Help Us with your email. Starting in January I will send you a month’s worth of meal planning, complete with recipes, shopping lists and price per serving breakdown.

xoxo

 

 

photo credit: Benjamin Faust

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