Stay Sane – Page 25 – Oh Lord Help Us

You Are Powerful

Stay SaneOctober 23, 2016

We have tremendous amounts of influence. And with that influence, we can change our lives. Want a better marriage? Children who are growing into amazing people? Even better behaved pets? As women, we are always desiring control. Well, here it is. This is not about manipulation. This is about encouraging others to be their best selves.

Marriage

This past week I heard a talk about relationships and how men need respect the same way women need love.

Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33, ESV

I thought it was appropriate timing, as it was my husband and mine’s wedding anniversary. This was not anything new, I’ve heard this many times before, but I was so encouraged by what was said.

To be honest, I have been slipping with showing respect. Blame it on stress, or selfishness, but I can’t blame it on him. My tone has been becoming harsh. I’ve been quick to jump to conclusions. I was becoming a nag. Thank you Jesus for bringing this to my attention, and please forgive me!

If we want to be loved passionately by our spouse, then we have the power to change the cycle. Don’t wait for him to be Mr. Romantic. Instead, respect who he is. Focus on one thing that is impressive. And tell him.

Ways to express respect:

I am so impressed how you… (handled that situation).
I really admire how you… (work so diligently).
I think it’s great when… (parent that way).

You can only control your own actions. With our actions, however, we can influence others. By respecting our husbands, we are influencing them to love us in return.

Children

My middle child, who is now 5 years old, still tends to throw a tantrum when he is frustrated. It usually involves something he is trying to make that is not producing the results he desires. This past week he became frustrated that a drawing he was working on wasn’t looking the way he wanted. I understand getting frustrated, but when he starts whining and stomping his feet, my head wants to explode! My natural tendency is to try to overpower him, but this only results in him continuing to escalate. He was sent to his room, where he continued to to cry and yell. With a quick, “Help me Jesus,” I went in his room and told him to stop acting like a whiny baby. Yes, that is what I said. No, this is not the advice I’m giving. In the next moment, the Lord gave me the words.

“You are acting like a whiny baby. You are not a whiny baby. You are a smart, talented, hardworking little boy! You are a hard worker who likes for things to be done well. You are fun, and compassionate. Be that little boy, because that is who you are!!!”

His tears of anger turned into one of his signature bear hugs. He was like a completely different child after that. I’m not saying to call your child names (although you may want to), but do affirm to them the traits that will continue to develop them into amazing people.

Overpowering our children to produce “better” behavior is a short term response at best. But by influencing their hearts, and speaking truth to them, they will be truly changed.

Pets

A week ago I was about to ship my dog to live with my parents in Kentucky. She was getting on my very last nerve, and I was struggling with being so angry with her. One of the best parts of this new house is a good size, fenced in backyard. I was looking forward to letting the kids and dog run free in a safe enclosed space. And then, wouldn’t you know it, she figured out a way to escape. That was how we met our next door neighbors. Our dog was humping their dog. And our dog is a girl!! What the heck?!? She also has been obsessed with the shed in the yard. I’m pretty sure there is some little critter living under there that she is desperate to get ahold of. So desperate in fact, that even when it was pouring down rain during the hurricane, she would run out to dig at the side of the shed. And of course, she wouldn’t come when she was being called. So out I go to get her, wet and muddy, and carry her back into the house. Something had to change.

I realized I was being controlled by a 15 pound ball of white fluff. Punishing her for being naughty was not working. Maybe praising her for being good would be better. I have given that dog so many treats this past week. The first few times I had to entice her from out in the yard to come inside. As soon as she came to the door I gave her a treat and showered her with praise. Then I could show her the treat and call her from the deck. Now, she actually comes! In just a matter of days, I have my sweet puppy back, and I don’t worry about what the neighbors think because I’m yelling at my dog.

Final Thought

We have the power to change our lives. By showing respect and kindness to all of those around us we can begin to spiral upward in our relationships rather than spiraling downward into despair. Respect produces love, which in turn produces more respect. I know this sounds super simple. Please know that I am not that naive, especially in regards to a relationship with a spouse. If the relationship has been spiraling down for years, it is not going to be transformed in a week, or month, or maybe even a year. Pray for endurance, pray to be satisfied by the love of Christ, and pray for the supernatural ability to pursue your husband even if you feel he doesn’t deserve it.

You, dear lady, have power with your influence!

xoxo

Letting Go of the Meal Plan

Be Healthy, Eat, Save, Stay SaneOctober 16, 2016

I have just spent the past hour prepping all my meals for this upcoming weak. At this moment, I have okra and chicken soup in the crockpot, a meatloaf prepped and ready to go into the oven tomorrow afternoon, and a pot of pumpkin chili that will be reheated later in the week. My house is smelling real good right now!

Over the past couple of years I have become a huge fan of meal planning and a weekly meal prep time for these reasons:

It saves our family money because I use all the food we buy.
It saves me a ton of time because I don’t have to cook during the week.
It is healthy because by choosing meals ahead of time we are less likely to eat processed foods.

Sometimes, however, the best laid plans end up flying right out the window!

To be honest, I have become completely dependent on meal prepping ahead of time. So much so, if I have not done my prep work, then there is a good chance there will be NO dinner. One afternoon a couple weeks ago, I just simply forgot to make dinner. I had food that I could have made, but the meat was frozen and it required too much prep time. I even had it written down on my handy meal plan pad what I was going to make. The problem was, it was a crock pot meal. You can’t start a crock pot meal at 5 in the evening!!

Along with a scattered brain due to our lives being in upheaval because of the move, our healthy eating pretty much dissolved away also. You want frozen pizza? Sure! You want Chick-fil-a (again)? Sure! You want cereal for dinner? Sure!

Want to know what this ultra-organized-marathon-running-healthy-eating momma served my kiddos the night I forgot to make dinner? Frozen shrimp and baby carrots. Gross. It was so greasy. And who serves carrots with shrimp? I was trying to salvage it, I suppose.

But you know what? My boys thought it was great! They get excited when I throw together some ridiculous meal. They say things like, “Mom, you’re the bestest ever!” Seriously, this is what they think. All the while I’m thinking, “What is my problem? How can I forget to make dinner for my family? I’m such a slacker!” If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of our children.

So yes, meal planning and prepping works for me. I’m thankful to be back at it now because it does help me feel calmer and more organized. But sometimes it is just not realistic. Sometimes, I’m simply thankful that we have food period. My children are fed and cared for. And it is all good!

What is the craziest thing you have thrown together for dinner?

Deciding NOT to Homeschool

Parent, Stay SaneOctober 9, 2016

Nearly a year ago I shared a post about deciding to homeschool. And in that post I shared that part of this process in deciding to homeschool was to give myself the freedom to stop.

“I may only do this until winter break. Or maybe for the year. Or maybe for elementary school. Or maybe through middle school. And I may not homeschool my second son. It may not be right for him.”

At the end of this past school year, in my homeschool review, I shared that the choice to homeschool was a scary one, but that I did not have any regrets. I wrote my review a week before learning that moving was a possibility.

“One year, one semester, one month at a time. I have no idea what we will be doing years from now, but I do know that I already bought the curriculum for next year!”

Well folks, It lasted for just over a year. We did start the year homeschooling in order that he would be up to speed when he began at the school here, which is a year-round program. The short time I was homeschooling confirmed for me that sending him to school was the right decision. I was in no condition mentally to be teaching. Now, my son is not only going to public school, but is even getting himself there on the bus!

The decision…

My decision to stop homeschooling came down to two main issues.

First, I would be losing the great support system where we lived before. It was fine with my son, who is very outgoing, to be home during the day because we were involved with so many people in so many different areas. Now, moving to a city where we do not know anyone, I felt that we would be isolated while homeschooling.

Second, moving is quite stressful and I need to be able to release stress through exercise, otherwise I am ineffective as a mom and teacher. Being active has allowed me to stay off medication. Endorphins are my drug of choice, and running is the best way to supply those for me. Not being able to exercise as frequently had always been my biggest concern with homeschooling. I was able to make it work last year since my son was only in second grade and the school work load was not heavy. But that load is only going to get heavier. Stress and the need for exercise are directly related. The more stress I have, the more important it is for me to exercise. The short time I did spend teaching my son was evidence of this. I struggled with being patient with him when learning something new, I was yelling more, and I feared that he would begin to hate learning if we continued.

The positive…

So far, my son is so happy being in school. The first day he came home talking about all the friends he had made. Him and his brother are not bickering as much. He has struggled with a new way of learning (Hello? Common Core!!) but seems to be catching on now.

The negative…

There is not as much time for extra things. Before, my son took piano lessons during the day, and he loved it and showed talent for it. Now, our piano has a layer of dust over it.

He has friends, and I don’t know who they are. I’m sure they are great kids, and I know I will eventually meet them and hopefully their parents. It’s odd for me that he has a life that I am not a part of. This is part of letting him grow. It’s exciting to see who he is becoming, but it hurts my heart a little too.

Final thought…

Just like I gave myself the freedom to stop homeschooling at any time, I also have the freedom to go back to it. As a mom, I never stop praying for wisdom to know what the best thing for my children is at each stage of life.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Moving

Stay SaneOctober 2, 2016

My life here lately has been consumed with this move. We are now residing in the Raleigh, NC area. In case you are just joining in, here is the breakdown of the timeline:

Sometime in April, my husband found out that his boss got a promotion within his company that was going to require a move to Raleigh. My husband was super bummed, his boss was a fantastic manager and a good friend. I, however, was bummed because I could see what was coming. Immediately I asked if there was a move in our future as well. “Not likely,” he responded.

The end of May, my husband tells me that they were finally hiring for the position that his boss held. I asked if he was going to apply for it, he said he could but that it would require us to move. I said, “Baby, I’ll follow you anywhere. As long as it’s not north of North Carolina!” So he applied.

A couple weeks later, in June, he had the interview. And then…nothing. He didn’t hear a thing. We just took this to mean that he didn’t get the position, and honestly we were just fine with that. We were loving our life in Greenville, and quite content to remain there.

The end of July, my husband calls me during the day and I knew. I knew that my life was about to be shaken up, yet again. He got the the promotion. My response, “Well, crap!” At some point I followed up with a, “Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.” I then proceeded to cry, and laugh, and then cry for the remainder of the afternoon.

The first of August, we started prepping our house to sell. At the same time, I was talking with a realtor in Raleigh about the possibility of buying a smaller home that we could afford (albeit tightly) in case it takes a while for our house to sell. We came to visit the Raleigh area, and looked at such a house. We were going to put an offer on it. We spent the whole way back to South Carolina discussing the pros and cons of it. When we got home, my husband comes to me and says, “There is a sex offender who lives across the street.” Yikes! He is a 75 year old man, and his last offense was within the past 5 years. So we passed.

The next week, another house came on the market in a super cute neighbor. Our realtor contacted me right away to see if we were interested. It went on the market at noon. Our realtor came to look at it at 2pm. We had an offer on it by 5pm. For real, we put an offer on a house without seeing it (In person at least. Our realtor had kindly showed us the house via FaceTime).

Now here we are, the end of September, all moved in! A lot of our furniture we left behind to stage our house, because indeed it has not yet sold. We have gone from 3100 to 1300 sq. ft. No garage. No “his” and “her” closets. No laundry room. We do have a shed, and a workshop, and a nice yard, all of which we are extremely grateful for. And you know what, it works! My daily life is simplified. Everything has it’s place. And most importantly, our family is all together!

And the Lord continues to provide for us, and in ways that are not just materials. The evening we were unloading the truck, our neighbors, who happen to have 4 kiddos close in ages to ours, came over and helped. Our truck was being unloaded to the sounds of children laughing and playing. Immediately, we felt connected and cared for.

Tips

Through this process, I also learned a few tips that I would like to pass on to you.

Tip #1 Do tell your kiddos that if they argue over toys, they will get packed. You’ll have their stuff packed in no time. Or no arguing. Either way, it’s a win!

Tip #2 Don’t ask one of your main moving helps to go mountain biking the weeks before the big move. My husband and a friend went for one last ride. Unfortunately, the friend went flying over the handlebars. Thankfully, he was not seriously injured, but he was pretty banged up and was unable to lift heavy items on the day of the move.

Tip #3 Do leave out the band-aids. Thankfully I did have the sense to do this. Sure enough, one night while the boys were getting ready for bed a few days before the move, my younger son sliced his foot.

Tip #4 Don’t pack up the ibuprofen. Just like the friend who hurt his back mountain biking, my back went out the week before as well. And the pain meds? Yep, in a box. In the garage. Somewhere. Thankfully, a friend gave me some until I could go out and buy more.

Tip #5 Do feel all the feelings. You may feel like a crazy person, but it’s perfectly normal to feel utterly sad one moment, and super excited the next. Cry freely, and laugh often.

Final Thought

Feeling sad and disappointed when life presents a sudden change is ok. It can be scary to let ourselves feel sad. It makes us feel helpless. I was noticing myself wanting to feel angry at things and people. Anger feels powerful. But I wasn’t really angry, I was just sad. Or maybe we think that if we are sad, that means we are not trusting the Lord. I was thankful that the Lord gave me the freedom to feel sad. Feeling sad was evidence of the joy we had while living there.

How Do You Feel About Prayer?

Stay SaneSeptember 11, 2016

I wanted to title this post, “How to Have All Your Prayers Answered in 3 Easy Steps” and it was going to go like this:

Step 1: Be thankful for everything.

Step 2: Only ask for intangible things.

Step 3: Follow everything up with “if.”

And even though my alternate title sounds like I’m being facetious, I don’t necessarily disagree with those three steps. But let me back up and tell you a bit more of what I struggle with and why.

Nearly 2 decades ago, when I was in college, I was fervent in prayer. I prayed with passion and I prayed specifically and I prayed for everything. I even considered myself a “prayer warrior.” I guess this was opposed to a “prayer pacifist.” Not really sure, but that may better describe me currently. It was after college that difficult life struggles hit. And my faith was shaken. And things that were once simple were not any longer.

After that, whenever I heard people talk about prayer, and that their prayers were answered, I felt jaded. Why weren’t mine? Did I not pray fervently enough? Did I not sacrifice enough? Were not enough people praying? And I found myself beginning to change the way I viewed prayer.

I accepted that the Lord has a plan, and even though I play a role in it, it is not about me. His plan is to bring all people into a deeper relationship with Him. And if His plan involves hardship in order to accomplish that, who am I to complain? Who am I to say He messed up or is wrong? But in accepting this, I no longer felt the need to pray for anything specific. No longer could I bring myself to ask for healing, or for a job, or for my house to sell.

My prayers began to become more conversational. That’s more of what it should be, don’t you think? Not a checklist of things that the Lord needs to take care of, or a wish list for a holy genie. I began to pray for things like peace, comfort, endurance, and wisdom. Or for sin to be removed from my heart. These are things that I know the Lord desires for all of us. I don’t know if He wants to solve [whatever it is that I am struggling with at the moment], but I know that He wants me to know a deeper dependence on Him. These are prayers that I can pray confidently.

I also don’t want to feel like I can manipulate the Lord with my prayers, otherwise I might take credit. I don’t want to pray for a life with no troubles, because that was never promised. I want a life where I am fully His. But…I also don’t want to go through troubles!! I’m not a crazy masochist! And so alas, this is difficult for me to resolve within myself.

This past week, as I’ve been fighting off the feeling of discouragement, I became overwhelmed with all that needs to be done in the next 2 weeks. I wanted to pray that God would send someone to buy our house and have this stress taken from me, but I just couldn’t seem to ask for it. So I reached out to an amazing group of ladies that I meet with regularly to pray on my behalf. And then I had a long talk with the Lord that went something like this:

“Lord, You know what I’m struggling with. You know that we need someone to buy our house. You know that I’m stressed, so give me peace Lord. But what if You don’t want someone to buy our house yet. What if the person You want to live here isn’t ready? And maybe it’s not even about me, maybe it’s about them. Or maybe we were wrong to buy this house, and we are paying the consequences. What if there is something I need to learn? I don’t want to rush through learning what You have for me. I know that You are going to take care of us. So why am I even perplexed? Why am I wanting this so badly and feeling discouraged? [Here I went quiet, listening…] Ahh! I just don’t want to be bothered! To be honest, I’m just tired of keeping my house clean, and I’m mentally drained with trying to figure out how to pack when we need to leave things behind.”

Then the Lord brought to mind all the ways that He has provided. He has provided for us to purchase a small home that we can afford without having to sell our current home. Our family won’t have to be apart as we wait for the house to sell. He has given us a school for my son going into K4 that is not requiring us to pay until he starts in October. On the day I was discouraged, a friend texts me out of the blue to check on me. Through our church Facebook page I met a lady who moved to where we are going last year, and has offered for her and her husband to help us unload the truck. I’ve been blessed by friends that are willing to hang out and play with my kids so that I can pack. Oh friend! He is taking care of me!! And I can absolutely trust Him!

Before any of this began, I could hear Him saying, “Your time of rest is coming to an end, do you trust me?” And I responded with a “yes,” but I was fearful of what exactly that would entail. Now He is telling me, “Don’t be fearful, I will take care of you.”

Now, back to the steps to have your prayers answered.

Step 1: Be thankful for everything. Trusting that all things are for His pursuit of our hearts.

Step 2: Only ask for intangible things. Of course the Lord wants for us to feel peace and for us to know Him better.

Step 3: Follow everything up with “if…it’s Your will.” When praying for specifics, it is done with open hands, knowing that His ways are higher than mine and that I don’t have all the information.

Yes, I still struggle with praying for specific things, but I’m learning. I’m learning that when I pray for things that are out of my control, it is emphasizing how much I am dependent on the Lord. I know many of you are passionate about prayer, and I would love to hear your heart on this. How do you feel about prayer?

xoxo

In Her Corner, episode 9

In Her Corner, Stay SaneSeptember 4, 2016

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

She is a mom to 3 boys, ages 10, 9, and 6, and a girl, age 7. The older two are theirs through adoption, which was finalized earlier this year. She enjoys having several smaller jobs/projects rather than a full-time gig. Currently her days are filled with being a part-time director for a housing ministry that helps to equip individuals and families who fall beneath the poverty line, running a home based business, and serving in ministry with a church plant.

Where her journey has taken her…

Early in their marriage they were pursuing the American dream. They were both working in careers simply to get stuff that they wanted. They were tired of trying to keep up with that lifestyle.

“It just wasn’t life-giving.”

In their hearts, they knew that what they really wanted was to work in ministry together. She had a heart for children in foster care and had brought up the possibility of being a family teacher/house parent at a children’s home. Her husband, who had a career in behavioral health, was hesitant about this however, because he knew how broken the system was and how difficult it would be. He felt that maybe one day they would adopt, but did not want to be a foster parent.

They decided to move closer to family, with the intention of continuing their current lifestyle even though they truly wanted to get away from it. They were progressing in the journey of moving, but neither of them had found a job yet.

“Everyone thought we were crazy!”

During this process her husband was struggling with anxiety about the move and lack of work. One night, while they were discussing the impending move, their daughter came and asked what was wrong. He replied that he didn’t know what to do for work, and asked her what she thought he should do. She said with perfect clarity, “God wants you to take all the boys and girls that don’t have mommies and daddies and put them in a van and bring them to our house.” Her husband was undone. His heart melted, and he submitted to this calling. He called several different children’s homes, got an interview at one located near family, and they were soon hired to be family teachers. They started immediately after their move with no break in pay.

When they first started, they were in the preschool cottage thinking that it would be great since their children, who would stay in the cottages with them, were 3 and 4 at the time. In actuality, their children became very needy. It was like they had 8 children under the age of 5. When they were on duty the children in their care were their priority and they didn’t want their own children to be the cause of upset in the cottage, so they would end up being harder on their own children. They soon realized that it was not healthy for their children as they were needing more of their attention. They then moved to a cottage for elementary boys, which was a much better fit since the children in their care were older and more independent.

“We could take our biological kids and hold them for a little bit if we needed to. Or if they needed discipline, it could be as long as it needed to be.”

She never felt that her children were in immediate danger, but there were always precautions taken for their safety. They were always behind a locked door at night. They were always within their sight. Thankfully, their children were never targeted by children in the home when there was a prolonged outburst of anger.

They were well prepared for what to expect in the home, and how volatile it could be at times. They were not, however, prepared for the level of normal day to day chaos, with minimal down time. It was constantly on the go for a full 7 days. As a family teacher, their schedule was 7 days fully on, 2 days as support, and then 5 days off. Her family was in this role for 2.5 years.

After moving to the elementary cottage, the boys who would eventually become their sons arrived. They were instantly drawn to their love of life and energy. They knew that the boys were on track for adoption, and they knew they would have a difficult time saying goodbye to them.

“At mothers days [he] brought home an art project with a poem that said, ‘You make me baked spaghetti, you push me on the swing, you pray with me, and teach me about God and his Son.’ I read it and said, ‘Oh this is adorable, I love it! Is this for your mom?’ He said, ‘Nope it’s for you!’ God revealed to us that these were our kids.”

They began the process to be approved for adoption so that when the brothers became available for adoption, they would be ready. This process began about 10 months after the boys came to their cottage. The day after they sent off the first application, they received an email informing them that their birth mother had relinquished her parental rights. It was not for another 16 months that their background summaries were completed (the background summary contains all information about the children and their parents and the situation that they came from, and must be completed before adoption can occur). Simultaneously, it was nearly a year before they were approved to be foster parents for the boys. At that time, the boys were able to move in with them. However, they still could not tell them that they were pursuing them in adoption. The boys moved into their home in December of 2015, believing that they were just their foster parents. This resulted in days early on with behavior problems and them feeling angry and unstable. The younger brother didn’t see what the point was to move into their home, believing that he was going to be able to stay.

“I told him, ‘God is in control and He loves you and He knows what is best for you and you have got to trust that He has a plan, and know that we do not want you to have to leave. Trust that.’ After that he stopped being so unsure of everything.”

Adoption was final May 2016.

Where she is now…

Life is definitely busier with four children. The kids, however, do seem to do better though and bicker less because there are more playmates. Chores was an easy transitions because that was part of life at the cottage, and they just kept it part of their routines. Each of them keep their rooms clean and help with laundry.

“The make their own fun, and come up with sports, and do weird games, and play hide and seek. It’s always an adventure with 4 of them.”

What her strengths are…

She is very empathetic. She can see that there is more beyond the behavior of her children, and is able to get to the heart of what is going on. She counsels them and brings them back to the gospel and the truth of who Jesus is.

She is creative and loves doing projects with them and encourages them to make and sell stuff so they are able to give to others in need.

What her weaknesses are…

She can be emotional, and will get stressed or flustered when parenting.

She also knows that she doesn’t rest enough. She lets herself get run down and is then not able to do all of the things she would like with her kids, or be with them as much as she wants to be.

“I have to just play, and not work!”

What she fears…

She fears for her children’s futures. She tends to think worst case scenario. So when they act out or are disrespectful, her mind jumps to thoughts that their future is doomed.

Where she finds joy…

She loves watching them change into these incredible people that God has created them to be.

“Getting to foster their gifts and talents individually and point out how they bear God’s image in different ways. And that they can be proud of it.”

How she stays sane…

She has learned that eating healthy is important for her to feel her best. And she reads different devotionals and scripture daily for encouragement.

“I draw life from other people, so getting together with other women as often as I can to talk and pray is important.”

What she wants others to know…

People will often make comments to her, in regard to adopting, that are well-meaning and kind and thoughtful. They are wanting to compliment them for this thing that they have done. But it leaves her feeling awkward.

“I want people to know that we are not extraordinary, we didn’t have special gifts or abilities to care for these children. It is only by the grace of God. Knowing that we have been adopted into the family of God motivated us to pursue these kids who needed parents and who needed to know their heavenly Father. God brought these kids to us and it is a privilege to be able to parent them.”

Do You Trust Me?

Stay SaneAugust 28, 2016

This past winter my boys were thrilled that we had a significant snowfall here in South Carolina. Especially my oldest. He loves the snow and misses living in Chicago where snow was a guarantee each winter. And to make things even better, my parents were in town for it. In addition to snow, my oldest loves breakfast. It has now become an expected thing that he gets to have “second breakfast” with his grandparents when they get up and going.

The morning of the snow he was completely torn. He wanted to play in the snow, and he wanted to have second breakfast, but in his mind it didn’t look like he could do both. I encouraged him to go outside and play, knowing that he would still be able to sit and eat with them when he came back in. He, however, was in a panic trying to figure out how he could have both things. What I said to him was, “Do you trust me?” He responded with some protest and “buts” so I said again, “Do you trust me? Do you trust that I have good things for you?” And in that moment, I heard the Lord speaking to me, “Do you trust ME?”

I am no different than my son. I want to have it all, and will stress myself out trying to manipulate the situation so that I get my way. I think that I want to control things, but in reality I am unable to do so. And honestly, I cannot handle the pressure of being in control. I have to trust the Lord. If I truly believe that He has good things for me, then I can trust Him to take care of me.

My Past and Current Season

A few months ago I was sharing my heart with a new friend, and she was asking at what point God became real to me. It was a great question that really got me thinking. All relationships go through different stages, and a relationship with Christ is no different. The years we lived in Chicago were tough. To be honest, I was angry with Him. But I truly believe that that was alright. I may have been yelling, but at least we were talking. Maybe you have heard the quote, “The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.” That kind of sums up my relationship with Christ for that season.

Then when we moved to Greenville, I felt like all my prayers were answered. My anxiety melted away, I liked people again, and my soul was able to rest. My relationship with Christ became loving once again. When I came to that thought, I gasped. I realized that I am a spoiled brat. It was not until I got my way, that I was happy with the Lord. And in that moment I could hear Him whisper, “Your time of rest is coming to an end. Do you trust me?”

Since it was finalized that we will be moving, I have been struggling with trying to understand. There have been so many wonderful connections and open doors recently, and it has left me confused. My life has been seeming to unfold the way I had envisioned it. I have felt like I am doing what I am suppose to be doing and am where I am suppose to be. Through tears, I have submitted that I am simply just not required to understand. I am required to be obedient. And obedience requires trust.

The weeks leading up to getting our house on the market to sell were extremely stressful because I had a long to-do list and little time. It was on me to get the stuff done. Sometimes stress is reality in certain seasons of life. Once the house went on the market, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I had done all that I could do, and now it is out of my control. All I can do now is pray for a buyer. Now I have to trust.

I’m no longer feeling overwhelmed, but I am having to fight feeling discouraged. See, we haven’t had a single showing. Not one. And I can hear Him saying, “Do you trust me?” And several times a day I have to say out loud, “I trust you, Lord.”

Final Thought

Trust is not an emotion. It’s a choice that does not require me to understand. And it is one that I am very aware of at this moment. My family is entering a new season, and we must trust. Things may not go as planned, but I will trust. I will trust that it is not about me, or my comfort. I will trust that He wants good things for me, but that may mean being uncomfortable. I will trust Him.

What are you trusting for?

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 ESV

xoxo

The Things We Do Amidst Chaos

Stay SaneAugust 21, 2016August 21, 2016

When I graduated high school I got my ear cartilage pierced. And then I got a tattoo.

When I left for college I had long hair down my back. The first week there I cut it all off into a bob, that just went shorter from there into a pixie cut.

After getting married I colored my hair blond. Which was awful, by the way, because I did it myself. It looked like straw and I had to color it back to light brown.

After my first son was born, I actually grew my hair long. Three and a half years later, after having my second son, I had it all cut off again.

Before my daughter was born I had my husband actually use clippers and buzz my hair on the sides.

Now, as I am about to move to yet another state, I have gone and gotten two more tattoos.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

My sister-in-law has colored her hair purple after moving and starting a new career.

My friend went and had her nose pierced after her daughter was born. And then got tattoos before moving.

Why is this?

There is something in us that goes a little berserk when we are experiencing a major life change. Maybe it is a way to feel hip or attractive, or maybe it’s a way to commemorate a major life event, or maybe it is a way to claim some sort of control over the chaos we are living in. Whatever the reason, we need to make sure we check our hearts for the motivation, and ideally don’t do anything too drastic that we will regret in the future. (Yes I know tattoos are drastic. Yes, I checked my heart for my motivation.)

Life is often out of control, and we all have our ways to find peace in those moments. For me, this is usually exercise and cleaning. But when life throws us major turbulence, we seem to need something a bit more significant.

What about you?

What crazy things have you done when life has thrown major changes at you?

Life is frantic and out of my control, but God... brings peace and I trust the plans He has for me. — Life is frantic and out of my control, but God… is in control. He brings peace, and I trust the plans He has for me.

My life is a journey. It has not been a straight path, but it is leading me to eternity.

xoxo

So Much For Simplicity

Stay SaneAugust 14, 2016

I was so excited for this summer. People would be talking about the vacations they were going to be taking, and I would just smile serenely. When asked what our family had planned, I would respond with a gleeful, “Nothing. We are doing absolutely nothing.” No trips, no camps, no commitments.

Everything was going so well. We played board game after board game. We watched movies. We played outside. We had multiple practical jokes with Mr. Handy Hand (I love a good practical joke). We built cardboard forts. All so gloriously simple.

And then…the simplicity was all gone. My husband called me from work, and I knew that it was the call I was hoping wouldn’t come. He got a promotion that requires us to move.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m super pumped about the promotion. He continues to impress me, and I love feeling proud of him. We knew that this was a possibility since the end of May, but we had decided that it would be just fine if he didn’t get it, since getting it would require moving to yet another state. We love it where we are. It became home for us right away, and our roots grew deep quickly here. So when I answered the phone that day and he told me the news, I responded with, “Well crap.” And proceeded to cry for the rest of the afternoon.

Now I am completely frantic. Trying to get a house ready to sell is stressful. Trying to do that with three children, while growing a business, and homeschooling, and planning a birthday party, is torture. And this is in addition to trying to find a place to live in a new city that we know nothing about. I have had several meltdowns and a couple full-blown temper tantrums over the past 3 weeks. Never a pretty sight, but especially not on a grown woman. Thankfully these were in the privacy of my own home, and I can somewhat laugh about it now. Someone asked me if I felt better after throwing a fit. Honestly, I did.

I had been feeling guilty and shameful about my behavior. I wanted to be this calm, have-it-all-together woman that never got frazzled even though I am going through an incredibly stressful and sad time in my life. In other words, I wanted to be someone other than me. God created me to be passionate (hyper/spastic/emotional). It’s ok to feel these strong emotions. It’s ok to be who I was created to be.

But…

I also need to be wise. There are things I can do to get through this process without damaging myself, my family, or others around me.

I need to…

Know when to say no. I do not have to accept every invitation. I may want to, but that may cause more stress than relieve it. I can combine some things, or some things can simply wait.

Eliminate any unnecessary stresses. This is not the time to add new things to my plate. And there are certain things I can put off until after the move.

Limit who I talk to. I do not need to vent my concerns to everyone. The people I share with are ones that will not condemn me for feeling stressed. They are the ones I can be real with, the ones that will let me overreact, will pray for me, and then maybe get me a glass of wine.

I love the idea of living with simplicity, but sometimes that is just not realistic. Sometimes we are required to get uncomfortable and a tad bit frazzled. Thankfully, and hopefully, this is a season of life that is short-term. One day I will look back and hardly remember the franticness that is currently consuming me. One day…

But for now, I must go clean for the tenth time this week, pack a few hundred boxes, and make a dozen phone calls.

xoxo

In Her Corner, episode 8

In Her Corner, Stay SaneAugust 7, 2016

Who she is…

A wife, a mom to a 15 year old son (who lives with his father), a 6 year old girl and 3 year old twin boys, and a lover of Jesus. And she lives her life with lupus. She says it is “her lupus” because she owns it, it doesn’t own her. Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can attack any organ in the body. It will have seasons of flare-ups and then a period of remission. She was diagnosed in 2009 while pregnant with her daughter.

She had been exhibiting symptoms like feeling achy, or a fever for a year but was ignoring it, thinking that she was simply stressed or not eating well. After finding out that she was pregnant, she had blisters show up on her skin that resembled shingles. Her doctor agreed, and prescribed her medication. Her rate of deterioration quickened at this point. Fevers were occurring more frequently, and she was always exhausted, but she explained this away as simple pregnancy symptoms. Then the cough began, and she started to think it was the flu, but she wasn’t able to shake it. The nurse at her OB office told her to go to the ER. At the ER, they did blood work, and the results were off the charts. No one had any idea what was going on. It was so abnormal that they sent her to see an oncologist.

Within weeks she had marks that looked like bruises all over her skin. Her hair began falling out. She was not able to walk due to the pain in her hips. Her husband would have to pick her up and carry her up the stairs or to the car. He would come home at lunch to help her get to the restroom. She wasn’t able to eat. Everything tasted like glass, and it was too painful to even lift an ensure bottle. All she could do was lay there and look at the ceiling. She was giving up on life.

“While I was immobile, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, I would talk with God, asking Him why this was happening? My eyes then focused on the textured ceiling and I could she the outline of a Jesus fish. I could hear him say, ‘I’m not through with you yet.’ From that point on, I didn’t have any more thoughts of giving up.”

They finally were able to determine that she had lupus. And had started her on prednisone, which she still currently takes. It helped, and she was finally able to eat, but it made her become jittery. She became paranoid, and unable to sleep.

The pregnancy had exacerbated the lupus, bringing out the symptoms and causing them to be more severe. She then switched to a high-risk OB, who told her they would try to get her and the baby to 26 weeks.

Her OB gave her Ambien to help her sleep. At first, she didn’t want to take it, afraid that she wouldn’t wake up. One day while asleep, her husband noticed that her complexion did not look normal, she looked very ashen. That same day, her rheumatologist called and said that she needed to get to the hospital right away for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobins were at a dangerously low level that could cause her body to fail. A low hemoglobin count means that there is not enough oxygen for the body. A normal count is between 11 and 14. Her count was 5.3. They administered a transfusion which brought her up to 7. Two days later she went for another that brought her up to 7.7. A third brought her to 9.3, and by the time her daughter was born, she was at 10.

She made it to 37 weeks; her newborn daughter completely healthy!

The drop in hemoglobin could have been due to the lupus attacking the red blood cells, but she believes that it was mostly due to the malnutrition from not being able to eat, and the baby taking what little iron she did have in her body. Lupus can effect any organ of the body; brain, heart, lung, blood, skin. She fears another flare-up will attack her blood. A flare up can effect a person differently each time, and each individual with lupus can be effected differently.

When her daughter was 8 months old, the lupus flared up again, this time attacking her kidneys and once again losing her hair. She was classified with stage 3 kidney disease, and yet another doctor was added to her repertoire. She was on the brink of dialysis, so they tried a medication to help her kidneys but instead she suffered from a rare side-effect that caused a condition with her liver. She decided to try a natural remedy that worked to improve the function of her kidneys without medication. Her kidneys have no remaining damage.

Because the pregnancy with her daughter exacerbated the lupus, they were advised to not have any more children. But they wanted a big family, so after her kidneys improved, they prayed about it and decided to let things happen. They knew that the Lord would take care of it, whatever the outcome, and soon enough she had a positive pregnancy test. Both her and her husband were hoping that she would become pregnant with twins. At her first ultrasound, it was confirmed!

“Praise God! We cried, we held hands, it was wonderful!”

Her body ended up doing better while she was pregnant the second time. Her twins were born nine weeks early, which was honestly really good. Otherwise they would have been too big.

“During that time my hair grew! It was beautiful and long and curly! Woohoo! I was actually able to do things with it. That’s the hair I remember!”

But a year later she started losing her hair yet again. And again she had a rash on her skin. She saw her rheumatologist right away, and they upped her medication so when the flare up did happen it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Thankfully this flare-up did not effect her kidneys, but she did lose all of her hair.

She has to avoid the sun since UvA and UvB rays have been known to induce flares. She keeps sunblock everywhere and covers her skin as much as possible. She keeps hats with her and wears long sleeves and long pants, regardless of the temperature.

Food can also be a trigger. She has been experimenting with her diet, and is trying to avoid dairy, gluten, sugar, certain vegetables, soy, and nuts. She has been learning, and her doctors have supported her, that our immune system is rooted in our gut. If our gut is not healthy, then our immune system cannot function properly. She has seen good results from this, especially in her skin.

“I’m not perfect at it, I definitely like ice cream! But I will feel it in my hips.”

After her twins were born she was diagnosed with avascular necrosis, death of bone tissue, in both hips. In the future she will be having double hip replacement. For now she is stable, aside from not being able to bend well, but she is still able to walk, so they wait and monitor.

“I’ve had to adjust. I used to run, but I can’t do that anymore. The salt water pool is the only way I can get some good exercise!”

What her days are like…

She is constantly being monitored by a variety of doctors, so she has to juggle her appointments, as well as therapy for her twins for developmental issues due to them being born early. In addition to these, she is homeschooling and participates in a co-op. She knows she has to respect her limits and not overdo physical exertion.

“When I’m good, I’m full speed ahead, trying to keep up as best as I can just like every other mom. But when my body is tired, I have to listen to it.”

Her husband handles giving the kids baths, putting them to bed, attends to them during the night. He takes off work on days that she is not able to function, or if she has appointments. They are both incredibly thankful for his employer who is so understanding.

“Without my husband, all of this… He’s my angel. God took two broken people and is writing a beautiful love story.”

What her strengths are…

She knows she has to lean on God.

“I wouldn’t change any of this because it has made me His, for real.”

She is passionate about her relationship with God, and His faithfulness. She has learned to pray about everything and through every trial. She prayed through every sleepless night, every feeding, every struggle. She gets through everything one moment at a time.

What she struggles with…

She struggles with the loss of her hair. Even though a year ago was the third time losing it, it is still difficult. She had always identified herself by how she looked, and being active. She has had to reassess where her identity is, and it is in Jesus. She is still working through it.

She struggles with wanting to do it all, but knowing that she can’t.

“Actually, I struggle with wanting to do all that I want to do! I know I can do what He wants me to do. I pray daily, ‘God, let me accomplish what You want me to accomplish today. Nothing more, nothing less.’ I have to figure out what my motivation is for wanting to do more. Is it for my purpose or His purpose? And then I surrender that and ask for Him to guide me. God has me where He wants me to be. I trust that it is for Him and it is good. And that is enough for right now.”

What her fears are…

She fears having a flare up that would take her away as a mom and a wife. She has to trust that God will take care of them.

“I would lose my hair everyday, as long as I know I’ll be around.”

What her joys are…

Her deep faith, knowing that this experience has brought her to a deeper and more intimate relationship with the Lord.

Her marriage, and the closeness between her and her husband. Her husband has lived up to his vows of for better or for worse.

Her appreciation for life in general. She hears her children’s laughter and feels their joy. It reminds her to enjoy life, and the simple things.

How she stays sane…

“I read my devotional in the bathroom!”

episode8 — Yes, it is full of toilet paper!

What she wants you to know…

“Even though I’m broken on this earth, I am healed. This is temporary. Yes, there are trials but they draw me closer to the Lord. Don’t let someone tell you that miracles can’t happen, or that your hope is worthless. God is faithful. If you let him in and surrender your life, He will take it and use it. He is writing a really good story.”

And…

“Don’t feel guilty for taking naps!!”

I hope you were encouraged by this momma’s story to persevere and trust the Lord with whatever situation you currently find yourself in. Remember that His desire is to bring you closer in relationship to Him, to trust Him, and to be fulfilled by Him alone. You dear lady are being pursued, and you are enough. No more running, no more striving.

xoxo