Category: Stay Sane

I have a confession. Sometimes I feel jealous. Of my husband. His life just seems so glorious to me.

What I see is that he gets up, goes to the gym, goes to work, and gets to go on business trips.  In my mind this translates as he gets up and gets ready without children hanging on him, gets to do what he wants to do without dragging children with him, goes to a place with other adults where he is respected and valued, and when he travels (which has been happening more and more often) he gets to go out to eat at restaurants and sleep alone without being woken up.

In his mind, he has to get up super early, not getting enough sleep, so that he can stay healthy, has to go and talk with adults who act like children, and when he travels he has to be away from his family, eating unhealthy food and not able to sleep in a strange bed.

It’s easy for me to play the martyr. I can easily feel sorry for myself, thinking that I alone bear the burden. What I am craving is appreciation. I want to feel valued. I want to feel loved. And it is easy for this to lead to a division in my marriage because I am only focusing on myself.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast;

(First Corinthians 13:4, ESV)

Instead of throwing another fit, I decided to talk about this need with him. This was when I realized that we were both having our individual pity parties. We decided and chose to stop complaining. We needed to stop trying to make ourselves look “better” by playing it like we had it “worse.” Instead we began to focus on how much the other one was juggling.

Love Defeats Fear

Feeling envious occurs when we are fearful and insecure, which in turn leads to building up our defensiveness. We are trying to protect ourselves, but in doing so we end up being isolated. People need people. Strange things happen when we are isolated. When we are isolated we begin to listen to lies being whispered in our heads. At a recent Gathering, a lady mentioned that we know they are lies if they begin with “I.” I think there is truth in this. I also think we can pinpoint the lie when they are in absolutes like never, always, only, etc.

“I am the only who ever does anything.”

“I am the only one who feels this way.”

“I never get to have time away.”

“I am always the one stuck doing this.”

And as we listen the lies, the wedge of fear begins to grow, leading to anger, self-pity, and envy. And that fear can destroy the love. But love defeats fear.

Hallelujah! Love. Defeats. Fear.

Here’s a dose of truth for you: You are loved. You may not feel like it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. And the best way to feel loved, is to show love.

Be patient with others, showing kindness. Stop talking about yourself, and listen to them. Do what other people want to do, and enjoy it. Don’t be happy when others mess up. Put up with the annoying things they do, appreciating the good. And never, ever stop doing these things. (Adapted from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Now when my husband is out of town, I show compassion for what he is having to deal with rather than complaining that I am home with the kids. And you know, my attitude about being home with the kids has changed. Now, I try to make it something fun, doing things that we normally wouldn’t do. (But I absolutely still look forward to him coming home!)

Today I completed my 17th marathon. My husband says it’s no longer impressive. He was joking, of course. Well, he better be. It’s definitely not as big of a deal as it use to be, and I understand that.

I ran my first marathon the spring after my mother passed away. It had been a goal of mine for a couple of years, but kept eluding me due to injuries. Training for it was therapy for me in an otherwise dark time in my life. As I crossed the finish line, I knew I would be soon be training for another, and next time I would be training to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Not just anyone can run Boston. You can either run for a charity and raise money, or you have to have a qualifying time. This is why so many runners strive for Boston, it’s all about bragging rights and a sense of accomplishment.

I did qualify for Boston, but barely. And I did run it, but it still wasn’t enough. Now I wanted to run a marathon in every state, and beat my qualifying time. Which I did, but it still didn’t satisfy me. I wanted to run yet a faster marathon. It took me another 9 years to beat that best time. And that qualifying time for Boston? Yeah, they made it more difficult. My “good enough” time is no longer good enough.

All is vanity…

This is life. Our desire for more or better is unrelenting. There will always be someone faster, someone with more experience, someone who is prettier, skinnier, more polished. Or someone who is kinder, more generous, more patient. We feel the need to strive to be better, or different.

In our age of social media, this temptation to compare ourselves with others is in our face constantly. I see the things other women are doing, and the accomplishments they have had, and I feel like I need to step up my game. I crave the approval of others, the reassurance that I am good enough.

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon tells us repeatedly, “All is vanity, and a striving after the wind.”

I have to be honest with you. On our own, we are not enough. We will never be good enough or do enough good deeds to obtain God’s favor. 

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved — and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:4-10 ESV, emphasis mine

There is nothing that we can do to become more in His eyes. We are His work, and if we have indeed been redeemed, then the work has been done. We don’t need to work on making ourselves better, we are only to glorify Him for the work that he has already done. For us to wish to be different is an insult to Him and His work. It’s us saying that He made a mistake.

This doesn’t mean we can become complacent. Not all striving is bad. We need to strive to become more like Jesus. He is the One who is changing our hearts. Striving for Him is what will make us a better wife, mother, friend. Better, not different.

God created me to be passionate, to be someone who wakes up early in the day with a drive to accomplish things just out of my reach. He created me to love running. He created me to cry at sappy commercials. He even created my loud laugh.

But, He did not create me to be controlled by my passions, or to become consumed by projects to the point of neglecting other important things. He gave me running as a way to worship, but not to worship running. I am not to let my emotions hinder my ability to care for others, or to allow them to hurt others. And my laugh, well, that’s just how it is!

When hearing those voices in your head telling you that you are wrong for being who you are, thank the Lord for making you who are, and for wisdom to know how to best use them to serve Him.

Thank you for making me analytical.

Thank you for making me emotional.

Thank you for making me passionate.

Thank you for making me.

Striving, but God… says I’m enough.

This blog began nearly 2 and a half years ago with me really not having any idea of what I was doing. Who knew that the blogging world could be so complex? It was simply a way to express my heart and I felt that there was some advice I could give to help others in how to juggle things in their lives.

A little over a year ago I began to take the blog more seriously. I began to watch webinars and read a lot of other blogs to learn how to promote and grow the blog’s following. It was helpful, but honestly quite overwhelming.

Last spring I began sharing a new message, along with a line of products, to encourage people to replace the lies in their heads with the truth of what God says about them. I have been amazed at how the Lord has used such a simple message to encourage and challenge those who heard it.

This message has changed my focus and the mission of Oh Lord Help Us. It has become a ministry, no longer a business. My heart and intention is to have all proceeds from the items go right back into this ministry and be able to contribute financially to other ministries such as care for foster children and refugees.

The focus before was to encourage moms and give practical advice for how to balance life. This was a valuable pursuit, but I feel this message needs to reach more than just moms. I don’t want for a lady to feel this is not a place for her to be loved and cared for because she does not have children.

When my first son was born I began to pray over him, “Lord, I pray that he will grow to be strong and confident knowing who you have created him to be.” I don’t want my child to feel pressure to be something he is not. I want for him to be comfortable with who he is as a child of God. I believe the Lord feels the same for all of us.

This new focus will be on allowing the Lord to transform us into the person He has created us to be. We have been created to be confident, beautiful, healthy women with a desire to love the Lord, and to love those around us. Oh Lord Help Us is to be a place where people are encouraged to shake off the lies and live a life of freedom.

The vision I have for this ministry cannot be accomplished on my own. I am not able to handle it emotionally or physically. It is meant to be accomplished by a passionate and imperfect group of ladies who are seeking truth.

Help!

This is my call for help! If you have been blessed, encouraged, or challenged by any of the messages posted on this blog, please consider teaming up with me.

Not sure how to help?

Gather

During a gathering, I share a message about replacing the lies in our heads with the truth of what God says about us. Following this there is a time of discussion. Products to serve as a reminder of these truths are offered at the end. Ladies hosting receive a 30% discount on items.

Hosting can be done either as an online Facebook event, or if I am local it can be done with a group of ladies in your home. Local would consist of Raleigh, NC, but I have connections in the Greenville, SC, Louisville, KY, and the D.C. area. If you are in those areas, we can talk!

Engage

Are you willing to go a little deeper? A discussion guide is being developed so that a bible study with other women can be done over a 6 week period. There is freedom we experience when we share our lives with others and make ourselves vulnerable. Ladies interested in this option will receive 25% commission on any items sold.

Writing 

Do you currently write on your own blog? Do you love to write, but feel overwhelmed by having your own site? Are you thinking about writing, but not sure if you can do it consistently? Let’s team up! Whether it is a one time thing, or something on a consistent basis, I need your help with posts on either healthy living or spiritual growth.

Social media

Pictures, links, encouraging thoughts, etc. These are all things that need to be shared across several different social media platforms. This could be an occasional or steady help. It may even be to simply share posts with others! If social media is your thing, then we need to talk!

Thank you for considering these options. You can email me at rachael@ohlordhelp.us or contact me through various social media messages.

Oh Lord, help us be who we are created to be.

Pulling into Target, my 5 year old says to me, “Mom, are we all going in?” I answered him, saying that we all needed to go in since I was the only grown up. “You could leave us in the car, I don’t mind.” Hmm, so tempting. But I explained to him that I couldn’t do that because it’s not safe, and it’s against the law. And here began a lengthy explanation of what a law was…

“Laws are rules that tell us how to live with others so that everyone can live safely. Rules are a good thing. I wouldn’t leave you in the car regardless, because it isn’t safe. But sometimes we need help knowing what is the best way to keep ourselves safe.”

(I didn’t go into my thoughts about how ridiculous some laws are. I’m talking to my five year old. I want him to like rules!)

He pondered this while we were eating lunch in the car, waiting to go into the store. Finally, he asked, “So is chewing with my mouth open against the law?” No, I explained, that’s just rude.

This is complicated stuff to explain on a five year old level. Heck, there are plenty of adults who don’t understand the point of having laws.

Over the past few months, I have been slowly working my way through the book of Exodus. I felt it was fitting to read about the Israelites journey to the promised land after we had just gone through a journey to our new city.

I have just gotten to the part where God gives Moses the Ten Commandments. We all like these laws. Most of modern society is based on these laws. Christianity and Judaism obviously follow them, and Islam has a version that is very similar.

• I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other gods before me 
• You shall not make for yourself an idol
• Do not take the name of the Lord in vain
• Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy
• Honor your father and mother
• You shall not kill/murder
• You shall not commit adultery
• You shall not steal
• You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
• You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor

After these ten, the laws that God gave Moses get all crazy specific about oxen and sheep. Then they become quite uncomfortable when they are in reference to slavery and women. And finally God wraps up His meeting with Moses by giving instruction for how things are to be done in the temple.

I realized, just like in our society our laws are to protect us from ourselves essentially. God was protecting the Israelites as well.

»He gave laws to protect the slaves. Unlike slavery that took place in our country, they had to be set free after 6 years. And the masters were to be punished if they treated them poorly.

»If someones property was stolen, or damaged, its was to be made right in restitution.

»Women, who had no rights, were still to be provided and cared for.

»The poor were not to be taken advantage of.

If you lend money to any of my people with you who is poor, you shall not be like a moneylender to him, and you shall not exact interest from him. Exodus 22:25, ESV

The struggle…

Can I be honest with you and share something I struggle with? I keep wondering, why didn’t God just outlaw slavery in the first place? Why didn’t He just tell men to treat women as equals? Why didn’t he command that the poor were to be provided for?

My mind finally settles on that we are just not in heaven yet. We long for it, but it is not attainable. People are greedy, for both money and power. It is our sinful nature to look out for ourselves. The Lord knows this, and He hates it, but He also understands that we are mere humans. The laws given by the Lord were His way of showing them the best way to live within their culture. But even within their culture, there was absolutely no way for them to obey all of them all of the time. They were set up to see their need for salvation.

The whole time I was reading through these laws, I felt such gratitude that Jesus came, lived a perfect life, and took my punishment for being a lawbreaker. I feel hopeful for a future with no slavery, no discrimination, and no poverty. Come, Lord Jesus, come!

Note: Moses meeting with God up on Mt. Sinai can be found in Exodus chapter 20-31.

If you would like to follow along with me on my Exodus journey, please join me on Instagram, using #ohlordhelpusjourney

When we moved this past fall, we left a lot of our furniture and wall decor in our house to stage it for potential buyers. This included our master bedroom furniture, which was no problem for me since I wanted new stuff anyway. The problem is, we still have not sold our home, so there are no extra funds to purchase furniture or decorate. Which then presents the problem of feeling like I’m living in a temporary situation and having a difficult time feeling settled in our new city. Not to worry, my husband and I love a good DIY project and challenge. Being able to make the most of what we have is a trait we desire to pass on to our children.

When we moved in, we hit it off with our neighbors right away. It was such a blessing, and then they told us they were moving. Major bummer. In their process of moving, they told us that there was a bunch of wood in the backyard that they needed to get rid of if we wanted to use it for fire wood in our backyard pit. Turns out, it was a bunch of 4 foot fence slats. Forget the firewood! These are perfect for DIY projects. We made a coat hook for our foyer, and wall decor to hang pictures on, but my favorite was the headboard. I’m in love with this thing!

First, we selected boards that were straight. Then cut of any ends that were damaged and made sure they were square.

Next, we cut a piece of plywood a few inches smaller than the dimensions we wanted for the headboard and stained it so the lighter wood would not show through any of the seams.

Then, we sanded each board to make them smooth and to get the dirt off. We were originally planning on staining the slats, but after sanding them they were naturally a beautiful color with interesting grains throughout.

We laid out the boards to get an idea of what pattern we wanted and to mark lines of where to cut.

Measured and made sure the slats were level, as well as overhanging the plywood an inch or so.

Yay for nail guns! (Please use caution!)

All the slats nailed on.

What we did not take into account before hand was screwing the legs on. My husband ended up removing some of the slats, screwing the 2 x 4’s on, and then nailing the slats back on. He didn’t want to risk screwing them on from the back and the screw messing up the slats. Also, the headboard could have been attached directly to the wall, but we did not want to do that. The 2 x 4’s were bolted to the bed frame.

All done! Isn’t it great?!?
We were able to use what was given to us, and make the most of what we had.
I’m thankful to do life with a man who understands being flexible and using creativity to make life better.

I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth a time or two. Once, I even did the unthinkable and asked a lady when she was due. I know better than to ever, ever, ever ask that. But I was pregnant, and I was at a party where I didn’t know very many people, and I was trying to strike up conversation. She was 8 weeks postpartum. I felt like dirt. No, I felt like dog poop smeared in dirt. If I had only kept my mouth shut and observed, I would have seen her baby and said something encouraging. But no, I jumped the gun, hurt her feelings, and destroyed any possibility of ever becoming friends with her.

Isn’t this true in so many areas? If we would just keep our mouths shut, and listen and watch what is happening around us, we could keep ourselves from looking like an insensitive idiot, and more importantly, keep from tearing others down.

Earlier this week, my oldest son was getting angry with his little brother and came to me wanting me to back him up. In other words, he was being a tattle-tale. I cringe when this happens. He says, “Mom, he’s playing with my [some toy] and I’ve asked him to stop and he’s not.” I guess since he asked first, he thought he should come tell me, but we have an open-toy policy in this house. The only exception is if the toy was bought with their own money, but even then we encourage being generous. Not sharing is just not practical.

I asked him why he didn’t want his brother to play with it. He responded, “Because it’s something special to me.” Honestly, it was just too early in the morning, and I couldn’t think of how to handle it, so I didn’t say anything. Not a single word. I just looked at him, and went back to feeding my little girl oatmeal.

Not even two minutes later, he came back. “Oh, never mind mom! He wasn’t playing with [this special toy], he was actually playing with [some other not-as-special toy].” Ummm, wow. I called him back into the kitchen and asked what he had just learned. And he actually answered with, “Make sure I have all the information before getting upset.” I could almost hear the “Hallelujahs” all the way from heaven!

In college I was profoundly challenged to not be so quick to respond and cast judgement on others. A speaker shared a moving message about the passage in the bible when the religious leaders were wanting to stone the woman caught in adultery.

The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say? This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” John 7:53-8:11, ESV

At the end of the message, we were instructed to pick up a piece of paper that was under our chairs and wad it up, pretending it was a stone. The speaker then put a picture of Monica Lewinsky up on the screen. I was so convicted. I, like millions of others, had criticized and condemned this young lady. Instead of “throwing stones,” I need to keep my mouth shut. (If you are too young to remember Monica, she had an affair with Bill Clinton while he was president.)

Now please note, in this passage of scripture, Jesus did not excuse the woman’s sin, in fact, he told her to stop sinning. But he did it after he pardoned her. It was also in a private moment. He didn’t call out her wrongs in front of a crowd to humiliate her. He didn’t make her feel guilty, so that she would show remorse. Because he was the Son of God, he was able to know the whole story. And he forgave her.

We rarely know the whole story. And we will definitely never learn if we don’t stop and listen. Let’s be kind, and patient, and generous with others. Yes, there are times when we need to confront a friend or family member. But in that moment, proceed with gentleness, not in haste throwing stones. And there will also be times when we need to remain silent and observe. Before sharing an article, double check it. Before commenting your disapproval, read a different view. Before anything, pray.

I’m comfortable enough with myself enough to admit that I just don’t know everything. I will strive to listen and learn. Will you please do the same?