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In Her Corner

Category: In Her Corner

In Her Corner, episode 9

In Her Corner, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

She is a mom to 3 boys, ages 10, 9, and 6, and a girl, age 7. The older two are theirs through adoption, which was finalized earlier this year. She enjoys having several smaller jobs/projects rather than a full-time gig. Currently her days are filled with being a part-time director for a housing ministry that helps to equip individuals and families who fall beneath the poverty line, running a home based business, and serving in ministry with a church plant.

Where her journey has taken her…

Early in their marriage they were pursuing the American dream. They were both working in careers simply to get stuff that they wanted. They were tired of trying to keep up with that lifestyle.

“It just wasn’t life-giving.”

In their hearts, they knew that what they really wanted was to work in ministry together. She had a heart for children in foster care and had brought up the possibility of being a family teacher/house parent at a children’s home. Her husband, who had a career in behavioral health, was hesitant about this however, because he knew how broken the system was and how difficult it would be. He felt that maybe one day they would adopt, but did not want to be a foster parent.

They decided to move closer to family, with the intention of continuing their current lifestyle even though they truly wanted to get away from it. They were progressing in the journey of moving, but neither of them had found a job yet.

“Everyone thought we were crazy!”

During this process her husband was struggling with anxiety about the move and lack of work. One night, while they were discussing the impending move, their daughter came and asked what was wrong. He replied that he didn’t know what to do for work, and asked her what she thought he should do. She said with perfect clarity, “God wants you to take all the boys and girls that don’t have mommies and daddies and put them in a van and bring them to our house.” Her husband was undone. His heart melted, and he submitted to this calling. He called several different children’s homes, got an interview at one located near family, and they were soon hired to be family teachers. They started immediately after their move with no break in pay.

When they first started, they were in the preschool cottage thinking that it would be great since their children, who would stay in the cottages with them, were 3 and 4 at the time. In actuality, their children became very needy. It was like they had 8 children under the age of 5. When they were on duty the children in their care were their priority and they didn’t want their own children to be the cause of upset in the cottage, so they would end up being harder on their own children. They soon realized that it was not healthy for their children as they were needing more of their attention. They then moved to a cottage for elementary boys, which was a much better fit since the children in their care were older and more independent.

“We could take our biological kids and hold them for a little bit if we needed to. Or if they needed discipline, it could be as long as it needed to be.”

She never felt that her children were in immediate danger, but there were always precautions taken for their safety. They were always behind a locked door at night. They were always within their sight. Thankfully, their children were never targeted by children in the home when there was a prolonged outburst of anger.

They were well prepared for what to expect in the home, and how volatile it could be at times. They were not, however, prepared for the level of normal day to day chaos, with minimal down time. It was constantly on the go for a full 7 days. As a family teacher, their schedule was 7 days fully on, 2 days as support, and then 5 days off. Her family was in this role for 2.5 years.

After moving to the elementary cottage, the boys who would eventually become their sons arrived. They were instantly drawn to their love of life and energy. They knew that the boys were on track for adoption, and they knew they would have a difficult time saying goodbye to them.

“At mothers days [he] brought home an art project with a poem that said, ‘You make me baked spaghetti, you push me on the swing, you pray with me, and teach me about God and his Son.’ I read it and said, ‘Oh this is adorable, I love it! Is this for your mom?’ He said, ‘Nope it’s for you!’ God revealed to us that these were our kids.”

They began the process to be approved for adoption so that when the brothers became available for adoption, they would be ready. This process began about 10 months after the boys came to their cottage. The day after they sent off the first application, they received an email informing them that their birth mother had relinquished her parental rights. It was not for another 16 months that their background summaries were completed (the background summary contains all information about the children and their parents and the situation that they came from, and must be completed before adoption can occur). Simultaneously, it was nearly a year before they were approved to be foster parents for the boys. At that time, the boys were able to move in with them. However, they still could not tell them that they were pursuing them in adoption. The boys moved into their home in December of 2015, believing that they were just their foster parents. This resulted in days early on with behavior problems and them feeling angry and unstable. The younger brother didn’t see what the point was to move into their home, believing that he was going to be able to stay.

“I told him, ‘God is in control and He loves you and He knows what is best for you and you have got to trust that He has a plan, and know that we do not want you to have to leave. Trust that.’ After that he stopped being so unsure of everything.”

Adoption was final May 2016.

Where she is now…

Life is definitely busier with four children. The kids, however, do seem to do better though and bicker less because there are more playmates. Chores was an easy transitions because that was part of life at the cottage, and they just kept it part of their routines. Each of them keep their rooms clean and help with laundry.

“The make their own fun, and come up with sports, and do weird games, and play hide and seek. It’s always an adventure with 4 of them.”

What her strengths are…

She is very empathetic. She can see that there is more beyond the behavior of her children, and is able to get to the heart of what is going on. She counsels them and brings them back to the gospel and the truth of who Jesus is.

She is creative and loves doing projects with them and encourages them to make and sell stuff so they are able to give to others in need.

What her weaknesses are…

She can be emotional, and will get stressed or flustered when parenting.

She also knows that she doesn’t rest enough. She lets herself get run down and is then not able to do all of the things she would like with her kids, or be with them as much as she wants to be.

“I have to just play, and not work!”

What she fears…

She fears for her children’s futures. She tends to think worst case scenario. So when they act out or are disrespectful, her mind jumps to thoughts that their future is doomed.

Where she finds joy…

She loves watching them change into these incredible people that God has created them to be.

“Getting to foster their gifts and talents individually and point out how they bear God’s image in different ways. And that they can be proud of it.”

How she stays sane…

She has learned that eating healthy is important for her to feel her best. And she reads different devotionals and scripture daily for encouragement.

“I draw life from other people, so getting together with other women as often as I can to talk and pray is important.”

What she wants others to know…

People will often make comments to her, in regard to adopting, that are well-meaning and kind and thoughtful. They are wanting to compliment them for this thing that they have done. But it leaves her feeling awkward.

“I want people to know that we are not extraordinary, we didn’t have special gifts or abilities to care for these children. It is only by the grace of God. Knowing that we have been adopted into the family of God motivated us to pursue these kids who needed parents and who needed to know their heavenly Father. God brought these kids to us and it is a privilege to be able to parent them.”

InHerCorner9

In Her Corner, episode 8

In Her Corner, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

A wife, a mom to a 15 year old son (who lives with his father), a 6 year old girl and 3 year old twin boys, and a lover of Jesus. And she lives her life with lupus. She says it is “her lupus” because she owns it, it doesn’t own her. Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can attack any organ in the body. It will have seasons of flare-ups and then a period of remission. She was diagnosed in 2009 while pregnant with her daughter.

She had been exhibiting symptoms like feeling achy, or a fever for a year but was ignoring it, thinking that she was simply stressed or not eating well. After finding out that she was pregnant, she had blisters show up on her skin that resembled shingles. Her doctor agreed, and prescribed her medication. Her rate of deterioration quickened at this point. Fevers were occurring more frequently, and she was always exhausted, but she explained this away as simple pregnancy symptoms. Then the cough began, and she started to think it was the flu, but she wasn’t able to shake it. The nurse at her OB office told her to go to the ER. At the ER, they did blood work, and the results were off the charts. No one had any idea what was going on. It was so abnormal that they sent her to see an oncologist.

Within weeks she had marks that looked like bruises all over her skin. Her hair began falling out. She was not able to walk due to the pain in her hips. Her husband would have to pick her up and carry her up the stairs or to the car. He would come home at lunch to help her get to the restroom. She wasn’t able to eat. Everything tasted like glass, and it was too painful to even lift an ensure bottle. All she could do was lay there and look at the ceiling. She was giving up on life.

“While I was immobile, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, I would talk with God, asking Him why this was happening? My eyes then focused on the textured ceiling and I could she the outline of a Jesus fish. I could hear him say, ‘I’m not through with you yet.’ From that point on, I didn’t have any more thoughts of giving up.”

They finally were able to determine that she had lupus. And had started her on prednisone, which she still currently takes. It helped, and she was finally able to eat, but it made her become jittery. She became paranoid, and unable to sleep.

The pregnancy had exacerbated the lupus, bringing out the symptoms and causing them to be more severe. She then switched to a high-risk OB, who told her they would try to get her and the baby to 26 weeks.

Her OB gave her Ambien to help her sleep. At first, she didn’t want to take it, afraid that she wouldn’t wake up. One day while asleep, her husband noticed that her complexion did not look normal, she looked very ashen. That same day, her rheumatologist called and said that she needed to get to the hospital right away for a blood transfusion because her hemoglobins were at a dangerously low level that could cause her body to fail. A low hemoglobin count means that there is not enough oxygen for the body. A normal count is between 11 and 14. Her count was 5.3. They administered a transfusion which brought her up to 7. Two days later she went for another that brought her up to 7.7. A third brought her to 9.3, and by the time her daughter was born, she was at 10.

She made it to 37 weeks; her newborn daughter completely healthy!

The drop in hemoglobin could have been due to the lupus attacking the red blood cells, but she believes that it was mostly due to the malnutrition from not being able to eat, and the baby taking what little iron she did have in her body. Lupus can effect any organ of the body; brain, heart, lung, blood, skin. She fears another flare-up will attack her blood. A flare up can effect a person differently each time, and each individual with lupus can be effected differently.

When her daughter was 8 months old, the lupus flared up again, this time attacking her kidneys and once again losing her hair. She was classified with stage 3 kidney disease, and yet another doctor was added to her repertoire. She was on the brink of dialysis, so they tried a medication to help her kidneys but instead she suffered from a rare side-effect that caused a condition with her liver. She decided to try a natural remedy that worked to improve the function of her kidneys without medication. Her kidneys have no remaining damage.

Because the pregnancy with her daughter exacerbated the lupus, they were advised to not have any more children. But they wanted a big family, so after her kidneys improved, they prayed about it and decided to let things happen. They knew that the Lord would take care of it, whatever the outcome, and soon enough she had a positive pregnancy test. Both her and her husband were hoping that she would become pregnant with twins. At her first ultrasound, it was confirmed!

“Praise God! We cried, we held hands, it was wonderful!”

Her body ended up doing better while she was pregnant the second time. Her twins were born nine weeks early, which was honestly really good. Otherwise they would have been too big.

“During that time my hair grew! It was beautiful and long and curly! Woohoo! I was actually able to do things with it. That’s the hair I remember!”

But a year later she started losing her hair yet again. And again she had a rash on her skin. She saw her rheumatologist right away, and they upped her medication so when the flare up did happen it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Thankfully this flare-up did not effect her kidneys, but she did lose all of her hair.

She has to avoid the sun since UvA and UvB rays have been known to induce flares. She keeps sunblock everywhere and covers her skin as much as possible. She keeps hats with her and wears long sleeves and long pants, regardless of the temperature.

Food can also be a trigger. She has been experimenting with her diet, and is trying to avoid dairy, gluten, sugar, certain vegetables, soy, and nuts. She has been learning, and her doctors have supported her, that our immune system is rooted in our gut. If our gut is not healthy, then our immune system cannot function properly. She has seen good results from this, especially in her skin.

“I’m not perfect at it, I definitely like ice cream! But I will feel it in my hips.”

After her twins were born she was diagnosed with avascular necrosis, death of bone tissue, in both hips. In the future she will be having double hip replacement. For now she is stable, aside from not being able to bend well, but she is still able to walk, so they wait and monitor.

“I’ve had to adjust. I used to run, but I can’t do that anymore. The salt water pool is the only way I can get some good exercise!”

What her days are like…

She is constantly being monitored by a variety of doctors, so she has to juggle her appointments, as well as therapy for her twins for developmental issues due to them being born early. In addition to these, she is homeschooling and participates in a co-op. She knows she has to respect her limits and not overdo physical exertion.

“When I’m good, I’m full speed ahead, trying to keep up as best as I can just like every other mom. But when my body is tired, I have to listen to it.”

Her husband handles giving the kids baths, putting them to bed, attends to them during the night. He takes off work on days that she is not able to function, or if she has appointments. They are both incredibly thankful for his employer who is so understanding.

“Without my husband, all of this… He’s my angel. God took two broken people and is writing a beautiful love story.”

What her strengths are…

She knows she has to lean on God.

“I wouldn’t change any of this because it has made me His, for real.”

She is passionate about her relationship with God, and His faithfulness. She has learned to pray about everything and through every trial. She prayed through every sleepless night, every feeding, every struggle. She gets through everything one moment at a time.

What she struggles with…

She struggles with the loss of her hair. Even though a year ago was the third time losing it, it is still difficult. She had always identified herself by how she looked, and being active. She has had to reassess where her identity is, and it is in Jesus. She is still working through it.

She struggles with wanting to do it all, but knowing that she can’t.

“Actually, I struggle with wanting to do all that I want to do! I know I can do what He wants me to do. I pray daily, ‘God, let me accomplish what You want me to accomplish today. Nothing more, nothing less.’ I have to figure out what my motivation is for wanting to do more. Is it for my purpose or His purpose? And then I surrender that and ask for Him to guide me. God has me where He wants me to be. I trust that it is for Him and it is good. And that is enough for right now.”

What her fears are…

She fears having a flare up that would take her away as a mom and a wife. She has to trust that God will take care of them.

“I would lose my hair everyday, as long as I know I’ll be around.”

What her joys are…

Her deep faith, knowing that this experience has brought her to a deeper and more intimate relationship with the Lord.

Her marriage, and the closeness between her and her husband. Her husband has lived up to his vows of for better or for worse.

Her appreciation for life in general. She hears her children’s laughter and feels their joy. It reminds her to enjoy life, and the simple things.

How she stays sane…

“I read my devotional in the bathroom!”

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Yes, it is full of toilet paper!

What she wants you to know…

“Even though I’m broken on this earth, I am healed. This is temporary. Yes, there are trials but they draw me closer to the Lord. Don’t let someone tell you that miracles can’t happen, or that your hope is worthless. God is faithful. If you let him in and surrender your life, He will take it and use it. He is writing a really good story.”

And…

“Don’t feel guilty for taking naps!!”

I hope you were encouraged by this momma’s story to persevere and trust the Lord with whatever situation you currently find yourself in. Remember that His desire is to bring you closer in relationship to Him, to trust Him, and to be fulfilled by Him alone. You dear lady are being pursued, and you are enough. No more running, no more striving.

xoxo

In Her Corner, episode 7

In Her Corner, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

This episode is the second part of meeting a mom who is living overseas, and whose son has severe food allergies. This month we learn what her life is like living in the Middle East. To read the first part of the interview, which focused on being a mom who deals with her son’s special diet, check out In Her Corner, episode 6.

Who she is…

For nearly a year now, she, and her husband, and her two boys have been living in the Middle East. They weren’t actively looking to move, instead they had considered traveling during the summers while her husband, who is a professor, taught english as a second language. However, this would not work to support a family of four and pay for the medical bills due to her son’s extreme food allergies.

An opportunity arose and they decided, after visiting, that it was the best thing for their family at this time. It provided a way to pay for the medical bills and a more conducive environment for his body to heal. They are now there on a work visa, living among the locals in an apartment paid for by the university that employs her husband.

“So we did it! We just moved.”

They did not move there as missionaries, but rather wanted to immerse themselves into the culture, build relationships, and be a part of the lives of the people there. This lifestyle, however, has been difficult to know where they fit into it, and they feel like they are just trudging along.

What her life is like…

Once a week they attend a house church to meet with other Christians. Since this church is not legal, they have to be careful when they meet. Every person is required to leave their cell-phone outside so the government cannot listen in. It is not illegal for outsiders to be christians there, but they must attend one of the congregations in the church compound. And they absolutely must not talk to the locals about Jesus, or their faith.

The church compound contains 20 different churches, 6 of which are in the english language, none in arabic. And even though these churches are legal, they are heavily monitored by the government. A protestant church she visited did not read scripture once. The government keeps track of the people that attend these churches. Like, actually keep track. Names are taken, license plates recorded.

Another individual in their house church, who is a former muslim from India, is very bold about his faith in Christ. Every congregation he went to in the compound kicked him out because they did not want the attention of the government.

There are only about 100 known local believers. Several months ago, the majority, if not all, were taken to jail. These believers are quite secretive and meet in several different cities, in attempts to hide from the government. In one night, all the different underground churches, in all the different cities were raided. Everyone was arrested. Typically when this happens, these secret christians are either killed by the government, killed by their families, or shipped to another country for a lobotomy.

“I’ve read about missions and persecution. But this doesn’t feel like a God-glorifying thing. It just feels like injustice.”

Two days later, everyone was sent home. But not before all of their phones were confiscated, and their contacts recorded. Now, any westerner that was in contact with those individuals can be interrogated. Most likely, they would be blacklisted, meaning that when they leave the country they will not be able to return. The local christians were also told that if they met together one more time, things would go badly for them.

She is building a relationship with her muslim neighbors who are locals. Her neighbors are aware of their christian beliefs, but most people there assume all Westerners are christians, just as we often assume all Middle Easterners are muslim. She has also learned that they think that all christians drink and dance in church. Recently, her neighbor invited her to come over to meet some of the local women in their neighborhood. She eagerly accepted the invitation.

“It ended up being a koran study. I understood so little of it!”

They had originally wanted to have church meetings in their home, but that is not an option since there has been reports of encouraged spying at the university where her husband works. People are being encouraged to turn in people who are “very religious.” She is trying to figure out how to be bold, yet still careful.

What is difficult for her…

They are struggling to find fellowship. They are the outsiders. Not missionaries, not wealthy ex-pats, not a local. They are somewhere in the middle of all this.

“We are the weirdos…Our box of people we can get to know just shrinks really small.”

A lot of ex-pats that live there are very wealthy and live a very glamorous life. Large villas and a servant staff. They don’t want to hang out with ex-pats because the local people there do not approve of their lifestyle. Therefore, they don’t want to be associated with the ex-pat lifestyle.

Then there are missionaries that live there, and live quite modestly and are very friendly, but they have a different philosophy of ministry. And because of the organizations that support them, they have meetings frequently that has lead to a cliquish environment.

And there is the government.

“Because the government monitors everything, we only put the very positive things on social media. I’m typically a very transparent person, but now I’m not honest with anyone.”

Sometimes she wonders how much they’re giving their children by living there, and how much they’re not getting by staying in the U.S. She knows that they are where they should be and she knows she need to feel alright about it.

Spiritually it has been a struggle for her as well. Some days she feels hopeless. The lessons she is learning are long and hard, but when she finally grasps it the joy is very sweet.

What is easy for her…

“Honestly, very few things are easy. Not having to pay rent is nice!”

What her fears are…

Due to her legalistic upbringing, she worried she would be drawn to the muslim faith.

She has also felt concern that her children will end up being muslim. She wants her children to experience education in a different culture, but is nervous about what her son is learning in school. He currently is not in an arabic class, but next year it will be required. She has already spoken with the school master about this since teaching arabic involves teaching islam in school.

She is fearful that they will be living there for a number of years and still not experience real fellowship.

She is afraid that when they leave the country to go visit family they will not be able to go back because they’ve been reported.

What her joys are…

Grace has been sweeter there. She sees the bondage that people are under, and it makes her realize and appreciate the freedom she has in Christ.

Even though she does not feel fully connected in their house church, it has been a positive experience. It has been encouraging to see the unity with the families there, and seeing how the older children take care of the younger ones. Everybody is helping to take care of each other.

The bond within her own family has grown solid. All they have is each other.

What she wants others to know…

Typically, people have very specific ideas of what life is like in the Middle East, and they ask her questions to confirm their own ideas, not to hear the truth. If what she tells them does not fit into their own narrative, then they don’t want to hear it.

“I have never experienced such kindness from a group of people in my whole life.”

She wants others to realize that not everyone there is extremist. Even the locals are terrified of the Middle East. Isis has killed more muslims than any other people group. They are killing their own families.

She wants others to reach out to people, listen, and show love.

She wants others, and herself, to be better about reaching out to the foreigners. Basic, everyday things are difficult, and a big deal.

“I just today figured out where to buy hydrogen peroxide!”

After talking with this sweet lady and hearing her passion and her struggles, I was reminded of this verse:

The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God. Leviticus 19:34

Let’s not only love on this momma who is juggling so much. Let’s love on all those around us who feel alone and are struggling to make it through what we would consider to be the simple tasks of their day.

xoxo

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InHerCorner-7

In Her Corner, episode 6

In Her Corner, Stay Sane

In this episode we meet a mom who is living overseas, and whose son has severe food allergies. This is the first part of the interview, focusing on being a mom who deals with her son’s special diet. Next month we will learn what her life is like living in the Middle East.

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

A mom of two boys, living on mission in the Middle East. They are not there as missionaries, but rather living among the people there, building relationships, and being prepared to share the message of Christ with them. Her husband’s career provided an opportunity for them to move there which has been beneficial due to her younger son having extreme food allergies. 

Where she is at…

Literally, she is in the Middle East in a country that cannot be disclosed. The government there listens into phone calls, and uses phones to listen to conversations that you are having even if you are not using your phone. She has a secure VPN, so this interview took place via a video conferencing app, after she hid her phone in the other room.

Where she has been…

Things with her son started off difficult at birth. She had wanted a natural, unmedicated birth, and things were going as planned, up until she reached 10cm. He was coming down the birth canal throat first, which could have caused his neck to snap. Suddenly, everything changed. They were putting her under anesthesia in order to perform a c-section. The last thing she heard before going under was a nurse yelling that she couldn’t hear a heartbeat. When she awoke, she was in a room by herself feeling the fear that she had lost her son. Thankfully, he survived.

He was a slow grower, but initially they were not concerned. Both she and her husband are small people, so they naturally assumed he was just going to small. At eight months, however, they were really concerned with his lack of growth, and they started going in for monthly weight checks. She felt like nursing him was not enough, and he wasn’t interested in solids so they started giving him raw goat milk, which did help, but not a enough.

Around 10 months old he started to eat more solids. Then the rash started. By 12 months he was covered in what the doctors thought was eczema. Every doctor she went to prescribed him steroids, but she felt in her gut that is wasn’t truly eczema. It got to the point where he didn’t have any skin left. She would get him up in the morning and she would see blood in his crib.

“He looked like a burn victim.”

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It took 6 months of searching for an answer before she found another mom whose child dealt with the same thing. They went to see the specialist that this mom recommended. What they discovered was that his intestinal wall was basically mesh. Everything he ate was leaking into his blood stream. His body was making allergies in order to fight the food particles.

The doctor started him on a series of injections that were specifically formulated for his body. These injections, that he receives every 2 weeks, were to begin right as they were going to be moving to the Middle East. The doctor, who said that her son is the worst case he has ever seen, taught her how to administer the injections so she could do it while they were over seas. They have seen a huge improvement in the past 9 months, with just occasional breakouts on his skin. They will eventually start spreading out the frequency of injections until they are able to wean him off.

Because his body develops new allergies due to the food particles leaking into his blood stream, they have to cycle his food. This way his body doesn’t have a chance to develop an allergy. At one point there were only 5 foods that he could eat, now he can have 30 different items.

His body is still not able to fully digest his food. He is not able to absorb all the nutrients of the food he consumes and this results in eliminating solid pieces of food. He was 18 months old before having a normal poop.

All she wants is for her son to be healed. Right before this past Christmas she saw that all his toenails needed to be cut. This was a gift of hope that his body is healing because he had so infrequently needed his nails trimmed. Now that his body is absorbing nutrients, his fingernails and hair are actually growing. He has gained 3.5lbs. in the past 9 months.

What her days look like…

She spends a lot of time cooking and preparing food for her son in large quantities and freezes them in individual portions. Then she cycles through them to make it easier for her to plan and keep track of his limited meal options.

It has been helpful living in the Middle East due to the dry climate and being close to the water. But it has been difficult trying to explain to people in a culture that loves to share and give food why they can’t do this for her son when she does not speak their language. She has learned the word for infection, but still struggles with communication.

“I was trying to explain to someone that he has an allergy. In arabic it would have been translated literally, ‘the infection belongs to him.’ But how it came out was, ‘No thank you, you have an infection.’“

Food allergies are not common there. The diet consists mostly of rice and fresh fish. Grocery shopping is difficult because items come in on ship freighters, and there are not regular shipments of them. If there is an item she likes to buy for her son, but they run out, it may be another 6 months before it is back in stock.

“I have started hoarding!”

What her strengths are…

She is an organized person that likes schedules and lists. It has been fun for her to learn new recipes and be creative with the few foods he can have.

What she struggles with…

Even though she likes planning, she is not always good at implementing. She tends to procrastinate which results in running out of stuff which results in him not eating as healthy as he should on some days.

She struggles that they can’t all sit down and eat the same meal. She hates that she has to always carry food around with her.

This aspect of their lives has been a burden that she has been carrying for a while now, and because of this she has adjusted to the weight of the load. She looks forward to when she no longer has to be consumed with food rotations being a part of her everyday life.

What her fears are…

She is nervous about putting him in school if things are not yet cleared up. She worries that he will eat things that he is not suppose to because she won’t be there to monitor.

She is afraid that he won’t ever get better. And she wants to make sure that he doesn’t feel limited in life by this.

What her joys are…

It has been sweet for her to see how her older son is super protective.

She believes that their family is becoming more like Christ, having to serve her son by sacrificing at times what the rest of them want to do. It has made them more unified as a family.

How she stays sane…

Starbucks.

“I used to go running, but I can’t go running here. I can’t dress modestly enough to run in the heat.”

The Starbucks there is exactly the same as a Starbucks in America, so it is a piece of home.

She also takes an arabic class twice a week that has given her something to focus on.

What she wants others to understand…

“Before we had a diagnosis, everybody under the sun had an article for us to read, and an essential oil to put on him.”

Don’t be so quick to offer information, instead offer a listening ear.

“I’m already overwhelmed, in the doctor’s office trying to figure it out, spending so much money on yet another treatment.”

She feels grateful when people validate what she deals with.

“Someone saying ‘Man, that takes a lot of energy.’ has meant more to me than anything else.”

 Oh mommas! We never really know what others are dealing with. Let’s encourage one another, support one another, and love one another. Hang in there momma, you got this!

Are you a momma that needs encouragement? Do you know someone that needs someone in her corner? I would love to meet her! Please feel free to contact me and we can chat.

xoxo

InHerCorner-food_allergies

 

In Her Corner, episode 5

In Her Corner, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

Who she is…

A single mom of two, working 3 different jobs in order to make ends meet. Trying to maintain time with her children while she works a hectic schedule. Living a life fueled by grace. Using her God-given gifts to encourage and motivate others. She gets it all done by waking early and staying up late.

“Honestly, some days I’m running on 4 hours of sleep and lots of coffee!”

Where she has been…

To understand the life she now lives, we must understand the life she has lived. She did not grow up with a father present, and her mother worked most of the time in order to provide. Because of this, there was not much supervision in their home, and this provided an environment that allowed her to be sexual abused by a sibling for several years. It was this time in her life that she learned how to “wear a mask” and put on an act that everything was fine.

“It’s just too painful to tell people how you really feel or what things are really going on.”

She was angry. Angry at her mother for not protecting her and for not stopping the abuse. Angry at her earthly father for leaving and not being there. And angry at her heavenly Father for allowing any of it. As a young adult, she accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior and realized that the grace God had extended to her, she had to extend to others. So, with God’s help, she forgave. She forgave her mother, knowing that she was just doing the best she could with what she had. She has forgiven her father, understanding now that he needed to leave because of addictions that he didn’t want to expose his family to. And she has forgiven her abuser even though remorse has never been expressed on their part. She still has scars that are not fully healed, but she is living by grace day by day.

Shortly after becoming a follower of Christ, she met her husband. And shortly after that, they were married. They both came from broken homes. Neither of them knew what a healthy family looked like.

“We were just putting together what we thought would be a good family with the broken pieces we had.”

A year into the marriage she started to see some red flags. It started with verbal abuse, being told she was lazy, a slob, and a horrible mom.

“My first Mother’s Day he didn’t get me anything. He said I didn’t deserve anything because I wasn’t a good mom.”

Unfortunately, she believed these comments. Then she found out she was expecting again. She was panicked. She already felt overwhelmed with one child, how was she going to be able to handle two? While she was pregnant, he was deployed. And even though this meant she had to handle things on her own, life was easier.

She found a good, supportive church and was mentored by other women, finally seeing what a godly woman and mother look like. She learned that it was alright to make mistakes, that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. She was learning the difference between conviction and condemnation. She was refreshed.

Her husband returned from overseas, coming home with PTSD. He was very withdrawn, and became easily angered. At this point he became physically abusive. She thought about walking away from the marriage then, but he wanted to make things right. They went to counseling, and even though it did seem to help, he was not as open about his own issues and made it seem to the counselor that the problems they were having were her fault.

Through all of this, she presented herself as happy in front of others. She made it appear that they had the perfect marriage. She lied to others in order to protect him, even though it put herself at risk. She wore the mask that she created as a child.

“You may love somebody, but they shouldn’t hurt you and you shouldn’t protect them if they are hurting you.”

Due to the PTSD, he was not able to find work. She, however, found a part-time job that she was able to find fulfillment in. The problem was, he did not want her to work. He accused her of trying to escape her duties at home and that she would neglect the cooking and cleaning. He finally agreed with her working as long as the money was going into their joint account.

As time went on, he became more and more controlling. He accused her of over spending and said that she could not be trusted with a debit card. So he put her on an allowance, which is what she used to buy food, and diapers for 2 small children. If she ran out of money and needed more, then he made her perform sexual favors. She had hit a new low.

Things continued to get worse. Her children were starting to become aware of what was going on. She discovered that he was having an affair. He was addicted to pain pills. If the food wasn’t cooked right he would throw food at her face.

“We were falling apart. I was falling apart.”

When she told him that she was leaving, he became enraged, took her car, and left. When he returned, he attempted to force himself on her. Thankfully, she was able to fight him off, but in doing so, it woke the children. He left again, this time taking his own car. She grabbed the spare key (that she had previously hidden) to her car, packed up her children and went to live at a women’s shelter until she was able to step out on her own.

Her divorce has been finalized for about a year now.

“The struggle right now is to see what God is going to do next. I’m just surviving, and I’m ready to thrive.”

What her strengths are…

Even if she is having a bad day, she is able to put that aside and focus on the task at hand. She is able to laugh and play with her children, no matter what situation they are currently going through. She is constantly teaching her children to trust in God’s provision.

“It’s scary to be in the position where trusting in God is my only option, but it’s the best place to be.”

She is teaching them that trials bring steadfastness, and that He will bring them out of the storm. She is teaching them to be nice to everyone because you never know what others are dealing with or going through.

What her struggles are…

She finds it difficult to stop and listen to her children. She has so many things to do and not enough time. She finds herself always talking at them, telling them what they should or should not do.

She struggles with her current work schedule. She is currently looking for a full-time position so she can be there for her children and not work crazy shifts.

What her joys are…

When she see them learning from their trials. When they laugh. When they pray. When they’re sleeping!

“I told him [her son] it’s ok to start over, we just have to keep going. And he said to me, ‘I know, I see you doing it all the time.’ “

What her fears are…

That they will end up in an abusive relationship. And she fears that they will walk away from God. She doesn’t want them to become discouraged, seeing their dad who is not struggling at all.

How she stays sane…

She needs time alone. She loves being around others, encouraging them and ministering to them, but she feels exhausted when she gets home. She spends this time praying, and reading God’s Word, and being still.

“It’s very important to have my quiet time, otherwise I am a mommy monster!”

She has learned that it is alright to take care of herself, that she is not being selfish, and to not feel guilty.

What she wants others to know…

“I see other women in bad relationships, and they stay. I want them to understand that they don’t have to stay. You don’t have to have it all together, it’s ok to be broken.”

She encourages others to share their brokenness. She shares her weaknesses openly because she wants people to see that where she lacks is where God picks up the pieces and pulls her through.

Oh mommas! We never really know what others are dealing with. Let’s encourage one another, support one another, and love one another. Hang in there momma, you got this!

I learned so much from listening to this momma’s story. Let’s spread the encouragement by sharing her story with others. Her story might not be pretty, but God has redeemed it and made it beautiful!

Are you a momma that needs encouragement? Do you know someone that needs someone in her corner? I would love to meet her! Please feel free to contact me and we can chat.

xoxo

In Her Corner, episode 4

In Her Corner, Love, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

 

Who She Is…

 

She is a working mom of one child who has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. Her work schedule as a pilot is consistent in the fact that it is never consistent. Some weeks she is only gone one night, other weeks she is away for multiple days. She loves to cook, and to be on the go, but has had to sacrifice these parts of herself in order to care for her son, who is in kindergarten.

She explains her son’s condition as not being able to process information the way other people do. His body takes in and receives all information all the time. He isn’t able to filter out information that is not necessary. He sees everything, feels everything, hears everything, and his body sometimes can’t handle all that it is processing. He is constantly bouncing between being over-stimulated and under-stimulated. 

He takes everything she says very literally, so she has to be very careful how she talks to him, and to be very specific. She has learned to avoid certain situations so that he does not become over-stimulated and experience a complete meltdown.

“Target is the worst place ever. All the lights would send him on overdrive. It was too much, he couldn’t handle it.”

The first clue that there was a problem was shortly after birth. He was born at a normal weight, but was having difficulty nursing and lost a considerable amount of weight that took him a month to regain. She began to supplement with formula, but he was still not growing at the rate the doctors hoped to see. It took several tries to find a formula that he would accept, and she found that it had to be at a certain temperature. By nine months he had begun some solid foods but it wasn’t enough to gain weight. From 9-12 month he did not gain any weight at all. They then began to investigate if he was failure to thrive, or if his body was just not able to process calories. She was becoming desperate, even resorting to feeding him ice cream just so he would eat something.

“It was hard, that whole first year. I was a new mom, everybody is telling me that babies will cry when they want to eat, but my baby didn’t cry for food, so we put him on a schedule, and even still he wasn’t into food.”

Their doctor was able to get them in with an Occupational Therapist and that was when they got the diagnosis. They were finally able to put together all the pieces. Looking back they were able to see that he had this from birth. Currently, eating is still a struggle. They only have a few foods that he will accept. They may gain an item, but then lose another.

Physically, he struggles to know where his body is in space. This means he needs a lot of physical pressure and heavy work. He is often bumping or pushing into other people, which usually ends up being her.

Going into kindergarten, he was not (and still not completely) potty trained. By the second week of school she noticed that he was wet when she went to pick him up. They have gone to see more specialists, and are thankfully getting close to resolution. His body cannot always process the sense of needing to go. Once he does feel the urge there is not always enough notice to get to the toilet in time. He wants to be able to control it but can’t.

“At one point things were going so well. We had been 3 weeks with no accidents! And then we had 5 accidents in a row. I had to pick that weight back up, and manage it again. I’ve been managing the potty every day for 4 years.”

He is gradually learning his body. He is beginning to be able to know and give his body what it needs. This could include quiet alone time, listening to music, or jumping on the trampoline.

What her days look like…

Because of her work schedule, it is difficult to have consistency in their family schedule, and they have to be flexible. It would be easier if they could be more consistent, but that is not an option, so they try to consistent in the areas that they can be. This means her husband puts their son to bed at night even if she is home since there are many nights that she is away.

She has to manage everything. Even though her schedule is the inconsistent one, she is the one that drives the consistency that he requires. She is constantly managing his nutritional intake, whether or not he needs to use the restroom, and making sure his schedule is not over-stimulating him.

It was difficult to find the school that was the right fit for him. First, they wanted to send him to a small school, but it had too many transitions throughout the day which  included having to walk outside between buildings. In this situation he would have had to process a change in temperature, a change in environment, and a change in smells. The school they settled on is actually a very sterile environment. Most people would think it was boring, but it works for him so that he is able to focus. They knew he needed an environment with as few distractions as possible.

His school has been wonderfully supportive and willing to work with him. Sometimes he needs to stand to do his work, or carry a heavy backpack to the office. The teacher has given him permission that he doesn’t need to raise his hand and ask for permission to go use the restroom. During rest time he is allowed to spend time in restroom.

“When you have a child with special needs, you can be overly hard on yourself. You think you should be doing more, or you are a bad parent because your child is not excelling in some of the basic things, like going to the potty!”

What her strengths are…

She is thankful that organization and structure come naturally to her, since this is vital to his success.

What she struggles with…

When he was younger she often felt judged by others because of her son’s behavior and has even lost friends because of it. Sometimes he comes across as rude, or will throw a tantrum in public. It’s difficult because you can’t actually see that there is anything wrong. If people really knew what he was having to do to function everyday, they would probably be amazed.

She wishes she was able to read his brain. It seems that his rules are constantly changing in his world, and he gets angry with her when she doesn’t do something the way he wants it to be done.

“He wanted his sandwich cut a certain direction, but I cut a different direction, and he had a meltdown. He can lose it over something so little.”

She struggles with all that she has had to sacrifice in order to keep him from becoming over-stimulated. She misses being able to just go and do and be social. She struggles with how little he eats and that it is not as healthy as it should be. She struggles with knowing how to discipline him, trying to distinguish between the condition and just plain old bad behavior.

What her fears are…

It’s difficult to watch your child be different. She wonders if he is going to be an outcast, or an outsider. She wants him to be accepted socially. She wants him to have good friends that accept him for who he is.

She also fears that her son is going to grow up with a mother that constantly says, “Stop touching me.” And wonders how that will affect him.

“He’s not coming up and giving me hugs. He is hitting me or running into me, or crashing into me. I’m in a state of fight all day long.”

What her joys are…

She loves watching his mind work and seeing how he processes things. He can get fixated on certain things, but then he ends up knowing a lot about a particular topic. When he is enjoying something, there is nothing brighter.

He can also be very adventurous. He loves going places. He just may not participate when they get there.

What she does to stay sane…

“I run!”

She makes sure that she takes time to recharge and makes time to spend with friends without her son being there. She leans on her husband to take over when she is at her max. And going to work helps her stay sane too.

What she wants you to know…

She wishes people understood that there is not an easy fix. She feels like people think that she has all of this made up in her head or that he will simply grow out of it. She wants people to see that he is an amazing kid that just thinks differently. She doesn’t want him to be judged because it’s not something he can control. She wants others to understand that we are all dealing with something and we are all unique.

She doesn’t want to be seen as a bad parent.

“I’m struggling just like everyone else to handle whatever life brings.”

She wishes people would be more accepting of people for who they are. Support other moms, who might be struggling, by telling them that they are doing a good job and are an awesome parent.

And finally, ask questions, don’t give advice.

“People would tell me just put the food in front of him, and that he’ll eat it if he’s hungry enough. No, no he won’t. He’ll starve himself and go to the hospital, but thanks for the advice anyway.”

Oh mommas! We never really know what others are dealing with. Let’s encourage one another, support one another, and love one another. Hang in there momma, you got this!

I learned so much from listening to this momma’s story. Let’s spread the encouragement by sharing her story with others.

Are you a momma that needs encouragement? Do you know someone that needs someone in her corner? I would love to meet her! Please feel free to contact me and we can chat.

xoxo

 

In Her Corner, episode 3

In Her Corner, Love, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

 

Who she is…

She is a military mom of three who has moved away from her hometown for the first time. She anticipated this move to be difficult and that it would be out of her comfort zone. Her whole adult life has been one trial after another, so she has just expected the bottom to drop out yet once again. Thankfully, the opposite has been true. A weight has been lifted, and she is feeling refreshed, relishing in her new life.

Where she’s been…

A month into marriage, she wanted out and she wanted to go back home. It wasn’t what she had pictured. She didn’t receive flowers, she wasn’t told she was beautiful, she wasn’t having fun. There was never enough money, and she didn’t like where they lived. In that first year she consoled herself by eating, and as a result gained 25 pounds. And then she became pregnant. She was a baby herself, only 19 years old, having to learn to be a mom and struggling with postpartum depression. Two years later, a second baby was born. She has very few memories of those first few years. She was on a high dosage of anti-depressants that left her feeling numb. She was chronically disappointed in her life and in the man she had married.

Her medication was adjusted and she eventually leveled out. Life was beginning to look a little brighter. She started to work a part-time job that helped build her confidence. Her spirit was rising. Then she decided to go down a wrong path and pursued a relationship with another man. And although adultery was not committed to the fullest extent, it was committed within her heart. There was then a massive divide in an already unstable marriage that resulted in years of repercussions.

But they stuck it out, and kept on working on their marriage. Six months later, she was pregnant again. There was still not enough money, and they were moving from one unhappy rental to the next. Her husband did finally have a good job, but instead of feeling relief the divide widened. She ate, and he drank. They argued. A lot. She finally told him that if he didn’t stop wasting their money and drinking she was going to take the kids and leave. She made good on her threat, taking her children to live with her parents for about 3 months. During this time she was able to find herself and her identity. She was being healed.

“I wasn’t just a survivor, I could thrive. I was still a daughter of God.”

She and her husband went through a lot of counselling, and reunited. It went smoothly for about a year until it started to slip, and they were sliding, once again, down that hill. They decided they were tired of living like roommates and not actually sharing the role of husband and wife. They were going to give up, and call it quits. Leaders in their church came along side of them and loved on them and gave them the freedom to split up. It wasn’t that the church wanted them to split, rather that the church wanted them to know that even if they did, they would still be loved and cared for by the church.

So they stayed together, yet again. She still expected the bottom to drop out, but she was no longer worried about it. Two weeks later he lost his job. He expressed interest in joining the military, even though she told him before they were married that she would never be a minister’s wife or a military wife. They talked together and decided that National Guard was the best choice. He enlisted, and left for basic training. Meanwhile, she went to school to be a nail tech. During this time they wrote letters. And letters. And more letters. In his 10 weeks at basic training, he wrote 50 letters.

“Through the mail, I fell in love with him for the first time.”

Since then, things have been improving. Not always easy, but improving. He served ten months in Africa, leaving her to work and care for their 3 children. Eventually that position ended with the Guard, and he worked a job that put them on opposite schedules. Her life was completely scheduled with work, church, children, family, friends.

“These trials that we endure, if we can be faithful, absolutely strengthen us. And they make us more fit for presenting the gospel, if not to the nations, then to my children. What better calling.”

And then, out of the blue, an incredible opportunity with the National Guard landed in his lap. Great job, nice area, good schools, and finally enough money. She never felt like she would arrive at this moment. She had resigned to the belief that her life was going to consist of simply surviving and only having the hope of heaven to keep her going.

In the first few weeks, they bickered a lot. They had to learn how to live on this new schedule, and to actually be with each other. They came to the realization that they didn’t know each other. They didn’t even know what the other’s likes and dislikes were. She is grateful to have this opportunity to start over and have a new beginning. She is learning who she really is without the baggage.

“Who we are becoming is the life I had dreamed and prayed for when I was growing up. And it’s even better than I hoped for!”

She knows that God has redeemed what has happened in their lives. Sometimes she lost sight that God was always pursuing her. Regardless of what she had done, He was always there pursuing her. After going through what she has gone through, it has made her appreciate what they have been given.

“God alone has done this. And it is marvelous!”

What her days look like…

Now she finds herself trying to be wise with what to do with her time. For the first time as an adult, she has had options for what to do with her day. She is relishing in it, and praying for wisdom in how to use it wisely.

After she gets her kids off to school, she spends time catching up with friends, does a bible study, workouts, gets ready, writes letters, runs errands, does housework, and then picks up her kids. And for the first time, they consistently have dinner as a family.

What her fears are…

She fears she will forget what God has done for her. In this season of blessing, she wants to remember how she got here and Who did it. She doesn’t want to take credit for any of it. It has truly been a gift. One that she has waited a long time for.

What her joys are…

For the first time, simply getting up in the morning is a joy.

“Here I am! I’m being blessed!”

How she stays sane…

She treats herself to fresh flowers in the house every week. She also has a love for writing. With an actual pen and paper! She loves blessing others by writing letters, and enjoys writing in her journal.

What she wants you to know…

She’s been told that she has a facade that makes it seem like she has it all together, and she feels like that makes her unapproachable, but she’s not like that at all. She doesn’t want to be read by her cover. She’s been deeply wounded, and she’s been restored. She doesn’t take the lessons she has learned for granted, and wants to be a friend to others. She wants to hear their stories as well. And maybe have a good laugh over a bottle of wine!

Oh mommas! We never really know what is going on behind the scenes of someone else’s life. Let’s carry each other’s burdens in times of sorrow, and rejoice with each other in times of blessing!

 

 

In Her Corner, episode 2

In Her Corner, Love, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

 

 

Who she is…

A mom of 4 in her mid 40’s. She homeschools her younger two. Shuttles her older two to and from school and work. Sings at her church. Mentors college students. Teaches English at her homeschool coop, as well as teaches a college English course online. And she juggles doctor appointments and treatments for her third child.

Her third child is thirteen. As a baby he had reflux, only they didn’t know it because he was aspirating it. This led to damage in his lungs causing asthma. He currently still has scar tissue in his throat. Later he was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a type of arthritis which, for him, is mostly in his knees. This arthritis has also led to uveitis, inflammation in his eye that, if not treated, can lead to blindness. His treatment for this is to have an infusion of drugs every 3 weeks, without an end date in sight. Mentally he is a normal 13 year old boy, physically he is the size of a 5 year old. And they don’t know why. They’ve seen a geneticist and an endocrinologist, and have come to accept that even if they had a name for it, he would still need his symptoms treated in the same way.

“We keep our dishes down low in the bottom cabinet so he can get them himself and help unload the dishwasher and be a contributing member of the family. But the reality is if I try to let him do too many things on his own, somebody is probably going to try to report me to DSS! They’re going to be like, what is this woman doing letting this little kid run around?!?”

On any given day she may need to take her son to either the Rheumatologist, Orthopedic, ENT, Pulmonologist, Sleep Doctor, Endocrinologist, Geneticist, Oral Surgeon,  or Gastrologist.

What her day looks like…

She rises early to read scripture, plan her day, and exercise with a friend. Then it’s breakfast, homeschool, doctor’s appointments, lunch, groceries, pick up children, and fix dinner.

There are parts of her homeschooling day that her children require her full attention, and other times they just need her present in case they have a question. During this time she checks in with her online class, answers emails, sends texts to stay in touch with friends.

“When my kids were younger, we had a much more structured schedule. But I have found it to be easier to think in terms of, this is what we need to finish in a week.”

What she struggles with…

She struggles with getting frustrated and overreacting. She forgets that her children are still young and still learning. She wants them to be more mature than they are, but she knows that what they need is for her to extend extra grace to them.

She also struggles with being easily offended. When her children don’t do the things that she wants them to, she takes it personal. She has a tendency to sit and fume and think that they have a personal vendetta against her.

“They didn’t leave their plate on the counter because they were doing it to me. They didn’t leave their pants in the bathroom because they were personally trying to get to me.”

What her strengths are…

Going to the Lord in prayer has always been natural for her.  Whenever there is a concern, or dispute, her first response is to pray. She is continually living out her faith in front of her kids so they can learn from her example.

What her fears are…

She fears her children’s faith is not going to matter to them when they grow up. She has sacrificed as a mother and put things in her own life on hold believing that this would encourage her children to live with the same faith. Now her oldest is struggling with what she believes and is struggling with making certain life decisions.

“Did the past 18 years really make a difference?”

And this is scary for her. She wants to parent with passion and doesn’t want to change the way she feels about parenting.

What are her joys…

“That’s kind of hard right now. I know there are things that bring me joy. I kind of need to remember what they are.”

She does find joy when she sees her children learning and are self motivated and take personal responsibility. And when someone else brags on her kids she is encouraged. It’s easy to feel discouraged. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs.

“Nobody is coming in saying, ‘Thank you for making me clean my room.'”

She clings to the Bible verse that says, “don’t grow weary of doing good.”

What she wants you to know…

She is her own worst critic, and believes that most mom’s (including herself) feel like they are doing a horrible job. It seems that whatever decision a mom makes, she will second guess it. Moms are so hard on each other and themselves, comparing themselves to others. She wishes everyone would be a little kinder to each other. She is doing the best that she can, so please show her grace and don’t tell her how to parent her children.

“If I could [parent] any better or different, I already would have by now.”

How she stays sane…

Exercising helps her release extra energy. And she really enjoys walking with friends. If she is happier, then everyone else in the house is happier. Pouring into other people energizes her and makes her feel special and needed.

“All of that, and of course coffee!”

 

 

Oh mommas! We are all doing the best that we can. The Lord has given each of us our own particular children. No one can be a better mom to our children than us. No one. Let us encourage one another to be our own kind of mom.

 

xoxo

In Her Corner, episode 1

In Her Corner, Love, Stay Sane

This is a series to learn about different moms and their different situations. Through interviewing these women and sharing their stories I hope that we can all have a better understanding and appreciation of each other. Hopefully we can support and encourage her “in her corner.”

 

 

Who she is…

She is a mom like many others. Maybe even a bit like you and me. She wants what is best for her son and is trying to figure out the best way to do it. Where her story may differ is with her son. It was recently confirmed what she had long suspected: Her four year old son was diagnosed with autism. Now, when she is deciding what school to send him to there is more weight as she considers all the variables. Now, when she is planning her days she needs to consider all the events that may increase his anxiety.

What her days look like…

Even though she has just the one son, she is on the go a lot. He is in school for half a day, 5 days a week. During the school day she is either working or volunteering or feeding her soul in a Bible study. She would like to find a moment to relax, but usually finds herself eating lunch in the car and trying to find time to use the restroom. After school she juggles a busy schedule including appointments for speech, early intervention, and occupational therapy.

With all of her busyness, and stress, and frustrations, as well as joy and excitement, she finds that she needs to rely on prayer, family support, and exercise to get through each day with her sanity.

What she struggles with…

She struggles with patience. She’s a no-nonsense kinda gal. She wants to instruct her son in a calm tone, knowing it is more effective. But sometimes she resorts to raising her voice which only temporarily addresses the issue, and leads to more difficulties later (as a child with autism he copies to excess, so when she yells, he yells). He is not yet able to identify the reason for his emotions, which tend to be explosive, and this is frustrating for her. She wants to know what the problem is so she can fix it. But he is just not able to tell her.

She struggles with being controlling. She wants him to do what she wants him to do when she wants it done. She aims to allow him to be his own person. To let him learn and grow to be the person he is meant to be.

What her strengths are…

Her past experience of being a teacher has taught her how to plan and schedule while being able to bend when something unexpected arises. Each week she has a plan so her household flows smoothly. In the mornings, over breakfast, she talks with her son about the day ahead and does role-playing so he will know what to do and say in certain situations. Or perhaps it includes looking at pictures online of new places they will be going. But even with all her preparations and planning, there is sure to be something that will come up. And that’s when she makes the most of the moment and teaches him how to be flexible and adventurous.

What her fears are…

When her and her husband received their son’s diagnosis, she felt alone. She was jealous of other “normal” families and felt that people couldn’t, and wouldn’t, understand. She was afraid that she would be stuck in this hardship forever and never experience the “sweet spot” of parenting where she could relax and enjoy the moment. But her biggest fear has been that her son would get to the point of where he feels uncomfortable in his own skin, and feels hurt because he is different.

What her joys are…

From these fears have come the joys of finding community and experiencing the goodness of people. By speaking up, she has found other families to journey with that are facing this same challenge. People that have and are walking the same road have been there to encourage her and support her with advice and recommendation

Her fear of watching her son struggle socially is balanced with the joy of seeing the progress he has made with how he interacts with his peers. It give her hope for the future. She is believing her son is going to be ok.  Some days are so easy and some days are so hard, but she knows that he is doing his best each day. And she is doing the best she can the skills she possesses. And she knows that tomorrow is a new day.

What she wants you to know…

She needs you to know and trust that every child and every family is doing the best they can and are trying to do what is best. Ideally we could accept that people in general are doing the best they can. Also, please know that children with special needs need a pat on the back. People don’t realize how much work went into accomplishing a simple task that many take for granted.

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