Rachael

Trust, part two: Patience

Stay SaneJanuary 30, 2015

For awhile it seemed like my life was moving backwards. At 21 I bought my first place. It was this cute 2 bedroom townhouse with an attached garage. Then we moved to Atlanta where we lived in a 500 square foot studio in a high rise. We gained a sweet view of downtown, but we no longer had a washer and dryer. Had to go to the basement for that. There was a parking garage with one assigned spot. Poor hubby had to fight for an open place. Then we moved to the suburbs of Chicago. Here we lost the air conditioning and the dishwasher. Laundry in the cellar, had to go outside to get to it. But at least we could park in the driveway. Then we moved into the city. We got the ac back, but lost parking. Had to find it on the street and dig out our spot when it snowed. Still no washer and dryer, no dishwasher. Also, there was no sunshine. First floor apartments with builings 3 feet away don’t allow for much sun to penetrate. At the next place we got the sunshine back (third floor), but lost the ac again. No ac, no dishwasher, no washer/dryer, no parking. Three flights of stairs and a newborn. Whew!

After a year and a half there we finally were able to buy a house. An actual house! With a yard! It was smaller than the garden we had when I was growing up, but I was thrilled to have it. We got back the ac, the garage, the washer/dryer, and four years after we moved in we put in a dishwasher. We did so much to that house. Complete gut rehab of the second floor. While I was pregnant. We have a picture of me five months pregnant swinging a sledge hammer busting out plaster. We finished it two weeks before my second son was born. This was a rough time physically, financially, and mentally. At one point a rat got in our house because there was a hole in the concrete of the basement. A RAT!! IN OUR HOUSE!!! Then we got busted and fined by city for doing work without a permit. There I was, eight months pregnant, standing before a judge, begging for mercy. See, where I grew up, if you wanted to do work on your house, then you did work on your house.

Our 8 years in Chicago were hard. Of course there are the basic Chicago things that all Chicagoans deal with. Harsh winters that just won’t end (seriously, nothing blooms until the end of April). Traffic that moves so slow you might as well walk (once, it took me over an hour to drive 4 miles). People that speak harshly and are unfriendly (people would look at me funny if I smiled and said hello). The permits, tickets, and fees that make you paranoid to drive your car anywhere (we just considered it donations to the city). But we also dealt with my hubby losing his job, opening and running a money devouring business, living in crappy apartments, living through a rehab, and a rat.

I wanted to leave so badly. I cried so many tears, begging God to get us out of there. The worst it got happened in the middle day coming home from running errands. I was turning left at an awkward intersection and almost hit a pedestrian. He started yelling at me that he had a green light (I did not have a turn arrow). Here’s the thing though, he was not at a crosswalk. The crosswalk was on the other side of this intersection (and for good reason). So I yelled back that the green lights are for cars and that he didn’t have a crosswalk-IDIOT!!! By the way, my kids were in the back seat. My older son was 4 at the time and he started crying. I asked why he was crying, and his response was, “You scared me.” At this point I started crying and called my hubby (all husbands just love getting this kind of call while at work). I told him that he had to get me out of this city. I hated the city, and I hated who I was becoming while living in it.

We tried so many times to get out. Once, we were seriously considering a job opportunity for my hubby in Seattle. He made it through three rounds of interviews until that door was closed. Praise The Lord that it was. I would have been even more miserable there. There was an opportunity to move back home to Louisville at one point that I was truly disappointed that it didn’t work out. When we were actually at the point that we could move, we thought we would move back to Atlanta. That seemed to make the most sense. It’s a big city with lots of job opportunities, great weather (in my opinion), and we still have friends there. But alas, this was not to be either.

The Lord had something even greater in mind. He gave us even more than what we asked for. Atlanta would not have solved all the problem that we were dealing with in Chicago. It still has a high cost of living, it still has bad crime, it still has bad schools, and of course it still has bad traffic. I didn’t know a thing about Greenville, SC before my husband had his phone interview phone for the position here. The first time either of us ever step foot in Greenville was when we came with the moving van. We have not been disappointed.

Not everybody is miserable is Chicago. I have dear friends that live there and they love it. It’s home for them, and I am thrilled that they feel that way. There is such peace in feeling “home”. But not once in 8 years did we feel “home”. And we had many moments of joy there, including friendships that will age with me. But we knew that we were not meant to stay there. Even though we struggled, we knew that we were where we needed to be for that long season in our lives. We knew it wasn’t time to leave yet, no matter how desperately we wanted to. Waiting is difficult.

Wait for The Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for The Lord. Psalm 27:14

We learned that we had to be patient. And we had to wait for The Lord’s perfect timing. I’m relieved that when doors were closed we didn’t try to force them open, although I was standing there with a crowbar feeling tempted to do so. I would pray, “Lord help me feel at home!” I wanted to want to be there. Then I prayed, “help me feel at peace.” And I would for a period of time. Sometimes we are called to stand and fight (like David and Goliath), and sometimes we are told to run away (like Joseph and Mary fleeing to Egypt). I believe we never felt at home because we were never meant to stay.

It takes trust to learn patience. So if you find yourself in a situation that you feel desperate to escape, be encouraged! Trust that The Lord knows, and cares. Know that His timing is perfect. And there is nothing wrong with crying while you wait.

This is the third post in a series on Faith, Trust, Surrender.

Trust, part one: Love

Stay SaneJanuary 22, 2015

I have a past life that seems so long ago, I have to remind myself that it truly happened. It was about 10 years ago that this past life was born.

We had moved from Atlanta to Chicago for my hubby to begin his career. Actually I should say, “Chicagoland” because it was in suburb of Chicago, which is absolutely positively not Chicago. Life was moving along quite predictably when, BAM!! Out of nowhere my husband lost his job. Being that I was completely homesick, I was ready to move home to Louisville, Kentucky. But alas, he was not. We talked about all sorts of things to do. Move west, hike the Appalachian Trail, start a coffee shop, move into the actual city, etc. We decided to do the responsible thing of moving into the city so that he could work on establishing his career. And start a coffee shop too. Craaaa-zeeee!

See, I had this dream of owning a coffee shop when we lived in Atlanta. Just an innocent little dream. People dream all the time, doesn’t mean they actually do it. Not so for me. Hubby gets nervous when I start dreaming. Truthfully, he encourages it. I was looking for an apartment in a certain neighborhood in the city on craigslist. Out of curiosity, I did a search for a store front in the same neighborhood, just wondering what rent would be like for that. And then I realized there was an apartment and a store front for rent in the same building. How cool, I thought, would it be to live in the same building as the coffee shop. I pondered this for a while trying to decide if I should look into it. My hubby’s response was, “in five years will you be happy that you stuck with your career, or regret that you never looked into this opportunity.” Well, if you’re going to put it that way….

A month later, we had a lease. We had absolutely no clue what we were doing. All we could see was the next step to take. It was complete trust that The Lord was leading us to do this and He would take care of us along the way. See, I believe that He gives us these dreams/ideas for a reason.

Delight yourself in The Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

It says that He gives us the desires. Not that He grants us whatever we desire. And if we are seeking Him, and seeking what He wants, then He will give us certain desires. What He wants is for us to love people. And He gave us the desire to love the people of this neighborhood with a coffee shop to provide the way.

It was a crash course in how to love people. See, this particular area of this neighborhood, was a bit rough you could say. It was “gentrifying”. Truly it was lawyers living next door to gangbangers. Not exaggerating. Hubby and I will reminisce sometimes about the experiences we had. Gone were my sweet naive beliefs, and shattered were stereotypes.

Laura. She lived in the building next door with her boyfriend and two year old daughter. This little girl was the sweetest thing. When we were building the space out, Laura and her daughter would just come over (let themselves in even though the windows were covered) and talk to us while we were working. This one particular day she was telling us about rats. Yes, rats are a major problem in Chicago. Go outside after dusk and you’re guaranteed to see one. “They ain’t got no bones, they ain’t got no bones.” She told us about a hundred times. Over and over. I’m pretty sure they do have bones, by the way. But I’ve never actually verified it. Then, once the store was open she started coming in to ask for work to make money. Then to borrow money. Then just for money. One day, she came in in a hurry and left her daughter there in the stroller while I was talking with some customers. She said, “I need you to watch her, I won’t be long!” And off she went with two men that were waiting outside for her. All I could think was that she was “paying” for her drugs and what if something went wrong and they killed her. What is this little girl going to do? I’m going to have to adopt her. Oh my word! Another morning (6am, she was probably still up from the night before), she came in so angry at her boyfriend and was threatening to blow their building up. Ummmm, she was just crazy enough that I had to take her a little bit seriously. And our buildings were about 3 inches apart (not exaggerating), so that meant our building would blow up too. So here I am before the sun was up standing with her at a bus stop with my bus pass to make sure she got on the bus to go to her mom’s on the southside. The last time I saw Laura, she was drunk and told me that she was going to have another baby (it was her 4th). I was pregnant too, and I wept after she left. I loved her.

Kyle and Mark. They were a same sex couple that would come in and work on their business. They were such a blast! Mark was gruff and bitter. Kyle was bubbly and friendly. I won Mark over when he made a ridiculous request one day, and I responded by giving him the middle finger. He cracked up, and I had earned his respect. One day while they were working, this crazy religious lady came in and started telling Mark that the end was coming and that God loved him and he needed to start stocking up on canned goods. Good grief! His response was that he didn’t believe in God, and he didn’t care. After I got her to leave, I told him that even though I am a christian, that’s why I don’t like christians. Mark and Kyle later told one of our employees (who is also a christian) that they’ve never before seen christians that act and love like we all did. I loved them.

John. It was halloween night and business was slow. There were some of the local gangbangers hanging around (easy to spot because they wore a certain color shirt). I knew who they were since they would come in at times, and lived in the area. But they were coming in a lot this evening while there will still a few customers in. John was a law school student that would camp out and study for hours. This evening he was sitting in a corner that was not visible from the street, and he was my last customer. The gangbangers came in for the final time, not knowing that he was there. They seemed so disappointed. Once they left, he confirmed what I feared, “they’re going to rob you.” But then he said the kindest thing, “so I’m going to stay until you close.” He was an angel, I’m pretty sure. And love was shown to me.

Curtis. He started coming in the winter after we opened. He was always dressed nice, and looked very professional. He would sit there for hours looking at the paper. Obviously he didn’t work a 9-5, so I figured he was self employed and some sort of business man. Since the majority of the Chicago population hibernates in the winter, and it was our first year open, business was sloooooooow. It would be hours with just Curtis and I in there. So naturally we started talking. Turns out he just got out of prison. For drugs. He was at one time a major dealer in Chicago (he was just busted with the drugs, not for dealing). He use to have a sweet apartment, with a fast car, and hot ladies to keep him warm. But not now. Now he had a crappy apartment, no car, and no ladies and no friends. All his “friends” left him because they feared they would get busted too. We had many in depth conversations, and I actually “scolded” him (he was 50 years old) at one point. I told him that he had led a self centered life dealing drugs and how could he expect his self centered friends to actually care about anything other than themselves. I was feeling bold that day. He told me I reminded him of his sister, whom he actually brought in to meet me once. When my son was born he sent me flowers that cost so much I confronted him and asked if he was dealing again. He promised me he wasn’t. Not that I believed him. Before we left the coffee shop world, he came in to say goodbye. He told me that people owed their lives to me. He said that he was so depressed and angry that first winter out of prison that if he didn’t have me to talk to, he probably would have killed his past associates. Whoa. I loved him.

There are countless other stories of people that came into our lives during that time. There are friendships that we still have and cherish deeply because of the risk we took to open a coffee shop. We only had the the shop for 2 1/2 years before our son was born and we decided to pass it on to people that could take it to a new level. It was a difficult few years for us. Crazy hours, never leaving the building, dealing with city government, enormous amounts of debt. So often we wondered why we were ever possessed to do such a thing. But then I remember that we were given a desire to love a certain group of people, for a certain period of time. And that’s worth the sacrifice. The Lord has been faithful, I will continue to trust.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Or not-so-innocent.

This is the second post in a series about Faith, Trust, Surrender.

Faith

Stay SaneJanuary 15, 2015May 14, 2018

I didn’t first begin to truly understand what faith was until I was 23. I grew up hearing the word. It was talked about at home and at church. But not until prayers went unanswered did I truly grasp it.

It was the Spring of 2003. My hubby and I had been married for 2 and a half years, and everything was about to change. He had finished his undergrad but was unable to find work, so we decided he should do more schooling (because that’s what you’re suppose to do, right?). We decided we were going to move to Atlanta for him to go to the school he felt would be most beneficial. We were super excited, I love a good adventure! So we put our townhouse on the market, and within a week, it sold. Easy! That evening I called my parents to tell them the good news. They were happy for us, but my mom just didn’t sound quite right. Actually, she had been feeling bad for a while.

That night, after we spoke, my father called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. At first they thought it was a ruptured ulcer. When they took her into surgery, they discovered a mass the size of a football in her abdomen. It was cancer. Her body was so weak, they put her in a drug induced coma for weeks. Once she was awake, they told us that if they don’t do chemo, the cancer could kill her in a month. But, if they did chemo, it could kill her in a week. Gee, thanks. She was coherent, so she opted to try the chemo. She made it through the first two like a champ. The third, destroyed her body. She died 4 months exactly from the night of my phone call to her. She never left the hospital.

While she was in the hospital, I said to my dad, “how can we possibly move now?” He told me, “you’re moving. Your mom would hate to be the cause of you not doing this.” Alright, fine. And besides, it was ok because we all had “faith” that she would recover. That she would be healed. And for a while it did seem like she was going to make it. The doctors were making a plan for her to go home and training my family on how to care for her. Our prayers were being answered, and our faith rewarded.

But here’s the thing, not all prayers (wishes) are answered (granted). I wondered, is that because the people involved didn’t have “enough” faith? And if that was the way it worked, does that mean that we can manipulate God to do what we want? How dare us, mere humans, try to control The Lord of the Universe! But there are many scriptures where Jesus heals people because of their faith.

Then Jesus answered her, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:28)

So I kept going to the scripture that actually defines what faith is, trying to figure this thing out.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

That didn’t seem to help much either. I mean, I had “faith” that she would be healed, meaning that I “hoped” she would be healed. But that didn’t really jive with other scripture in the Bible. Sure, Joseph ended up doing great things, but good grief, he got royally screwed. And screwed. And then screwed some more. But he never gave up having faith. So maybe, just maybe, this faith thing has nothing (NOTHING) to do with my circumstances. Maybe “faith” is not believing in something, but rather trusting in Someone.

There is another scripture where Jesus heals a cripple:

Some people brought to him a paralytic, lying on a bed. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9:2)

But wait a minute! He didn’t heal him at first! The miracle was not in the healing. The miracle was forgiveness!! And that’s what made the religious leaders mad. And it was to show the leaders that he was the Son of God that he healed the man. So then that got me thinking more. If there is a God (which I believe) and He sent His son to earth so that we could have a relationship with Him (which I believe) and I have been forgiven (which I needed) and the point of my life is to glorify this God (which I try), then that must mean that He would receive more glory from her dying, than if she lived.

Could she have been healed? Absolutely! But she wasn’t. If I’m going to claim to be a follower of Christ, then that means I have to trust when things are good, and trust when things are bad. I did ask for something after coming to this realization. “Lord, I know that I may never understand why she had to die, when she did and the way she did. But if you could ever let me know, that would be great.” And then I received an answer. Because of my love for running, I ran my second marathon with Team in Training in honor of my mother that had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. And during that training I met a friend that has held such a special place in my heart. And it occurred to me that if my mom had not died when she did and in the way she did, I would never have met her. It doesn’t mean that I wanted my mom to die, or that I will ever stop missing her. But it gives me such peace to know that The Lord is always at work.

I have faith that God is who He says He is, and I believe that Jesus is His son. My faith is not in what God can do for me. My faith is that He is God, and I can trust Him. I don’t know if The Lord will heal your dad, or get you a job, or allow you to have a child. But I know that He is Good.

Faith, Trust, Surrender

Stay SaneJanuary 12, 2015

Let me start by saying that I have by no means had a difficult life. I was born into a loving family that worked hard and always had food to eat. I have married a loving man that treats me well and provides for our family. Those things alone, I understand that I am have been blessed and live an advantaged life. But it hasn’t always been a walk in the park either. Like many of you, I suppose. Life has given us many blissful moments, and also broken our hearts. In my journey of life I have gained a glimpse of what it means to have faith. Over the next month, I would like to share this journey with you.

For now though, I want to share this video with you. It is my favorite song. It’s pretty long (9 minutes) but I’m always disappointed when it’s over. And it really expresses how my life journey has affected me. I have experienced first hand, “You’ve never failed and You won’t start now.” I continually call upon The Lord “When oceans rise.” My prayer for my life is to be led “where my trust is without borders.” And I do “rest in [His] embrace.” That’s the only way I have survived so far on this journey.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Learn From Others. Be Encouraged. Repeat.

Be Healthy, Save, Stay SaneJanuary 5, 2015March 20, 2016

I think it is so valuable to surround oneself with positive, encouraging, and challenging people. And then to learn from them. There is so much that we can learn from others. When we moved to South Carolina a year and a half ago one of the first things we did was join the YMCA. It has had a tremendous positive impact on our family. And part of that is because I met Chris my first week being there. Right away she made me feel so welcomed and talked with me like she had known me for years. Over the next year she challenged me physically and nutritionally to be stronger and healthier. And it’s her fault that I started competing in triathlons! While she is being an encouragement to others, she is a wife, mother, health coach, fitness intstructor, and business owner. This is definitely someone that I want to learn from, and she was generous enough to let me interview her so that you can learn from her as well.

What all are you juggling at the moment?

I’m teaching fitness classes which is an ongoing thing. Also building my business which includes planning and customizing online detox programs, updating the website, marketing, and making connections with other local business owners with a simular passion. And for the past year I’ve been studying functional nutrition online at Replenish which is part of Holistic Nutrition Labs.

What does a typical day look like for you?

I start with a workout either on my own or teaching a class. Then it’s a couple hours working on the computer building the business. Once it’s 3 O’Clock, it’s all about the kids! Picking them up, completing homework, going to activities, and cooking dinner. And of course mixed in there is grocery shopping, and cleaning. I don’t have a house cleaner yet!

We can’t do it all, and have to sacrifice certain things at times. What do you sacrifice?

Well, I’ll tell you what I don’t sacrifrice. I don’t sacrifice my workouts, or cooking for my family, and my kid time. What I do sacrifice is building my business. There are so many ideas that I have and want to do, but I have to say it’ll come later because there is not the time for it right now. It’s hard sometimes though, because I get real excited and I’m passionate about it and want to try something, but then I am overbooking myself and I get stressed and end up taking it out on the family. It’s a constant going back and forth and trying to find and keep that balance.

Is your house clean right now?

It’s picked up, but there is dust on the baseboards. My husband appreciates organization, so to honor him I keep it picked up. But my junk drawer is junky!

Do you have any money saving tips?

I shop around different grocery stores. Mainly I go to Trader Joes, Publix, and Wholefoods and shop whatever is on sale and in season. This means that sometimes I am meal planning on the fly. Also I will buy in bulk for things that I know we will use, but if I’m making a new recipe I will go to Earth Fare to their spice section and just buy what I need for the recipe in case I don’t like it. That way I don’t buy a whole bottle of a spice that I would maybe not use before it expired. And we don’t eat out. I’d rather spend that money on an organic meal to make at home. I guess I spend a lot of time at grocery stores!

It’s encouraging for me to know that I am not alone in this universe with wanting to do more than I have the time or energy for. It’s healthy to prioritize, and it’s okay to let things further down the list be neglected at times.

If you would like to connect with Chris (and you should) to learn and be challenged, you can visit her website at www.nourish2live.com, or on Facebook.

A Little Side of Holiday Cheer

Eat, Stay SaneDecember 16, 2014

For Thanksgiving this year my mother-in-law requested glazed carrots. I said sure! Even though I’ve never made glazed carrots in my life. Shhh, she didn’t know that. But I knew I was going to be ok because I had just gotten my December issue of Southern Living. I love, love, love that magazine. And in this (double) issue there was a recipe for glazed carrots that sounded a little risky and a lot yummy. I can take absolutely no credit for this recipe. I would never have dreamt to put cumin and ginger together. Never. Ever.

Ingredient:

Approx 1 3/4 lb carrots

2 Tb olive oil

1 tsp kosher salt

1 tsp cumin

1/2 cup orange marmalade

1/2 cup orange juice

1 tsp ground ginger

1 tsp minced fresh rosemary leaves

Step One:

Preheat oven 475. Peel carrots.

Step Two:

Toss carrots with olive oil, salt, and cumin. Arrange in single layer on baking sheet. Bake for 25 minutes.

Step Three:

While carrots are roasting, combine marmalade, juice, and ginger in saucepan and bring to a boil stirring often for about 4-6 minutes. Remove from heat and add rosemary.

Step Four:

Toss carrots with marmalade mixture. Place on serving platter.

Some notes. I bought the carrots, and marmalade at Trader Joes. I already had the cumin, ginger, and oj. My mother-in-law had fresh rosemary. I used 4 lbs of carrots instead (big family) and did not change the amount of marmalade mixture. It was plenty. I thought it was super yummy, the kiddos maybe not so much. Regardless, it was very festive looking!

Here is the price breakdown:

Carrots 4.98

Orange marmalade .96

OJ .18

Olive oil .09

Total: $6.21 That served 8 adults, 5 kids, and had a few left over.

Mourning Insecurities

Stay SaneDecember 9, 2014June 5, 2016

These past two months have been just a tad more hectic than normal. In addition to my normal mom and wife routine and running marathons, I started making stuff and selling them at craft fairs. I have really enjoyed myself. I love being creative and working with my hands. I also like making some extra cash for Christmas! I feel pretty good about the stuff I make, but that was not the case three months ago.

I have a friend that is about ten years younger than me, but I totally look up to her and ask her for advice when it comes to this stuff. She’s incredible at making all sorts of things and has done well with her business. She’s an entrepreneur even though she doesn’t see herself as one. Her and I were talking about three months ago about different craft fairs she was planning on selling at and she encouraged me to sign up to do one as well. I did, but I was a nervous wreck. See, when it came to this kind of stuff, I felt like an imposter. I’m confident as a wife, mom, runner, dental hygienist, but I didn’t see myself as talented enough to sell my stuff. I would feel guilty to take people’s money. But I’m not one to back down to a challenge, so I registered. And I started making stuff. And more stuff. And then I couldn’t stop. So I registered for another. And made even more stuff. And you know what? People gladly paid me for it!

During this process, I had been thinking a lot about grieving (because of a miscarriage that you can read about here), and about insecurities (because I felt like a fake). I looked into my past and saw how I had been dealing with my insecurities and the progress that I had made. Then I looked at my friends that are ahead of me in life and saw the peace that they have. And I realized that to get past my insecurities, I need to mourn for them. The basic steps of grieving are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

In my 20s I would never have admitted weakness. I was in complete denial that I didn’t have it all together. Even after my mom died, I didn’t want to admit that I had a problem. I wanted to “help” others that were grieving, thinking that I didn’t need help myself. Now in my 30s I have admitted I have issues. And I have tried to “deal” with them, learn how to “overcome” them. I’m being honest, but I’m still fighting having them. I believe (hope) that when I am in my 40s I will have accepted my insecurities, and by doing that, I will no longer be controlled by them. I’m really looking forward to my 40s by the way.

It’s okay that I’m in the anger-bargaining-depression stage. Although for me it has been more like the anger-depression-anger-bargaining. In regards to building confidence with selling the stuff I was making, I had to first admit to myself that I didn’t like what I was making. It was cheesy. But then I was frustrated with myself that I couldn’t do cooler stuff. So I just stopped. For a couple years I didn’t do hardly anything. Until I saw it as a challenge and forced myself to practice. The more I have worked on it, the more confident I have become. And by becoming more confident, I have found something that I really enjoy doing.

This is true for many different areas of life. When someone first starts running, they feel clumsy. I met a guy that runs for Singapore. He’s their number 2 marathoner. When I asked him about his running history, he said he started running to lose weight. He went from overweight, to being the second fastest marathoner from Singapore! When having a baby for the first time, it’s terrifying. No new parent knows what they are doing. They send you home with this utterly helpless human and say, good luck! But within weeks a mom and dad know what every little cry means. And when they turn 6, you can anticipate their every move (not quite, but pretty close). When starting a new job, it’s completely normal to feel awkward and doubt your decisions. But the more time that is invested, the more confident you become.

So here it is. Here is my advice. If there is something that you want to do or accomplish, but just feel like you can’t:

1. Suck it up and admit that you suck. It’s ok. You don’t have to be perfect.

2. Surround yourself with people that will encourage and challenge you.

3. Make a commitment.

4. Practice.

5. Compliment others along the way. I know I hadn’t really mentioned that until now, but I have found that whenever I am doubting myself, if I encourage others then I am encouraged as well.

Sloppy, Sloppy

Eat, Save, Stay SaneDecember 5, 2014

Every week I sit down and plan out what meals we will have for the next week, then make out my grocery list. I have a notebook full of these menus, shopping lists, and to-do lists. The other day, as dinner time was quickly approaching, I said out loud, “I guess I should see what we are having for dinner. Looks like…chicken with roasted potatoes and brussel sprouts.” To which my 6 year old replied, “I don’t want that.” Now, I am not one to alter my plans to appease my children. And I usually love that meal. But I had to agree with him, I didn’t want it either. So instead, I made Sloppy Joes! And served it with baked sweet potatoes. It was, as always, a hit!

It’s one of our favorite quick go to meals, and of course it’s super affordable! And everytime I make it I think of Adam Sandler singing Lunchroom Lady Land. I try to sing it for the boys, but they just give me funny looks.

Here is my recipe (I came up with it all on my own!!)

Ingredients:

1-1.5 lb ground beef or turkey

1 chopped onion

12 oz tomato paste

1/2 c water

1/4 c brown sugar

1 Tb red wine vinegar

2 Tb Worcestershire sauce

1 tsp ground mustard

1 tsp salt

Step One:

Brown meat with onion.

Step Two:

Add everything else and stir. Let simmer for 30 minutes.

Serve on buns. Look here for my recipe for homemade hamburger buns.

Here’s the cost breakdown:

Ground turkey (this is what I prefer to use) 2.29

Onion .38

Tomato paste .78

Brown sugar .14

Buns (I bought them this time): 1.49

Total: $5.08 for at least 8 servings. That’s 64 cents a serving!!

I’m Done Running

Be Healthy, Stay SaneNovember 18, 2014

This has been the “Year of the Race” for me. Six trail races, two triathlons, and two marathons. I am ready to hibernate.

My last run before this past marathon got me thinking. I once believed that runners were running from something. I realized that I’m not running from something. I’m running to something. This has not always been the case.

I’ve been running since I was 14, and it was truly because I enjoyed it (and didn’t have the coordination to play a sport with a ball). My first road race was when I was 21. Then I attempted twice to train for a marathon but had to quit because of injuries. When I finally did accomplish it, it was because I was running away.

In March of 2003 my mom went into the hospital suddenly. She had cancer and was in a drug-induced coma. The doctors didn’t expect much, but we had hope. In June, my hubby and I moved to Atlanta. In July, she was gone. I had so much anger, and hurt, and heartbreak. I was in a new city with a new job with no friends and no family. So I ran. And ran. And ran. It was my therapy.

After my first marathon I decided to do another, and another, and…you get the point. Somewhere along the way I did let go of the anger, and was able to find peace and even joy in the heartbreak I had experienced. But any time my world starts to crumble, I plan another race. Hence these past two marathons.

Back in August I found out I was expecting again! And then that I was having a miscarriage (my second). I cried and yelled and cussed when I first discovered that I was losing it. But when they gave me the official word, nothing. Not a drop of saline came from my eyes. For nearly two months. Until my last training run. And I realized that I had been running away again. This song came on. Here are the lyrics:

You are good, You are good
When there’s nothing good in me

You are love, You are love
On display for all to see

You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy
You’re the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole

You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough

And at that moment I decided that I’m not running away any longer, I’m running to my Lord, my Savior, my Love. That night I cried, and it felt so good.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there will be more heartbreaks in my future. And I’m sure I will be out there running. It is my stress reliever and therapy. The Lord has made me with the ability and the desire to do so. But I know that I will be running to the promises that He has for me.

Please Don’t Give My Kid a Trophy

Parent, Stay SaneNovember 9, 2014May 24, 2016

This past spring my older son wanted to play soccer. I wanted him to play t-ball. He had played t-ball the year before and did great. He made good contact with the ball, and hit it hard. He hustled on the field and usually got to the ball first. Like, even if it meant running from one side of the field to the other. Five year olds. I was excited to start my journey as a baseball mom. But I messed up and signed him up for soccer at the same time t-ball was happening. So I gave him the choice. And he actually thought about it. And had a good reason. Gotta give him some credit. He said that since he had already played t-ball, he wanted to try a new sport. Ok, fine.

Oh.Lord.Help.Us. For real. It was SO PAINFUL!!

Like myself, if he gets overwhelmed, he shuts down. Well, it’s so chaotic out there that all he does is jump up and down. He doesn’t kick the ball, he doesn’t block the ball, he just jumps. It drove me bonkers. Part of it is the age, part of it is personality, and part of it is upbringing I suppose. We drill into our kids to be kind, and gentle, and not aggressive. Then we put them on the field and want them to fight for the ball. He has the skill. He plays great when it’s just us at home. And he can be aggressive with his little brother. So frustrating.

But alas, all is well. I figure, we will go back to t-ball. That’s easier, not so chaotic. Your turn to hit. Ball comes to you, you get it. It’s not a mob-fest. Hold up, not so fast momma. See, he got a trophy at the end of last soccer season. Just like all the kids did. He is super proud of that trophy. He truly thinks he was a star player. Oh dear.

This past week basketball started. Yep, here we are again. My husband took him to his first practice. Near the end of the practice he texted me out of desperation and frustration. It was the same thing as soccer apparently. Leaving practice he says, “I can’t wait to tell mom how good I am!” As sweet as that is it makes me want to scream. My husband’s response was a gentle, “you have room for improvement.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for encouraging my (and all) children. And I’m even fine with awards. But let’s actually encourage something worthwhile. If you are going to give the kids trophies, then make it mean something. How about, “Johnny, you get the award for always trying your hardest,” or “Susy, you get the award for being the most encouraging to your teammates,” and of course include “Billy, you get the award for points scored,” and “Betty, you get the award for most blocks.” Do you like my use of names from the fifties? But now my son thinks he is great, when really, he needs to practice and put work into. He needs to get out of his comfort zone and be bold.

But this requires more effort of the coaches and the program as a whole. And, of course, more effort of us. This means we (my husband) will need to work with him, teach him, practice with him. Then, perhaps, he will not feel overwhelmed. Then he can focus on boxing out and getting rebounds (do you like how I’m throwing out basketball terms, like I know how to play). With work and effort, he can then feel proud of that trophy, because he did something to earn it.