You Are Loved, Fiercely

Parent, Stay SaneDecember 8, 2015December 11, 2015

Numerous times I have been speaking to my boys and I “feel” a tap on my shoulder. I know what I said to them was actually the Lord speaking to me. He is the perfect parent, so it makes sense that He would use our parenting to instruct us as well.

Examples

“You are expecting it to do something it was not made to do.”

To my children: Several years ago I said this to my oldest child when he was getting frustrated with a toy.

To me: The Lord was telling me that I had been expecting more out of my child than he was able to do at that time. I still hear this. Now it is in the context that I am expecting my children to be someone other than who they were created to be.

“You can trust what I say. Because I love you, I will keep my word.”

To my children: This was just this past week. My 4 year old was throwing a fit (again) and I told him there would be a consequence if he didn’t stop. He stopped for a while, but then decided to test me. So I had to follow through. Which resulted in lots of crying and then lots of hugs.

To me: Whether or not it is what I want to hear, I know I can trust the Lord. Because He loves me, He will keep His Word.

“Doing your best is all that matters.”

To my children: Both of my boys get frustrated with themselves when they make mistakes and want to give up when learning something new.

To me: Often my own best doesn’t feel good enough. I think I need to be more and do more. Thankfully this is not truth.

“There is nothing you can do or not do that will make me love you more or love you less. I love you fiercely.”

To my children: My oldest was upset he didn’t pass the swim test, and was scared to try again. He actually asked me what I would do to him if he didn’t pass. Gasp. My heart broke.

To me: I struggle with trying to impress others to gain approval. Thankfully there is nothing I can do to change how much the Lord loves me. This is a beautiful thing.

“I am not disappointed in you, I am disappointed for you.”

To my children: This was also after he didn’t pass the swim test. I was still trying to confirm that it was alright. He absolutely had the skill and ability to pass the test, but it had become a mental battle for him. I wanted him to experience the confidence and satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something he had been working so hard to achieve.

To me: When I mess up (said something rude, lost my temper, been critical, etc.) I feel so ashamed and want to beat myself up for it. The Lord was gently whispering in my ear that I am not a disappointment. But I have done some disappointing things.

“Don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That’s called being dramatic.”

To my children and me: Umm, yeah. Pretty much my entire life right here.

“Don’t get frustrated. Just try again.”

To my children: My four year old gets frustrated so easily. He tries to draw the letter “A” and starts crying because the lines are crooked. It takes a lot of encouraging from the whole family to get him through it.

To me: I do this too. I love starting things, but get discouraged when it doesn’t come easily to me. So I usually end up starting and then stopping. And then starting and then stopping. And then… Thankfully I am also surrounded by encouraging people that help me through these times.

Final Thought

As you are in the day to day grind be aware of the moments the Lord is using your own voice to teach you.

There is one more I want to share with you. This was not from me, but what a friend said to her daughter. It was a punch in my gut, and something I desperately needed to hear.

“You are beautiful just the way you are.”

Oh dear mommas, please hear this, “You are beautiful just the way you are!”

xoxo

Taming Time

Save, Stay SaneNovember 29, 2015January 29, 2016

There is so much to do during our day as busy moms. We need to take care of our family, the house, and hopefully ourselves as well.

What does your daily to-do list look like? Are you able to get it all done? Are you stressed when you are not able to fit it all in? Here are some thoughts to manage life as a busy momma.

My View

My hubby and I are both list makers. He has lists for his lists. Literally. The difference between him and I is that if I have things left on my to do list, it is a weight on my shoulders. A burden that I will carry until I either get it done, or decide that it should never have been put on the list in the first place.

For the first time in my life (ok, that’s an exaggeration, maybe just the first time in a while) I have not been able to do all that I want to do. My hubby tells me it is alright, he is impressed that I get as much done as I do. But this doesn’t help. I WANT to do it all!!

I want to homeschool, go to the gym, craft, make great dinners, bake my own bread, spend quality time with each of my children, snuggle on the couch with my hubby, write compelling blog posts, the list goes on and on and….

As I have been coming to terms with the reality that I just can’t do it all, I remembered hearing an analogy of how to prioritize your life. Maybe you have heard this before. It starts with a big jar or bowl. If you fill it with little pebbles first, and then put big rocks in last, it won’t all fit. But, if you put the big rocks in first, and then fill it with the little pebbles, it will actually all fit in the jar!

What To Do About It

Mountains.

These are the things that are non-negotiable. The true needs. The things that are required for existence. People over use the word “need.” I need to do this… I need to do that… No, no you don’t.

Feed and clothe my family (That is it, that’s all I really “need” to do. And maybe wipe them down every now and then.)

Boulders.

These are the really important things, but not a need. If it came down to it, I could stop or pause if I needed to.

Homeschool
Laundry (As in wash and dry. Putting them away is not as important. Life will not end with wrinkled clothes.)
Children’s extracurricular activities (Sports, arts, clubs, etc.)

Cobbles.

These are the things I know will help my attitude or my children’s attitude and in turn help me to be a better wife and mother. These are really the same level of importance as Boulders, but more self-focused.

Spend time in silence before the kids are up
Snuggle with my kiddos
Snuggle with my hubby
Exercise

Stones.

These are the things I want to do. More than likely, I will only have time for one of these.

Blog
Craft
Rest

Pebbles.

These are things I should do, but don’t necessarily want or have to do.

Clean (Nobody cares if my bookshelf is dusty or there are spots on the floor, but I personally would like to have it done.)
Laundry (As in fold them and put them away.)

Sand.

These are things I need to let go of and accept that this is not necessary in my current season of life.

Baking bread (But it’s sooo yummy!!)
Working in the yard (Trimming bushes and pulling weeds will have to wait.)

I know myself well enough to know that if I am overwhelmed, I shut down. So I made a list of a few things that can be done in about 5 minutes. These are “pebbles,” the little things that I fit in throughout the day.

Unload the dishwasher
Put a load in the washer
Put a load in the dryer
Dust a room
Throw away trash in the car
Hang up clothes in bedroom

Final Thought

I’m sure I have missed about a dozen things that belong on these lists. And most likely your list will not look just like mine. We all have different priorities of things that will keep us productive and calm. The important thing is to be intentional with your time. Know when to leave items off your to-do list. Go snuggle those babies!

xoxo

Content Within the Discontent

Stay SaneNovember 23, 2015November 23, 2015

The holiday season is upon us and I have been inundated with the message that I need to be thankful. And I’m sick of it. What if I don’t want to be? You don’t know what has happened to me! What if I don’t feel like I have anything to be thankful for? What if I want to be surly and miserable? Stop telling me to be happy all the time!

Real Life, Real Gratitude

Do we really need to be thankful? How do we find this place of contentment when times are hard? What’s the point? Can we just “fake it til we make it” or does is have to be real? What if we can’t seem to get to this place of contentment?

It turns out we do need to be grateful.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

Even when our circumstances are not ideal.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But sometimes we are discontent for a reason. If we were truly content all the time, we would never be prompted to change or grow. The hope we have is that our discontentment in not in vain.

…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts…. Romans 5:3-5

And we don’t have to fake our contentment. Sometimes life is just truly crappy. For real.

Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. my eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. Psalm 69:1-3 (“I sink in deep mire” sounds a whole lot like “I’m in deep crap,” don’t you think?)

But the waiting can be long, no doubt. I’m not even going to sugar-coat that for you.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Final Thought

Take a deep breath. Feel God’s love embracing you. And wait patiently for Him to move you out of your discontentment. Thankfully He loves us and we can trust Him.

Are you feeling discontent at the moment? Are you feeling discouraged? What have you found to help get you through times of discontentment in the past?

xoxo

6 People We All Need In Our Cheering Squad

Love, Stay SaneNovember 12, 2015

Life can be fun and exciting and full of energy. Or it can be a drag. Whether we are in the rush or the slush, we all need to be surrounded by people to challenge us to be our better self.

I have been blessed to have a great “cheering squad” in my life. If I’m struggling with my day, or week, or even year, these people have been there to keep me going, or in some cases, keep me still. I know they love me and want what is best for me and my family. Without them, I would not be where I am today. With them, I know tomorrow will be conquered.

6 People to Have in Your Cheering Squad

The Dreamer: This is the person that is always coming up with ideas. Every time you see them they have a new adventure planned and one for you as well.

!!!!Warning, don’t be tempted to lose focus and get off the path you are on.

The Motivator: This is the person that once you have an idea, they tell you should go for it. They think you are the best at whatever it is that you are doing, or at least make you feel that you are.

!!!!Warning, don’t let this prompt you to act before you are ready.

The Brainstormer: This is the person that will keep you going once you have an idea or plan by keeping your mind focused on what you can do to keep improving.

!!!!Warning, planning is a good thing, but be sure to take action after you have done your planning.

The Realist: This is the person that will keep you in check and not allow you to run too far ahead.

!!!!Warning, this can feel like discouragement, but that is not the intent.

The Questioner: This is the person that will ask challenging questions to make you think through all the steps. The questions are not to discourage or encourage. Just to make you think through every possible angle.

!!!!Warning, nothing will ever have all the kinks worked out, don’t let this immobilize you.

The Encourager: This is the person that will shower you with compliments and make you feel like you are changing the world. And they will do this just about the time you want to give up.

!!!!Warning, this person loves you and what you do, don’t let it cause you to think higher of yourself than you should.

Final Thought

Some of your “cheerers” will have more than one of these traits. Or you may have more than one kind of “cheerer” (I know I have multiple encouragers in my squad). Life is too complicated and busy to spend time on discouraging thoughts. Surround yourself with people that will love you and challenge you!

xoxo

How Do You Do Calm?

Parent, Stay SaneNovember 5, 2015November 11, 2015

In the past week I have had two different people ask me why I started this blog. The answer: a Target commercial. That and a good friend telling me I should.

In this Target commercial there was a woman that woke up early and went to the gym, got her kids off to school, looked beautiful going into work, came home and cooked dinner, and then spent the evening playing with her children. It ticked me off! I was so angry at this commercial for putting so much pressure on women to have it all together. I may be able to accomplish some of those things, but I probably won’t be smiling at the end of the day.

Perhaps you can relate to this feeling of being overwhelmed trying to fit a mold of what you think you should be. God has designed each of us mommas to be the best momma for our children. We don’t have our friends’ children, therefore we do not need to do things just like our friends. Or even what we think our friends/actresses on a commercial may be doing.

Several years ago when I was working as a dental hygienist I had a patient tell me, “I bet you are such a good mom. You are so calm and patient.”

Hahahahahahahaha!! I’m still laughing about that one. No one who knows me well has ever called me “calm.”

But I have tried to pay attention to what things stress me, and what things stress me more (not a typo-all things have a certain degree of stress). And I choose, as best I can, to take the calmer path.

After having my third child I felt like I needed to try the baby wearing thing. Little girl was being quite fussy and I had a couple people suggest doing that. Absolutely no pressure from them. They were being helpful by providing suggestions and I appreciate that. It was worth a shot. But I completely hated it! I was more stressed, which caused her to be more stressed. You know what calmed us both down? I put her in the crib and closed the door. She would fuss for about 30 seconds and then go to sleep. And now, whenever she’s getting fussy while being held, I lay her on the floor. Immediately she is happy and cooing. The girl needs her space, just like her momma!

Mommas, Listen Up!!

You gotta do whatever your calm is! Our children need us calm, not frazzled.

Does it stress you to be tied to a schedule? Then wing it!

Does it stress you to not have a plan? Then schedule your day!

Does it stress you to dust/sweep/put away laundry? Then let it go for the next 5 years!

Does it stress you to have dust/dirty floors/clothes unfolded? Then go clean while your kids watch Wild Kratz!

Does it stress you to be home all day? Then pack up the kids and hit the town!

Does it stress you to have to pack up the kids? Then stay home!

Final Thought

The only thing that is non-negotiable is that we MUST MUST MUST love our children. And I think we have that part covered.

How To Develop A Meal Plan

Be Healthy, Eat, Save, Stay SaneOctober 28, 2015January 29, 2016

Ain’t nobody got time for that!!

This bit of bad grammar is brought to you by my desire to reduce the amount of time we spend in the kitchen. We are busy moms! We have babies to feed and kids to drive to practice and games to play outside (and maybe naps to take)!

Rules

For the way I do my meal planning, there are just two rules.

Rule #1 You have to have a crock pot and microwave. This is the one I love. It leaves the meat so tender that it just falls apart.

Rule #2 You have to be okay with leftovers. I prefer to cook 3 big meals and then reheat, rather than 7 small meals.

Steps

Step #1 Make a list of foods you already have on hand. Especially items that may be about to expire.

For instance, if you have a head of broccoli that has been sitting in your fridge for a week, then your first meal is going to be include broccoli. In this photo you can see that I have starred the kale and avocado letting me know that they need to be used. I hate throwing out food.

Step #2 Make a list of meals that you would like to eat.

Obviously, choose meals that include what you already have. If you don’t have items already in your fridge, then it’s free game!

Step #3 Schedule those those meals while considering if they will work with your family’s schedule.

We are not home Tuesday and Thursday afternoons before dinner time, so a casserole would not work on those days because no one will be home to put it in the oven. On those days we either use the crockpot or have leftovers warmed up in the microwave.

Step #4 Write down a list of ingredients you will need to get.

Go through your recipes, or your mind, to make sure you have everything you will need on hand.

Step #5 Find time to go to the store.

Remember to take the list with you!!

Tips

Tip! Plan a months worth of meals and then shop at a wholesale store.

Tip! Use fresh ingredients first and end with frozen meat and veggies.

Tip! Freeze unbaked casseroles if you want to prepare for more than a week at a time.

Tip! Roast veggies and put in storage containers to reheat with crock pot meals.

Hopefully this simplifies meal planning. Or you can leave all the work to me! Simply subscribe to Oh Lord Help Us with your email. Starting in January I will send you a month’s worth of meal planning, complete with recipes, shopping lists and price per serving breakdown.

xoxo

photo credit: Benjamin Faust

How Do We End the Judgement?

Love, Parent, Stay SaneOctober 21, 2015January 29, 2016

We have all been there. We have been the one standing alone while others made snide comments and pointed and laughed (although it may just have been in our minds). And we have also been the one commenting and pointing and laughing (even if it has just been in our minds). Nobody wins. Everybody feels cruddy after the fact.

Here’s What Happened

I found myself in this situation a couple weeks ago while my sons were at swim lessons. There is this one 5 year old boy in my younger son’s class that is, how shall I say….,very active. Now, I am no stranger to active little boys. I have boys, my friends have boys, I’m married to a man that used to be a boy. So I was not concerned with his activeness. I was concerned with how little regard this boy had for authority. Completely ignoring his mother, the teacher, and the lifeguard. This is scary to me because, hello! These are kids in water! The first couple weeks I was unconcerned, no judgement, just observation.

But then, a couple weeks ago, I crossed the line into judgement. The mom had told her son for the 14th time to put something away. Instead of obeying he threw a temper tantrum. And then… she gave in and handed it back to him. I’m so thankful that the pool area is loud and echo-y because a comment actually slipped out of my mouth. But then I felt cruddy. (And if by some bizarre chance this dear mom is reading this, please know that I did feel cruddy and I am sorry.)

Now, am I wrong to think that she could have handled that differently? I don’t think so. But I was wrong to point (in my mind) and make a snide comment (in actuality). I don’t know this lady. I don’t know what her marriage is like, or if she is even married. I don’t know what she deals with on a daily basis with her son. I do know that she was frustrated and probably could have used some encouragement.

At that moment I was not in the frame of mind to actually encourage her. But I did think of a dear friend that I know feels overwhelmed at times when dealing with her son. So I texted her a simple message of “I just want you to know that I think you are a great mom.”

So What Do You Think?

Is it judgement just to disagree with someone? Their parenting style, their health choices, the way they communicate. In our culture right now we are so concerned with not offending people that we are more afraid than ever to disagree, but have never been more judgemental. Maybe if we learn to understand people, and/or assume the best of them, we can get beyond ourselves and leave the judging thing to The Lord. He’s the only one that truly knows our hearts anyways, right?

So then, how do we encourage those around us? Whether it is someone we love, or a stranger, we can all use a bit of encouragement. And isn’t it true that the areas we need the most encouragement are the areas we are weakest in. Which means these areas are the most vulnerable to being “judged” because we are not doing them as well as we would like.

Perhaps we need to encourage “in faith.” In faith, I want my son to be a hard worker; so I praise him for being a hard worker. Our children will be what we tell them they are. So isn’t this true for others. If you want someone to be a good mom and for them to feel that they are, then tell them they are.

And finally, isn’t this true for ourselves. Don’t we deserve to encourage our own souls?

Stop judging others, and stop judging yourself. In faith, encourage the area that is weakest.

xoxo

6 Tips For Surviving Postpartum

Be Healthy, Love, Parent, Stay SaneOctober 14, 2015

After giving birth, some new moms automatically adjust well. They love their baby and they love being a mom. But there are some new moms that have a more difficult time adjusting. And often, they don’t know how to talk about it.

My baby girl is now 2 months old, and I gotta say, life is pretty great. I don’t even want to tell you how great because I will sound like I’m bragging. But I’m not really bragging, I’m just excited. And happy. And rested.

And it is alright for me to feel this way, I was nervous that I wouldn’t. Why? Because with my first two children it was rough those first couple of months. It was those first couple of months that no one warned me about. Oh sure, I knew I would be tired, that’s understood. But the emotional swings that I experienced caught me off guard. It wasn’t until my first born was older that I realized it was postpartum depression. I was prepared for it with the second, and considered not having a third child because of it.

Since I was not prepared to experience this with my first, I am pretty open with other people about it. If I have any sort of relationship with a woman that is expecting, we will be having a conversation at some point that begins with, “Just so you know I had my nervous breakdown when he was 5 weeks old…” I hope (oh Lord, do I hope) that whoever I am speaking with doesn’t end up needing my advice, but just in case she does, I want her to know that she is not alone and should not feel ashamed.

Before I continue, let me give my disclaimer here. This is simply my story, my experience, and my life. There are things that I tried that helped and things that didn’t. I am not a physician, or psychologist, or counselor. If you are dealing with postpartum depression I am simply here to provide encouragement, and part of that encouragement will be to seek professional help.

My Story

Like I said previously, I had a “nervous breakdown” when my firstborn was 5 weeks old. Honestly, I’m being dramatic. A true nervous breakdown is no laughing matter. Mine was more of a meltdown. Trouble, though, started before that episode. I should have known something was not right when he was 3 weeks old. It was the middle of the night, I had just finished feeding him and he wouldn’t stop crying. He was not one of those sleepy babies that you could feed and put right back to bed. I was trying to calm him, soothe him, take care of him all on my own because that’s what mom’s are suppose to do, right? I’m just suppose to automatically think he’s the best thing ever and gush and never complain, right? Well to be honest, I didn’t feel that way. It turned out I didn’t want to be a mom. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like him. And so that night while I was holding him and he was crying and I was crying, I started screaming. My hubby ran into the nursery to me screaming, “Take him, just take him!!” Because I was about 3 seconds away from shaking him. Isn’t that awful? Even now, over 7 years later I feel awful for feeling that way. And I realized in that moment why people shake their babies, and I understood the desperation, and I lost any judgement that I had felt towards them. After that my hubby and I came to an understanding. I would feed him (had to, I was nursing) and try to put him back to sleep. If he didn’t go to sleep, then it was his turn. The key was, I had to ask for help. He wasn’t expecting me to do it all on my own. I was.

A couple weeks later I was not much better. I had called my mother-in-law for encouragement and support and would have received it if only she had been home (this was back in the day when people still used their home phones as their primary number). Instead, her mother answered the phone. I know she meant well, and in her mind she probably thought she was giving good advice. But it wasn’t. It was maybe good advice for a woman living in the 1950’s, but not for current times. She made the comment, “Well, I sure hope Jeremy (hubby) isn’t having to get up at night since he has to go to work.” Here’s the thing, when my son was born we still had the coffee shop. There is no maternity leave when you own your own business. The second day home from the hospital I was having to do payroll. I told her that I was working too, and she simply responded with “Well, maybe you are doing too much.” No, duh!! But that was not the way I wanted to hear it, so I started crying. And didn’t stop. For a long time.

Fast forward three and a half years to the birth of my second son. Once again, around the 3 week mark I lose it. But this time when I felt overwhelmed I didn’t just cry, I got angry. And once I again I felt myself losing control and screaming for help. This time I called my midwife right away. I knew better. They put me on a low dose of an anti-depressant. It did seem to help some, but honestly I just felt numb. Numb to my children, and numb to my husband. It was miserable. So I weaned myself off the drug and went to talk to a psychologist instead. The problem was, the one they referred me to was younger than me, not married, no children. I’m sure she was/is a great psychologist, but I needed someone that could actually understand what I was dealing with. So I quit that as well. I started exercising. The gym became my therapy sessions. And this seemed to work for me. I had a release valve for all my stress and anxiety. I did end up a few months later, once I was done nursing, going on a different med and finding a different therapist (she was in her 60’s and a grandmother and was incredible).

As I was expecting to have my third baby, I started thinking through ways to prevent going through this again if at all possible. Some things I was ahead of the game on already. Life is much less stressful now. No coffee shop to run, financially stable, better weather. I also had started reading about probiotics while pregnant. Some studies have shown that it can actually reduce postpartum depression. Score! I also exercised throughout my entire pregnancy and ate healthier than I had been previously. I made and froze meals so I wouldn’t have to deal with that once the baby was born. I limited the amount of help that was offered, kindly asking family and friends to hold off on visiting. My hubby was home the first week, worked from home the second, and helped me get going in the morning the third week. By then I was able to implement a flexible schedule with my other kiddos to reduce the stress as much as possible.

It has now been over 8 weeks and I am thrilled to say that I have not experienced the depression like I had previously. Sure, I have had moments of feeling overwhelmed. And moments of bawling my eyes out. But then the moment passes and I continue to love my kiddos and love being a mom. So here is my encouragement to you.

Tips

Know when to say “no”: If someone wants to come visit, but you know that it is not the best thing for your family, it is okay to say no. Say it in a nice way, but make your boundaries known.

Know when to say “yes”: If you are about to go bonkers because you are with people under 3 feet tall all day, then invite a trusted friend over. Someone that won’t care that you are still in your pajamas and will hopefully bring you dinner.

Do something every day to feel normal: Maybe it’s simply to take a long hot shower and let someone else keep an eye on the baby. Think of it as mini spa treatment. Or perhaps watch your favorite show before doing that last feeding at night. Or go for a walk. Or continue your hobbies. Do something for yourself.

Be healthy: There are others that can explain the science of this better than I can, but there is definitely a connection between eating healthy food and feeling good. Eat healthy, avoid the junk food and alcohol. Unfortunately these are what our bodies crave when we are stressed.

Avoid unrealistic expectations of yourself: This is the one most women struggle with. When we expect more out of ourselves than is realistic, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and start to meltdown.

Don’t panic: If you are having a bad moment, know that it may just be a moment. Say you’re sorry if you lost your temper, or lean on someone you love if you need to cry. Tomorrow is full of grace.

Final Thought

The most important thing I want you, dear new mom, to remember is that you are not alone. We may have incredible super powers, but we all have our kryptonite as well.

Please, please, please, if you feel like you are struggling with postpartum depression seek help. Contact your midwife or ob/gyn. A great online resource is www.postpartum.net.

photo credit: Mindy Olsen

Check Out My Super Powers

Love, Parent, Stay SaneSeptember 3, 2015

One of the joys of homeschooling is getting to hear all of the quirky thoughts my seven year old has. I have always loved seeing his mind work and listening to way he explains things. When he was 5 years old he asked me, “Mom can you call your mom in heaven?” So sweet. I responded, “No Bud, it doesn’t work that way.” Very innocently he replied, “Oh, is your phone not that smart?” No. No it’s not.

With homeschooling, science is not required at the second grade level, so I let him pick what he wanted to learn about. It was no surprise that he chose animals. The boy is obsessed with Wild Kratts, and these wildlife cards that my hubby had as a child. Several weeks ago the lesson he was learning was about mammals, and what makes a mammal a mammal. You know, stuff like they give birth to live babies instead of eggs, they have fur or hair, they breathe with lungs, they have mammary glands, and are warm-blooded. After going over these mammal facts, my son asks me (you know what’s coming), “What are mammary glands?”

Now let me pause a moment and share with you that my son from the age of 3 has been a “boob man.” It’s true. He’s always been curious about them and noticed them early on. My approach has always been to just be matter-of-fact about it and not make it a big deal. At 3 he pointed to a boob and asked, “What is this?” At 4 he pointed to an undressed manequin in Old Navy and said, “Whoa! Those are some big nipples!” At 5 he asked, “Why don’t all girls have those balls of skin?” At 6 he started to ask, “Why do girls even have breasts?” I must say, I believe in each of those situations I handled myself quite well and maintained my composure while being direct and honest. Lord help me.

So back to the science lesson. I explained to him that it was the mammary glands that allowed mothers to feed their babies. And then I continued to say how incredible it is that can females not only grow a living thing within ourselves (keep in mind that I was 9 months pregnant at the time), but that our bodies are then able to feed the baby as well. He looked at me with awe and said, “That’s like a super power. I wish I had super powers like that.” I love him so much. What an incredible perspective. Yes, I am a woman and I have amazing super powers! I felt so empowered after that conversation with him.

“Yes, I am a woman and I have amazing super powers!”

And it is amazing, isn’t it? That life with a beating heart occurs from these two tiny things that join together. And it grows, with it’s very own blood type and separate DNA. And then, somehow, the mother’s body just knows to get it out at just the right time. And this tiny life that has never breathed air suddenly knows how to breathe. And this little mouth is equipped with a reflex to suck. And it grows and develops. It’s all designed so perfectly.

Perfect.

But it’s not always like that is it? The odds of conceiving are actually really slim. Miscarriage is an all too real risk. Birth defects occur. Complications in delivery happen. Not all babies get the hang of nursing. Children get sick. Families come apart.

But… But in this moment I am thankful and strong. I am thankful for the gift of these super powers. I am thankful for these children. And I will strive to hold them with strong arms and open hands and a loving heart.

What are your super powers?

photo credit: Brandon Morgan

Deciding to Homeschool

Parent, Stay SaneAugust 19, 2015

It’s official, I have decided and have begun to homeschool my oldest child. This decision took me about two years to make and was not taken lightly. I must confess though, the final plunge did happen abruptly. That’s just how I operate. I can over analyze something beyond what is necessary and once I get sick of thinking about it, I just react. I want to share with you my process in making the decision and maybe encourage (or discourage) some of you that are in the process as well.

My history with the concept of homeschooling starts off very negative. I didn’t understand it. Why would anyone, as a parent or child, want to do this? I thought that it was parents over-sheltering their children. And children that didn’t act “normal” socially. Then I met my husband and found out he was home schooled. Now some may say he doesn’t act “normal” but no one would say he’s socially awkward. He is an absolute blast to be around, makes others feel welcomed and comfortable, and has a hilarious sense of humor. So my perception of what a “homeschooler” looked and acted like started to change.

When we were living in Chicago I began to consider it as option because I was not comfortable with the school system there, and we didn’t want to pay for a private education. At this point I started looking into different curriculums and felt excited about the possibility of teaching my son. This ended up being a non-issue however, since we moved to South Carolina right at the start of his Kindergarten year, and the school system here is much more to my liking.

Kindergarten was a good year for my son. The little elementary school near us is small and intimate and was not overwhelming to my son or myself. The school work was not challenging, but that was alright with me because, you know, it’s just kindergarten. First grade I started to feel more frustrated. The work was still not challenging, which meant he was bored, which meant behavior problems. And even when he was trying to be good, the rest of the class was acting up. It got to the point that nearly everyday when I picked him up and asked how his day was he would respond with, “Bad, I got in trouble” or “Bad, Tommy got in trouble” or “Bad, the whole class got in trouble and couldn’t go to recess.” He couldn’t even focus on learning because he was so concerned with getting in trouble. And this whole idea of taking away recess as a punishment really burns me. They are 6 and 7 year olds. If they are acting out, they probably need more recess time, not less.

Homeschooling is incredibly common in the area we now live. I have friends who have been homeschooling for several years. They have been a great resource for me and an encouragement. It’s great to see their children developing into such fantastic people, and that makes the process a bit less intimidating.

What prompted me to finally make the decision was a blog that I came across while looking into ways to discipline with logical consequences. It’s a fantastic blog (notconsumed) written by a single mom of 4 who homeschools. It was such an encouragement and so motivating. The next week I started purchasing the curriculum I am now using.

The final part of this process was giving myself the freedom to stop. I may only do this until winter break. Or maybe for the year. Or maybe for elementary school. Or maybe through middle school. And I may not homeschool my second son. It may not be right for him. Or maybe, just maybe I’ll homeschool all of them (with the help of co-ops) through high school.

Everyone who homeschools their children have their reasons. And whatever their reasons are, then that is right for them and their children. I believe that The Lord has made us parents to our children for a reason, and He gives us the wisdom (if we ask for it) to know the best way to parent.

That being said, these were not my reasons for homeschooling.

Religious: I did not feel the need to homeschool because of religious reasons. Living in the “Bible Belt” his school is actually quite conservative and there is definitely a strong Christian influence. In fact, there was no homework given on Wednesday nights because it’s traditionally a “church night.” Actually, if you are atheist our school would probably be offensive to you. But as a Christian, this was not our issue.

Bad School Environment: I did not decide to homeschool because he was in a bad school environment. There was no bullying. There was no being made fun of. In fact, all these kids are so incredibly sweet and kind. The reason they were always getting into trouble was because they liked each other too much and acted like it was party time every day.

My reasons to homeschool were more of what we would gain.

Character Building: When we are home and my seven year old acts ugly to his brother, I don’t give him a mark on the board or take away recess. We talk about the importance of being kind to others and try to understand better how to love and forgive. When he is acting prideful of himself for doing a good job with reading, I don’t give him a lollipop for doing a good job. We talk about how it’s good to be smart, but that’s not what gives us value in life and that arrogance is not acceptible.

Challenging Education: My son is not gifted, but he is incredibly bright. And school has not thus far been challenging for him. Now we are able to move at whatever pace he is able to go. There is a balance between pushing too hard, and not pushing hard enough. It’s a constant tension that I feel, but I think it’s worth it.

Ability to do More Activities: At this point we are able to get all of the curriculum done in 4 days a week and we are done before noon. I know in years to come the work load will increase, but for now this provides more opportunities to do other things. Piano lessons, art lessons, swim lessons, volunteer opportunities, etc. And we still have more time as a family. Which leads me to my final reason…

Less Stressful Home Life: If I am dealing with too much stress and get overwhelmed, then the whole family suffers. At first I thought I was crazy (as did some other people) that I would consider home schooling with a newborn. But truly, the thought of trying to get the baby up and fed and get my son to school before 8am makes me want to have a panic attack. This way, his schooling works around the family schedule.

Now to be fair about making this decision, I have some things working in my favor. My son is eager to learn, which makes teaching him so much fun. I love seeing his mind work and the expression on his face when he grasps something new. Also, I am naturally a very organized person. Being organized is oddly exhilarating to me. So I have no problem with getting through each day’s work load and keeping track of what we need to do next. And third, I have a very supportive husband who is completely on board and helpful. In fact he’s much better at grammar that I could ever hope to be, and without his proofreading of this post you may be concerned for the outcome of my children.

Homeschooling is absolutely not for everyone, and not for every season of life. I, however, am absolutely excited to begin this new journey with my children!