“The story of a former foster youth’s journey back to self-discovery after years of following the road laid out for her by others, a road that didn’t include a gap year.“
While aging out of foster care in 2019 there was a strict path proposed to me for when I graduated high school. My social worker shared all the grim statistics of other young adults like me aging out and explained that college was my only ticket to making it in life. What I wanted was to take a gap year. To go find a passion that could help me build a life I wanted and to aid in separating myself from the struggles I was leaving behind in foster care. A whole year to do nothing but travel the world and find what made me come alive again.
But the harsh statistics and reality for those who age out of foster care was blinding to the voices of those around me who had always made decisions for me. And in wanting to please my social worker I chose a false safety net built from her fears and not what I felt was right for me.
Off to College, and Not a Gap Year
At 18, I went to a private Art School in Boston. Instead of my soul-searching adventure, I left for an expensive design school a plane trip away from all the supports I knew. It was challenging, and I wasn’t finding the joy in fashion that I thought was there. Which is interesting because I realize now that it was a dream of my previous adoptive mom. She was in love with design, and through many confusing years of love and abuse my perceived passion was manipulated into being mine. While I was there, I had many thoughts about leaving, but everyone was so proud and my biggest fear was that they were right. That I wouldn’t be successful without college right away, almost like I couldn’t be trusted to be my own person. They were all wrong to try and put me in a small box.
Oh COVID…
When Covid hit, having classes move online was brutal. My grades tanked and I was barely hanging on. So I finished that semester best I could and dropped out. Being in foster care, I always had a sense of things never working out for me. I had to create my own stability and happiness. Chasing dopamine through shopping, coffee, and driving my jeep was therapy for me. And while I appreciate healing in actual therapy, those healthy alternatives were better than trying to cope the way I saw so many other former foster youth. I refused to be another statistic, but I was so far from self-love and happiness.
I had a single foster mom take me in a few years ago, and she has been a balanced voice of reason and encouragement for who I wanted to become. When I dropped out, she was there and probably really excited that I was living at home again. We craft together all the time, and it’s life-giving for me. Not the soul-sucking art classes I tried to survive back at school. When I shared the idea of going into the army, she got to crafting and made herself some really cool army mom decals. It showed me that she believed in me, and was willing to walk alongside me.
Let’s try Boot Camp
I have always loved medical shows and being nurturing to those around me. Grey’s Anatomy taught me well, and while I am sure I could save your life already, I thought finding a medical program I loved to license me sounded more practical. I was able to sign with the Army with the job I wanted working as an Operation Room Specialist. The only thing standing in my way was boot camp and several years of medical school. Things started really well until I and every single person in my barracks got COVID. After being super sick and having major complications, I was medically discharged from the Army. I was devastated but knew that my body needed me to put it first and really heal.
The best thing to come from that season in the Army is the realization that I perform really well under pressure and that my talents are in the medical field. I came back to NC to start classes towards being an EMT and then eventually a Paramedic. I passed my license for NC as an EMT and I have now accepted my first full-time job. Would I have come to this conclusion earlier if I had taken the time to go travel as I wanted, or the time to find myself from a gap year like I always planned?
For the Future
It’s not too late for me to build a future I want, it just feels unnatural and terrifying to go against the safest route. Years have passed since aging out and I feel called to take control of my future and go find myself and what makes me come alive. The path of the unknown with so many statistics stacked against me is risky. Yet, leave it to me to beat all the odds. I have a great family and support system now. They believe in me and I am so thankful. Most young adults aging out do not have a safety net of family. Without them, maybe it would be best to take the safest route towards building a life. But it shouldn’t have to be that way.
My Hope for Those Aging Out Behind Me
Go find those that allow you to use your voice. It’s okay to listen to wisdom and have others you trust to speak into your life. But do not let other’s define your future. You are capable of great things, but it will take hard work. Try not to settle for what you may feel you are worth. I promise it all won’t feel so heavy and hard all the time. The world is actually quite fun and amazing! It’s so healing to let the tight grip of fear and others’ expectations go a bit and really embrace the messy of learning who you truly are. And who you are is worth it, I promise!
Letter from Inspiring Hope to you:
Dear Emily,
Congrats on passing the EMT boards! You will do amazing things in service to others. I absolutely cannot wait to see all that is in store for you in this next season of self and life discovery! It takes so much courage to not follow the safest path and to go find what makes you happy. You have such an amazing long happy life ahead of you! I am so thankful that you took the time to share your story and heart with the Collective. We are better for hearing this truth, and look forward to a follow-up story someday on what you have discovered!
This collective is in partnership with the social enterprise hopeandvine.org; An employment and mentoring program for aged out young women in Wake Forrest, NC.
