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Plans: Trusting God’s Goodness for Our Children’s Lives

Devotionals, Stay SaneAugust 7, 2018June 28, 2019

Being a parent as a Christian means putting God first. Allowing God’s plans for our children can be scary, but we can trust His goodness.

I don’t always put my best foot forward as a parent. Sometimes I lose my temper, don’t listen to everything my children have to say, and am too quick to judgement.

On the other hand I have two children who think for themselves and can explain their thinking. My oldest just moved into a house with some friends and is totally ready to do some “adult-ing.” She is a college junior who has a plan for her future. My youngest is learning to let go of his fears and try new things. But the thing that I’m most proud of is their relationship with Jesus.

My daughter has learned that when life gets difficult, you should turn to Jesus and allow Him to help center your life. Phillip and I, as parents, have been able to model that for her. When she has turned to us for advice, the first thing we say to her is, start by praying.

Sharing God’s goodness comes so naturally to my son. He talks about Jesus at school often. Teachers, peers, and other parents have told me how kind he is and that they love being around him. A mom can’t ask for more than that.

Trusting the Father…

As I was reflecting on how amazing my children are in spite of my parenting mistakes, I thought about Mary and Joseph as parents to Jesus. First of all, can you imagine the pressure? Parents to God’s son? Whew!

Luke 2:41-52 tells the story of Jesus going to the temple at Passover. There was a large group of family members. It must have been quite a crowd because it wasn’t till the evening after they left, on their way home, Mary noticed that twelve-year-old Jesus was missing.

Mary’s panic must have been off the chart. She and Joseph took off back to Jerusalem looking for him. It took them three days of searching to find Jesus. He had never left the temple.

When they found him they were so relieved. But like any mother, Mary was ready to scold Jesus. If it had been me I would have raised my voice in a whisper through loud hiccuping sobs – “Where have you been? Your father and I have been looking everywhere for you. You have worried us sick.”

Instead of apologizing he says,

“Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”

Luke 2:49, NIV

We don’t know much else about Jesus’ childhood except from this point on he was obedient and continued to learn and grow. He was well liked by the people who met him.

It seems a little counter intuitive to how we would handle the situation, but then our children aren’t divine either. What I learn from this passage is that when our children are in the arms of our Father, they are always okay.

Allowing God’s Plans…

Being a parent is such a gift, and a huge responsibility. The most important thing to remember isn’t any kind of professional advice or information from a parent guru. It’s a simple truth that is part of being a Christian – trust God. As humans we can’t see God’s plan, but we should trust that He has one not just for our lives, but for our children as well.

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8, NIV

When we trust in our God, our worries for ourselves and our children will fall away. When we plant them and ourselves in God’s amazing garden we will all grow to be full and vibrant. That is God’s promise to us.

As humans we can't see God's plan, but we should trust that He has one not just for our lives, but for our children as well. Click To Tweet

Dear God,

Thank you for blessing me with two beautiful children. Reveal to me Your path for their life. Give me the tools to help guide them toward Your light and love.

love,

Adam Cain

You Are Powerful

Stay SaneOctober 23, 2016

We have tremendous amounts of influence. And with that influence, we can change our lives. Want a better marriage? Children who are growing into amazing people? Even better behaved pets? As women, we are always desiring control. Well, here it is. This is not about manipulation. This is about encouraging others to be their best selves.

Marriage

This past week I heard a talk about relationships and how men need respect the same way women need love.

Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33, ESV

I thought it was appropriate timing, as it was my husband and mine’s wedding anniversary. This was not anything new, I’ve heard this many times before, but I was so encouraged by what was said.

To be honest, I have been slipping with showing respect. Blame it on stress, or selfishness, but I can’t blame it on him. My tone has been becoming harsh. I’ve been quick to jump to conclusions. I was becoming a nag. Thank you Jesus for bringing this to my attention, and please forgive me!

If we want to be loved passionately by our spouse, then we have the power to change the cycle. Don’t wait for him to be Mr. Romantic. Instead, respect who he is. Focus on one thing that is impressive. And tell him.

Ways to express respect:

I am so impressed how you… (handled that situation).
I really admire how you… (work so diligently).
I think it’s great when… (parent that way).

You can only control your own actions. With our actions, however, we can influence others. By respecting our husbands, we are influencing them to love us in return.

Children

My middle child, who is now 5 years old, still tends to throw a tantrum when he is frustrated. It usually involves something he is trying to make that is not producing the results he desires. This past week he became frustrated that a drawing he was working on wasn’t looking the way he wanted. I understand getting frustrated, but when he starts whining and stomping his feet, my head wants to explode! My natural tendency is to try to overpower him, but this only results in him continuing to escalate. He was sent to his room, where he continued to to cry and yell. With a quick, “Help me Jesus,” I went in his room and told him to stop acting like a whiny baby. Yes, that is what I said. No, this is not the advice I’m giving. In the next moment, the Lord gave me the words.

“You are acting like a whiny baby. You are not a whiny baby. You are a smart, talented, hardworking little boy! You are a hard worker who likes for things to be done well. You are fun, and compassionate. Be that little boy, because that is who you are!!!”

His tears of anger turned into one of his signature bear hugs. He was like a completely different child after that. I’m not saying to call your child names (although you may want to), but do affirm to them the traits that will continue to develop them into amazing people.

Overpowering our children to produce “better” behavior is a short term response at best. But by influencing their hearts, and speaking truth to them, they will be truly changed.

Pets

A week ago I was about to ship my dog to live with my parents in Kentucky. She was getting on my very last nerve, and I was struggling with being so angry with her. One of the best parts of this new house is a good size, fenced in backyard. I was looking forward to letting the kids and dog run free in a safe enclosed space. And then, wouldn’t you know it, she figured out a way to escape. That was how we met our next door neighbors. Our dog was humping their dog. And our dog is a girl!! What the heck?!? She also has been obsessed with the shed in the yard. I’m pretty sure there is some little critter living under there that she is desperate to get ahold of. So desperate in fact, that even when it was pouring down rain during the hurricane, she would run out to dig at the side of the shed. And of course, she wouldn’t come when she was being called. So out I go to get her, wet and muddy, and carry her back into the house. Something had to change.

I realized I was being controlled by a 15 pound ball of white fluff. Punishing her for being naughty was not working. Maybe praising her for being good would be better. I have given that dog so many treats this past week. The first few times I had to entice her from out in the yard to come inside. As soon as she came to the door I gave her a treat and showered her with praise. Then I could show her the treat and call her from the deck. Now, she actually comes! In just a matter of days, I have my sweet puppy back, and I don’t worry about what the neighbors think because I’m yelling at my dog.

Final Thought

We have the power to change our lives. By showing respect and kindness to all of those around us we can begin to spiral upward in our relationships rather than spiraling downward into despair. Respect produces love, which in turn produces more respect. I know this sounds super simple. Please know that I am not that naive, especially in regards to a relationship with a spouse. If the relationship has been spiraling down for years, it is not going to be transformed in a week, or month, or maybe even a year. Pray for endurance, pray to be satisfied by the love of Christ, and pray for the supernatural ability to pursue your husband even if you feel he doesn’t deserve it.

You, dear lady, have power with your influence!

xoxo

Happy Helpers

Parent, Stay SaneJanuary 24, 2016February 7, 2016

Most of the time my boys are happy to help. They feel important and needed. And this is good, since they are important and needed. But notice that I said most, not all of the time. Sometimes they gripe and complain and act like I’m asking them to go chop down trees to build a log cabin. And sometimes they are just simply clueless.

When it comes to day to day events to encourage helping others, we talk through different scenarios. I prepare them ahead of time that I will need them to hold the door open for me. And when they do, I praise them for being such kind gentlemen. And if we see someone in the parking lot or store that drops something I tell them to go and help. And this is great because they will get praise from someone other than me.

However, I have by no means accomplished the day to day training. Or the chore training either, for that matter. But I do believe we are on the right track.

The Chore Chart

When my oldest son was five we started paying him a little to do some chores. It didn’t take long for me to lose track of this. It was sporadic, and inevitably I would be out of change and try to remember to pay him later. Which I wouldn’t. I can’t remember stuff like that. I was losing the opportunity to reward him for the work he was doing. I knew I was going to need to use a chart. I saw some ideas that I liked, and then tweaked them to make it work for us.

On the left is a line for each child with a pool of chores and that may possibly need to be done. On each of these is the amount that will be paid for the chore. At the start of each week I put what needs to be done in the “To Do” column. Once the task has been done it is moved to “Completed.” It stays here until I pay them. That way I do not forget. Then it gets moved back to the pool. The chart is kept in the laundry room (as you can see in the reflection). This is a highly trafficked area and it is at their eye level.

Supplies needed:

Magnetic board (I bought mine at IKEA for $12.99)
Washi tape
Magnets with adhesive backing
Foam sheets
Permanent marker

Notes

Family contribution chores (dishes, making the bed, picking up toys, feeding the dog) are expected to be done without payment. These are simply just contributing as a member of the family.

I give them until Wednesday to do the paid chores without being told. If they do this, they get paid double. If I tell them to do the chore, on Wednesday, they get paid stated amount. If they complain while completing chores, they work for free. If they refuse (this has not yet happened), then they pay me to do their chores.

This teaches them that sometimes you work to just help. It encourages them to work by their own initiative without being told. And it shows them that laziness will cost you money and affect others.